


death, in different sort of ways

by roseprice612



Series: modern au trashgarbage [1]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Parenting, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, a whole lot of bullshit, angband is a gang, angbang romance, curvo is low-key nice, fingon is a saint, nelyo hates everything, tyelko is a piece of shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9325028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseprice612/pseuds/roseprice612
Summary: first work in this fandom and oh boy do i have a lot to live up tomostly just for fun, doesn't have a lot of plot and is also just writing practiceModern AU - Nelyo is a depressed little shit, Fingon is a saint, Káno hides children, this family will burn in hell - none of the plot-points correspond to the book, I have no regrets. read at your own riskEdit: this fic has grown so fucking much and it’s slowly becoming a modern version of the slim from Fëanorian perspective, oh well





	1. introductions

It was a Thursday. A bright Thursday, a clear day with no clouds and a shining sun. All was pleasant outside. Dogs yipped as they trotted past the iron-wrought gates of the Victorian mansion, scolded by embarrassed neighbors. Bluebirds and jays and chickadees peeped in the oak and evergreen trees in the yard. Carefully potted plants swayed in the gentle breeze. 

A window opened and a head popped out. He held a set of car keys. 

"I told you, get your car out of the fucking yard!"

The car keys sailed through the air as the front door swung open and a figure stumbled out. The keys landed in the perfectly landscaped grass and the man scrambled to find them. 

"Yeah, fuck you too, Curvo!" And the man found his precious keys with an internal cry of victory and ran off to the side of the yard, where his brand new and treasured BMW sat parked in the grass. "There weren't any spaces left," He grumbled and climbed into the driver's side. He swept his silky blond hair out of his face and revved the engine a second longer than needed, reveling in the roar. Then he swung out of the grass and, to make a point, parked flawlessly in the center of the driveway. 

Another car pulled in behind him, a trashy old Saab, and out stepped the man's six-foot-seven brother. "Hey, Nelyo." He greeted, and slapped him on the back as he passed him. 

"You just get home too?" His voice was deep and surly and he snatched his briefcase from the passenger's seat before starting inside after his brother. It was the start of Christmas break, and their large family was convening home to their estate in California. 

"Nah, I've been home for a day." The blonde replied and held the door open for Nelyo to slip by. He ducked his head under the doorway. "Curvo was just being an ass and making me move my car."

"It's nice," He kicked off his shoes and placed them in their bin by the door. "This year's model? Where'd you scrape that money from?"

"Uh, my paycheck, obviously." 

"I didn't realize coaching high school football paid so well."

"Haha." He followed Nelyo into the kitchen and sat at the granite island with a slump. "Oromë actually got me a second job at his professional level, so you could say I'm in the big leagues now." The blond's eyes lit up at the plate of grapes and cheese his mother had left out and popped a grape into his mouth. "Besides, Oromë paid for it."

Nelyo set his briefcase on the kitchen table and spotted the food too, lunging for some cheese. His brother smacked his hand away possessively and Nelyo quickly took the blonde from the back and kept him in a headlock while he ate. "Does that mean your sugar daddy is here too?"

The blonde elbowed him in the gut and scowled. "He is not my sugar daddy, stop saying that."

"Is he here, though?" And he nodded, causing Nelyo to groan. "Oh, Tyelko! You can't leave him behind for one damn Christmas?"

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I don't hate him. It's just annoying how much you guys are into sports, it gives me a headache."

"Everything gives you a headache. You just need to chill." 

At that moment their mother walked downstairs, which was a good thing because Nelyo was about to throttle his little brother. "Maitimo!" And she wrapped her son in a warm hug and buried her face in his chest. Nelyo rested his chin on her head before she broke away. "It is so refreshing to see you! How's the new job going?"

"Eh, fine." He leaned against the pantry door and pursed his lips. "Not exactly ideal, but it's fine." 

"Well I'm glad it's at least bearable." Mom sat at the island across from Tyelko and leaned on the granite with her forearms. "Nothing new and terrible has happened, then? How's your hand feel?"

Subconsciously Nelyo has been gripping his right wrist, as he did when he got anxious, and startled at his mother's question. "My hand? Uh, it's fine. Not any worse than it has been." 

Nelyo had been in a car accident four months earlier. He had been on the phone with a friend, Fin, when he slid on the rainy road and crashed into a guardrail. His right hand, holding the phone, has smashed through the dashboard. Fin had been the one to call an ambulance, but it was too late for his right hand; the nerve damage was so extreme they said he would never fully use it again. He had to give up his job as a surgeon, a really good one in fact, and gathered enough courage to ask a friend for a job. Azaghal had been more than happy to hire him at his family's ironworks, but all Nelyo really did all day was fill out paperwork and talk to his friend once in a while. It was as boring as a desk job could get. 

"How's Azaghal? It was so nice of him to offer you that job." Nerdanel smiled warmly and sat back. She was glad to see her son home, but worried about him like no tomorrow. It seemed he had a knack for getting himself into trouble. 

"He's fine. Oh-" He bit his lip, remembering something, "I have to go in to work tomorrow."

"What? Why? It's Christmas Eve tomorrow!"

"Sorry. Aza said he needed help with something, he's making this ceremonial sword for his father."

"So why does he need you?"

"He knows I was big in fencing and swordplay in college. He wants my input and stuff." 

"Alright." But she wasn't pleased, not in the slightest. "How long will you be gone?"

"Noon to five." 

"Damn." Tyelko blurted. "How big is this sword that you need to spend five hours making it on Christmas Eve?" 

Nelyo was turning redder every second, and shifted on his feet. Fortunately, he was saved from having to make up more excuses, because another brother rounded the corner. Actually, two, and they both wore matching green sweaters and fluffy red hair. They nearly tackled their brother to the ground with the force of the hug they have. 

"Nelyo, thank god you're home!" The one on the right said. "Moryo won't stop lecturing us and its terrible! Now you can go and lecture him about lecturing us!"

Nelyo chuckled and patted their backs, pulling away from the hug with a crooked smile curved on his lips. "I'm not going to lecture him for doing his job, he does happen to be an accountant. But it's wonderful to see you anyways, how is school going?" 

"Pityo failed his anatomy class." One of them said, and the other turned on his twin and shoved him. 

"Telvo failed art!" The one on the left shot back, scowling mutually. "How do you fail art? It's like the easiest class!" 

"Hey," The taller one pulled them apart by their collars while they kicked and struggled. "What are you, babies tattling on each other? For one, Pityo, I'm definitely tutoring you. Secondly, Telvo, I'm sending you to Káno because that's completely absurd that you managed to fail art."

"Aw, come on!" 

"It's not up for debate." He set them down and crossed his arms. "Where is Káno, anyway? Usually he's the first to arrive." 

Nerdanel stood and adjusted her long sweater. "I thought you'd know. I haven't heard from him in a week." 

Worry passed over Nelyo's face. Hastily he slid his phone out of his pocket. "He hasn't talked to me for a few days either." And he opened up messages to search for Káno's contact. 

"He's probably just wrapped up in whatever hippie music he's writing." Tyelko said through a full mouth of grapes. 

"No. He finished his last piece for the holidays last Friday." He typed as quickly as he could with one hand and sent the message, 'where the hell are you? I just got home'. 

After a long moment of waiting and Tyelko assuring he'd be fine, Nelyo decided to call. He put up a finger to signal silence. Waiting. Waiting. 

"Hello?"

That wasn't his brother's voice. That was a child. 

"Who is this?" He hastily checked to make sure he had in fact called the right number. At the top of his phone screen it read 'Káno'. A shiver of concern snaked it's way down his spine. 

"This is Maglor's phone." The child continued. There was a scuffle in the background. Another shiver. He hadn't heard someone call his brother that in a while. 

"But who am I speaking to? Who are you?"

"My name's Elros." 

Nelyo glanced up at his family. They had started to look concerned too, at the look on his face. "Can I speak to Káno?" 

"Mm..." The child thought. "No."

"Excuse me?"

"No."

"Put my brother on the phone. Now." He was not going to waste his time arguing with some child. 

There was another scuffle in the background. Suddenly the line disconnected and Nelyo was left with a beeping in his ear. "Fuck," He muttered and exited from the call screen. Not even glancing up, he stalked to the door, grabbed his shoes without putting them on, and said, "Be back in a few hours. I need to see what the hell is going on."

Nerdanel ran out after him, as he started his Saab. She looked just as worried as she had been when Káno got lost in the woods as a child. "Wait! Maitimo, where are you going?"

He had the tracking app open on his phone, plugged into the holster on the dash. It said his brother was at home in his condo, a half hour away. "To Káno's place. I need to investigate."

"Who was on the phone just now?" She leaned her forearms on his rolled down window, but quickly stepped back when he began to back up. 

"Some kid named Elros." He stuck his hand out the window in a wave as he rolled out of the driveway. "Be back in a bit!"

He drove in absolute silence. He hadn't felt this much tension since his time as a surgeon, skillfully slicing people open and fixing broken parts. He could practically hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor in his ear as he turned down a side street, and it nearly drove him insane. Then he could see himself driving down that narrow overpass at night, on the phone with Fin. Discussing the latest news. Catching up. Sending wishes and hopes of when they would see each other next. And that sudden flash of headlights and the gut-wrenching spin of his Cadillac on the wet road, the skidding and slamming into the guardrail, his hand punching through the dash, pain, pain, a lot of pain-

He turned into the pleasant little lane of Káno's condo. They weren't particularly nice condos, simple and white, but they were charming and most definitely fit his eccentric brother. He pleaded to any God out there that his Káno was alright. 

He turned the ignition off and stuck his keys in his pocket, snagging his phone as he climbed out of his car and unraveled his body. He really needed a bigger car. Just in case he had his phone on speed dial for 911, just in case something was wrong. He prayed nothing nothing was wrong. 

"Káno?" He rapped his knuckles on the green steel door of the condo. "Káno, you in there-?"

The door swung open. There stood two tiny, raven-haired children, identical save the different expressions. One devious and the other scared. "Hello?" The devious one greeted. 

He recognized that voice. This was the same child he'd spoken to on his brother's phone. "Is Káno here?"

"No."

"Elros." The scared one elbowed his twin. They had to be twins. "He's here. Who're you?"

"I'm his brother. Let me in."

The innocent one did. The devious one sent a glare to his twin as Nelyo entered. He wiped his shoes on the front mat and peered around the home. The front room held a shelf of leather bound books and a shelf of all his instruments; flute, wooden flute, various drums, harp, guitar, ukulele, and what was either a violin or a fiddle. Nelyo could never tell the difference. And whether putting all his instruments on display like that was something of bragging or just simply a place he stored them was beyond Nelyo. A worn grey couch sat against the wall and a television across from it. A grand piano (how did Káno ever manage to move that thing around?) was pressed up against the opposite wall. A door lead to two bedrooms. Another for a closet, and another for a bathroom. 

"Káno?" Nelyo called and kicked his shoes off at the door, but picked them up and held them in mistrust of the children. "Where are you?" He stalked into the kitchenette. 

Káno sat at the dining table on his laptop, earbuds in and focused entirely on whatever was on the screen. Most likely studying a piece of music, as he heard blaring from the earbuds. He looked like he hadn't showered in days. His dark brown hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, his overlarge sweatshirt had coffee stains on it, and his pajama pants were fraying around the ankle. 

Nelyo tore the earbuds out of his brother's ears and kneeled to face him, after placing his shoes on the table. "Káno!"

Káno screamed in surprise, no, shock, and fell over in his chair in the process. For a moment he lain on the floor, breathing heavily with an arm over his face. The twins giggled behind them. 

"Nelyo, what the- what the f-" He saw the twins behind his brother's legs and paused mi-sentence. "-Heck are you doing here?" 

He sat at the table and disregarded his brother as he crawled back onto his seat. "I haven't heard from you for days, you didn't answer my calls, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Mother is worried and Tyelko will start suggesting you died if you don't come home now." He glanced back at the twins again and scowled. "Who the fuck are they?"

Káno paused and caught his breath. "That's Elros, and Elrond."

"Who the fuck are they?"

"Can you stop swearing in front of them? They're children."

"Káno!"

He bit his lip and shut his laptop. Worry spread across his face. "I... Adopted them?"

Disbelieving silence filled the room. Nelyo stood and started to pace. Káno tapped his foot incessantly, to the beat of the song he was just focused on. 

"You're fucking kidding me." 

"Language."

"You adopted children? Are you insane?"

"I didn't just go out and decide to have children. They're orphans. I took them in."

"And didn't tell me for- however long you've had them? I'm your brother! Do you know how terrified I was when I realized you hadn't talked to me and mother for a week?"

"Mother and I, you mean."

"I'm literally going to kill you."

"I've always been good with kids, you know that. I've been thinking of adopting for a while."

"All you've ever taken care of us your seven cats! What makes you think you can handle raising kids?"

"Five cats. And I'm responsible. Don't try to undermine me. I know what I'm doing."

Nelyo sputtered for a moment, barely believing what was happening, and grabbed Káno suddenly by the chin. "Look at yourself, Káno. You haven't showered for- days, it seems like, and you're growing what looks to be a beard! You can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of these kids?"

Káno slapped his hand away and felt his chin for himself. "For your information, I've been working on a Christmas present for- someone. I've been busy."

"So how have the children been surviving? Have they been living in rainwater?"

Káno stood. His anger was growing, and doubt rose in Nelyo. He didn't want to deal with an angry Káno. No one did. "Don't you dare! I take care of myself, I always have and I've always been responsible! You're the one who can't take care of himself, you're the one who overworks himself, and you're the one who can't handle responsibility! Look at what happened to your hand!"

The silence that spread over the room then was deafening. Complete and utter malice took over Nelyo's face and disputed fear took over Káno's. The brothers seemed to speak to each other without saying anything out loud. 

In half a second Nelyo stepped forward and slapped Káno across the face, hard enough that his head jerked sideways and he stumbled back. Then the taller one stood straight and stormed out the door. The twins jumped out of the way as he stomped past, and as he grabbed his shoes he shouted back.

"Fuck you, Maglor. Don't bother showing up to Christmas dinner." And the door slammed behind him. 

The new family was left in a tense quiet. Káno sat panting on the floor, tears streaming down his face and one hand holding his bruised cheek where Nelyo had hit him. Elrond and Elros exchanged glances before going to their foster father's side.

"What just happened?" Elrond murmured, placing a hand on Káno's back. Hesitantly he raised his head, and the children stepped back.

"I shouldn't have said that. Fuck!" He swore under his breath and stood. "I fucked up. I really fucked up."

"What happened to his hand?" Elros held onto his brother, who was clutching his arm. 

"He was in a car accident. He injured it and it doesn't work anymore." 

"Why not?"

But Káno wasn't listening anymore. He opened the door to his bedroom and paused, glancing back at the children. "I'm going to take a nap. There's food in the cupboard if you're hungry."

 

Nelyo drove faster than he should've on his way home. But he couldn't slow down. He wanted to punch a wall, scream - and at the same time wanted to cry and just sleep. How could his brother have said something like that? Like it was his fault his hand got destroyed?

It was though. Everything Káno said was true. That's what made it hurt so bad. He did overwork himself. He barely slept, didn't eat well, and the night that he'd crashed was indeed a late night. He'd been working a particularly serious case and insisted on staying later than all his other colleagues. And he only ended up back in that hospital hours later, though he was unconscious. 

When he got home Nelyo was hyperventilating and his anger still hasn't left him. Not bothering to put on his shoes, he stepped out of his car, across the yard, and into the estate. 

"He's back!" Someone yelled, probably Telvo- "Nelyo! Is that you?"

He was taking his ruined white socks off and throwing both them and his shoes aside. Pityo, Telvo, and Tyelko popped their heads around the side of the hall, peering at him curiously. But as soon as they saw the look on his face Tyelko approached carefully. 

"...What happened?" He muttered. "Is Káno coming home for Christmas?" 

Nelyo paused to breath. His jaw was taut with strain. "I damn well hope not. I'll be in my room. Don't disturb me."

They certainly were not going to disturb him. Tyelko watched him as he bounded up the stairs, three at a time with his long legs, and turned into his childhood bedroom. It was still pristine as ever, dusted and perfect as his parents left it. Nelyo flopped onto his bed with a sigh. 

What was he doing with his life? What, truly, was he trying to accomplish? Before he lost his hand and his job, his life, he had ambition. Goals. Motivation. Now... He had lost that. He had lost all of that. And Káno had laid that out for him. 

"...Maitimo?" 

Nerdanel had knocked on his door but he hadn't noticed. Slowly she pushed it open as Nelyo jolted but didn't bother turning over. 

"Get the fuck out of my room." He groaned. 

"Excuse me?" She shot back. "Your brothers said you looked upset, am I just supposed to ignore that?"

"Yes. Leave me alone." 

"No." She sat on his bedside and rubbed his back. "What happened with Káno? Why are you so upset?"

For a moment Nelyo didn't know what to say. How could he put how he felt into words? 

"Just tell me what happened when you got to his place. He was home, wasn't he?"

"Yeah." But he didn't lift his head from its spot on his pillow, nestled between his outstretched arms. He gripped his useless right hand in his left. "I got to his condo. Two children opened the door and let me in."

"Children!" Nerdanel choked. 

"Yeah. You're technically a grandmother. Congratulations." 

"What?"

"Maglor adopted these two kids. Orphans, twins. I don't know why he thinks he can raise kids. I found him working at his laptop with earbuds in, blasting music, and he hadn't showered for days or shaved or gotten dressed. I can only imagine how those poor kids were living."

"Wait wait, slow down. Káno adopted orphans- twins? What are their names? Why did he keep this from us?"

"They said their names were Elrond and Elros. And I asked him to same thing."

"What'd he say?"

"He didn't really answer. So I don't know."

Nerdanel paused and lifted her hand from its gentle circle on Nelyo's back. "...So then what happened between you two?"

He didn't answer. He didn't know how. 

"Can you sit up for me?"

"No."

"Can you tell me what happened between you two?"

"...mm..." He thought about how to word it. "We got into an argument. I said he wasn't responsible enough to be a parent, that he didn't know what he was doing, and he said that he was. And that I was the one who wasn't responsible and overworked and can't take care of myself. And that it was my fault that I crashed my car and killed my hand."

"Oh, Maitimo..." The mother gathered her son up in her arms and hesitantly Nelyo sat up. He still held his right hand tightly, but Nerdanel didn't notice. "Maitimo, sweetheart, you know it wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

Tears pricked at Nelyo's eyes. He avoided her gaze. "No. It was. It was raining. I was on the phone. I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. And I hadn't slept for three days. I was distracted. It was my fault. A car, a truck, came around the bend and the sudden headlights nearly gave me a heart attack. I swerved away and slid on the rain and crashed into the guardrail. That's how I had crashed. Not as a simple accident. It was my fault and now I have to work as a fucking secretary for a fucking iron company because I can't use my right fucking hand." 

There was a long silence then. Nerdanel stroked her son's hair lovingly while he trembled in her arms. He dug his nails into his right hand in frustration and anger and sorrow and a million other emotions. Blood sparked at his fingertips and his mother noticed quickly after. 

"Maitimo, what are you-?" She gasped, bringing his left hand away and grasping it tightly. "You're bleeding!"

"Sometimes I just went to cut off the whole thing." He blurted and held up the limp hand. "Cut it off and get a prosthetic. At least then I could feel something. Anything." 

"If there's a procedure that-"

"Not with my condition." He cut off. "Don't you think I've looked into it? I went to med school for eight years. With this kind of nerve damage there would be no way to safely amputate it." 

There was a knock at the door. With a glance of worry and perhaps pity at Nelyo, Nerdanel stood and went to open it. Nelyo dug his nails into his hand again. 

"Nelyo...?" It was Tyelko, from the pale blond hair and mischievous voice, though there was no mischief there now. "What-"

"I said," He looked up quickly with a fiery rage in his eyes, "Get the fuck out of my room."

His brother scrambled away quickly then. His mother followed after him, shutting his door with a gentle click. She worried about him, even more so now that she knew how he felt about the incident. She almost didn't want to leave him alone, in fear that he might hurt himself more.

Nelyo laid his head back with a groan. Blood poured steadily from his hand, but he couldn't feel it. Of course he couldn't feel it. Eight years of intense med school, hundreds of thousands of dollars and achieving some of the best ratings a surgeon could get- and his fucking hand ruined all of that. It was all worth nothing, now. 

He shut his eyes. There was no point getting angry over something that had already happened and over with. So he curled up on his side, held his bloody hand over the bed, and fell into a deep sleep.


	2. the hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /dramatic/ flashback of the accident - read at your own risk

Fin hadn't heard his phone ring. He was out buying groceries for dinner that night, and for the next few days to come. He was very invested in finding the best kind of pasta for the best price. It was late Friday night, and surprisingly, Fin had no plans other than making a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs and watching a marathon of Netflix.  
He heard his phone only when it rung a second time. "Oh!" He murmured when he pulled it out and saw who was calling. His cousin (from the dark side of the family, as his father said), Nelyo. "Hey, Nelyo! How are you?"  
"Hello Fin! I'm alright, you know, but it's pretty late over here. What time is it where you are?" His deep voice trembled through the line and Fin smiled. The two of them lived pretty far away; usually, Fin stayed at home in Toronto and Nelyo stayed in LA, but Aredhel had injured her foot hunting (with Tyelko) and Fin rushed home to upper California to make sure she was alright. Of course she was fine, she tended to be pretty tough when it came to injuries, but nonetheless Fin worried.  
"I'm actually staying with Turgon right now, Aredhel got hurt in a hunting accident."  
"Oh yeah, Tyelko posted a picture of her bloody foot on Instagram."  
"What a good friend. Did he at least call an ambulance?"  
"I think so. A friend of mine actually operated on her."  
"...You refused to operate on her, didn't you?"  
A hearty laugh filtered through the phone line. "I refused, but only because I've had a really- interesting case on my hands."  
"Only because of that?"  
"And because she'd kill me and tattle on Ñolofinwë. Your dad scares me." Another laugh. Fin finally picked his pasta out and threw it in the cart. "Can you imagine? I walk in with my really sexy surgeon's suit and I pull on latex gloves, saying, 'We're going to knock you out now'. She'd lose her mind."  
Fin let out a guffaw of a laugh and disregarded the stares he got from strangers. He didn't care. It wasn't like he was in a library, was it? "It's fantastic to hear from you. I've missed you, Nelyo."  
"You too. Do you think you can come over sometime this week?"  
"Actually..." He went through his mental calendar and smiled. "Are you free tomorrow?"  
"Yeah. I have the whole weekend off."  
"Amazing. What time should I come over?"  
"Uh... The evening? Five? I'm driving home now on Route 5, I think- and I haven't exactly slept since Wednesday morning, unless you count that fifteen minute nap yesterday. And I also haven't eaten since dinner last night, so- uh- I'll probably be hibernating. But you can come by whenever."  
"Jesus. Yeah, definitely sleep in. Eat. Please eat, Nel, why do you never eat?"  
"Don't have time."  
"You need to eat."  
"Nah, I'm immortal."  
"Nelyo!"  
A laugh. "I'm fucking with you, Fin. I'm going to go home and eat anything and everything that is in my pantry, don't worry."  
"Don't stay up any later either."  
"I'll go to bed as soon as possible, mom."  
Fin grabbed a jar of Ragu tomato sauce and placed it in the cart with a scowl. "I'm not your mom, I just worry about you." And he moved down the isle to look for saltines.  
"Anyway, do you follow Ingoldo on twitter?"  
"That's a random question, but yeah. Why?"  
"He's been harassing Trump."  
"What?" Fin let out a laugh for his image of his cousin typing furiously on his phone. "Didn't he move to Sweden or something? How does he still keep up with these current events?"  
"He lives in Denmark actually, but honestly I have no idea how he does it. Apparently he got blocked."  
"Shit, that's hysterical." He was going to ask about Nelyo's brothers but got distracted by all the different types of saltines and trailed off.  
"Fin?"  
"Oh-" He realized he was still on the phone and chuckled, grabbing the cheapest box and throwing it in the cart. "Yeah? Sorry, I'm getting groceries right now. Distracted."  
"Nice. What are you getting? Fulfill my hungry needs."  
With a laugh he glanced in the cart. "Spaghetti, meatballs, crackers- all that jazz."  
"Having anyone over tonight?"  
"Yeah, my ass has a date with the couch."  
Nelyo's hearty laugh caused another laugh from Fin, and he turned into the soda isle to get root beer. "I'm jealous." A pause. "This fuckin' rain, man, I'm gonna crash."  
"Please don't."  
Another pause. "How rude of me. I haven't even asked how you've been doing. How's Toronto? Is everything good?"  
"Everything's great. Toronto's a really cool city, I think you'd love it there."  
"You got a job at that news place, right?"  
"Yeah, Toronto Gazette. Everything's been really good."  
"...Are you seeing anyone?"  
"Am I-?" Fin narrowed his eyebrows. "Dating anyone? No, still painfully single. What about you?"  
"No one. Fin, I haven't even had time to eat or sleep, you think I have time to go on dates?"  
"Fair enough, fair enough. What about that girl from-"  
There was a sudden, "Fuck!" through the phone and what sounded like skidding. And a crash. And a scream.  
"Nelyo?" Fin's heart jolted and he reached to hold onto his cart to keep steady. "Nelyo, are you okay?"  
He waited for the, "Yeah, I'm fine," but it never came. Fin just kept calling his name, over and over, until it became apparent something was very wrong.  
"...Fin..."  
His voice was crackly and pained and something in Fin's heart cracked. "Nel, Nel- Stay with me here! Stay awake, focus on my voice. What's happened?"  
There was a sob. "I- crashed... A car-" And a scream like lightning. Fin left his shopping cart behind, completely forgotten about his dinner, and found the closest person on their phone.  
"Hey- hey, excuse me-" He stopped a young woman with a daughter in the cart. "Can I use your phone? Please, my friend- I think he just crashed and I need to keep him on the line- can I call an ambulance- please?"  
The woman was more than willing. She stayed with him while he called emergency services and gave Route 5 as Nelyo's location (God he hoped he was on Route 5) and talked one-sidedly to his friend.  
"...Fin..." That broken voice came again and Fin's breath hitched. "...I think... I'm dying..."  
"No!" He said immediately. "No you aren't! You're going to be fine, everything is going to be fine-!"  
A long pause. Another scream.  
"...There's- blood... I can feel in... In my lungs..." A gut-wrenching wet cough. Maybe he was right, Fin thought, maybe he was dying- But he quickly erased that thought. He wouldn't die. He wouldn't let him.  
"You're going to be fine, Nelyo, I promise you're going to be fine!" He sent the woman a kind gaze and ran, through the isles and out the door, to his car where he fumbled to start the engine. "I'm going to drive to you now, I'm coming right now, okay? Do you hear me, Nelyo?"  
"...I hear... Sirens..."  
Good. Good, the ambulance had gotten there. He changed course to drive to the hospital. "They're going to take you to the hospital, you're going to be okay!"  
"I can't seem to... To escape from that- place..." He hacked and Fin tried not to imagine his friend spitting blood. "...Fin... If I don't... Survive-"  
"You're going to survive!"  
"...I want to... Tell you... I- I love you..."  
Fin choked at the sincerity of his voice and his heart broke at the pained sounds emitting from his throat. "I love you too, Nelyo, I love you too-!"  
The line cut off just as he heard other voices in the background. He would be fine, Fin had to reassure himself. He had to be. He was always strong.  
His hands shook as he found Fëanaro's phone number. He had never called his half-uncle before, for fear of being scolded by both his father and Fëanaro himself, but he knew he had to now. He let his phone ring out loud, on speaker phone, so he didn't break his eardrums when his uncle started to scream.  
"Who is this?" His voice was deep and surly like Nelyo's but had a twinge of fire to it.  
"It's- Findekáno, sir, you're neph-"  
"Findekáno? Why the hell are you calling me? Did Ñolofinwë put you up to this?"  
"No, sir, it's... Nel- Maedhros has-"  
"Nelyo? What happened?" His tone wavered.  
"He crashed- his car, he crashed his car and I think he's really hurt- He's on his way to the hospital now, I think."  
"What?" Fëanaro was stubborn, and rude, and quick-tempered, but if there's one thing he certainly was is protective of his sons. "What happened? Where did it happen? How come you heard of this before I did? What hospital is he being taken to?"  
Fin almost lost track of what he asked, because his brain was muddled as well. "Uh- I don't know how it happened, but I was on the phone with him and I heard him crash and a few minutes later he answered and kind of said something about crashing and a car. He was driving home from work on Route 5, I think. And I'd assume he's being taken back to the hospital he works at."  
He vaguely heard Fëanaro calling to Nerdanel and running, probably to his car. "Okay- Jesus, Findekáno- don't tell your father I said this but thank you, thank you for letting me know. I'll tell Nelyo's brother's."  
The line clicked off. Fin was trembling as he slid his phone under his leg. It was still hard for him to breathe. A car passed him and its headlights actually made him yelp out loud. "Fuck," He grumbled, and went to turn on the radio.  
Whatever podcast or talk show or whatever the hell was playing fortunately got his mind (partially) off Nelyo. But that voice, cracking and pained and hacking blood - lingered in the back of his mind. He couldn't forget it. And he doubted he ever would.  
By the time he got to the hospital it had to be two in the morning. It took a full hour to drive there, and he had gotten lost once or twice due to his mind being unable to focus.  
"Excuse me," He called as he walked into the ER, to a nurse. "My friend just came in here, he got in a car accident I think-"  
"What's their name?" She cocked her head to the side and held her clipboard close to her chest.  
"Maedhros Fëanaro. I need to see him, please-"  
She was studying her clipboard. "I'm sorry, he's in surgery right now. I'm afraid you'll have to wait a few hours." A realization dawned on her face and she looked down at the board. "Oh my- Maedhros got in an accident? Oh no- you must be Fingon then?"  
He nodded, narrowing his eyes. "How do you know-"  
"Everyone knows Maedhros, he basically runs the place. This is just terrible! Oh and I'm not making this any less stressful for you, am I?" She placed a regretful hand on his arm and sighed. "He should be fine in the long run. Maybe some trauma."  
Relief spread over Fin's face. There was no lie in her eyes. "Thank you. Just- can you let me know when he's out of surgery, and when I can see him?"  
"Of course." And the nurse left with a comforting smile. Fin slumped over in fatigue and went to sit in one of the chairs in the waiting area.

It wasn't long before the rest of Nelyo's family arrived. Káno first, who immediately noticed Fin and ran to him to ask how he was. Then it was Fëanaro and Nerdanel, who barraged the doctors and nurses with questions. Nerdanel looked like a mess, her hair frizzy and half her clothes on backwards, but Fëanaro really looked like he was losing it. He couldn't stop pacing and ran his hands through his hair just about every five seconds and cracked his knuckles and fidgeted nervously when his wife made him sit. Next was Curvo and Tyelko at once, and Moryo, and Telvo and Pityo finally. It was obvious the hospital was more than a little annoyed at how crowded their waiting room was getting, but every time someone asked annoyedly who they were here for and they replied with Maedhros Fëanaro, the asker simply frowned and sent a pat on the back. Everyone really did know him.  
"Hello, um-" The nurse from before, that Fin had spoken to, entered the room. Fin and the parents stood. "He's just gotten out of surgery and has been surprisingly strong to his injuries."  
"Can we see him?" Fëanaro had begun fiddling with his hair again.  
"Yes, but he's only asked to see Fingon. And as suggested by both the doctors and Dr Maedhros himself, he really should only be seeing one person at a time."  
Fin's heart was pounding, and Fëanaro had started pacing. Nerdanel bit her lip and looked at her husband and nephew for a moment, and nodded.  
"Go on then. He got here first. It's only fair. Um-" She grabbed Fin's arm as he started after the nurse. "Tell him we're glad to hear the surgery went well."  
Fin nodded and pulled away. He couldn't get to Nelyo fast enough. It seemed the nurse was nervous too, as she fiddled with a pen attached to her clipboard and glanced at Fin every few seconds.  
"So..." She started, in a low voice. "He may not be in the best- condition. By that I mean... I don't think I've ever seen someone so disheartened after surgery, especially someone in the medical field."  
Fin's heart leapt nearly out of his chest. A dark puissance seemed to wrap itself around him for a moment, and hastily he shrugged his shoulders back. "What- do you mean? What's the extent of his injuries?"  
She sighed and turned a corner. "The surgeons operated on his lungs, after seeing the right lung had been lacerated and was filing with blood-" Fin remembered Nelyo rasping about how his lung were filing with blood. He hadn't been wrong. "-And as the car had flipped in the crash, it seems his right side took the brunt of the impact. His right hand is the most worrying of this. It went right through the dashboard and was crushed completely-"  
"Enough." Fin managed. Nausea was rising in his throat. "Enough. I was on the phone with him when he crashed. That's why he was able to get here so quickly."  
"Well I must thank you then." The nurse sent a thankful smile. "We don't know how much more he would've been able to last."  
They arrived at a certain door then, where constantly doctors and surgeons and nurses walked in and out. Once in a while there was a scream, Nelyo's scream, as Fin heard from down the hall. The nurse that led Fin paused at the door, taking a deep breath, and opened the door.  
"Dr Fëanaro," She greeted and shooed anyone who lingered out of the room, "You called for Fin."  
Fin almost didn't want to enter. It smelt too clean, too sterile. It smelt like lies. As he stepped in he saw him, his half-cousin, his good friend, his secret crush-  
He had a black eye, that's the first thing he noticed. His skin was gaunt and pale, and it seemed his usual lively freckles had faded to a sickly grey, but maybe that was just the lighting. Then he noticed his hand; his right hand was elevated, cushioned by pillows, and rested on a sort of steel plate, suspended from the ceiling. There were rods of metal and staples imbedded in his hand and the thing looked so shattered and ruined that Fin had to look away. Even his eyes looked pale, lifeless.  
"Nel..." Fin murmured, stopping himself from collapsing at his bedside. Instead he grabbed a chair and watched those faded grey eyes follow him.  
"Fin." Even his voiced sounded cracked and hurt. "I can't- move my neck."  
"That's okay, that's okay. Just stay in what's most comfortable for you."  
He licked his lips. His eyes drifted to the ceiling above him. "I can't feel much of anything right now."  
"You'll get better, it'll all be okay."  
"No, Fin." His tone turned stern and his eyes stony. "You don't... Understand. My hand. I'll never use it again. It's destroyed. My life is ruined."  
"Your life isn't ruined." Fin spoke maybe too quickly. He didn't care. "Nothing is ruined. You just got in a car crash, you'll be fine."  
"But I'm not!" He shouted, and cringed at his own strain. "I'm not. I can never be a surgeon again. My dominant hand is ruined. And no one wants a one handed surgeon. My life is over."  
Fin figured it was no use repeating the same, "You're going to be fine," over and over again, so he simply sat back in the chair and fell silent.  
"...Fin?"  
"Yes, Nelyo?"  
He hesitated. Fin leaned forward in his seat. "Am I actually going to be okay?"  
Fin avoided his friend's eyes and instead busied himself with studying his shoes. "I don't know." He said eventually, truthfully. "You've been acting like you aren't. And since I wasn't there, I don't actually know what happened, so... I can't speak for you."

 

It was one of those late nights. One of the really late ones, where Nelyo hadn't eaten that day or slept for a few and it felt like he was going to collapse at any minute. Of course, he couldn't stop, he just couldn't, until he had finished all his work. And he finished at eleven that night.  
"Good night," The woman at the front desk, Clara he thought it was, called to him, and added, "Dr. Fëanaro."  
"Good night." Nelyo waved his hand and sent a nod, and quickly left to his car before his legs gave out. Once in the Cadillac, he laid his head against the seat and took a slow, deep breath. Then with another sigh he turned the key and started the car.  
He drove in mostly silence. The road was fairly empty, and in the silence he thought of calling someone. Maybe talking would help wake him up, so he wouldn't fall asleep with his car still going. So he reached for his phone, scrolled to Fin's contact, and called.  
He didn't answer the first time. Once more, Nelyo thought, and clicked the call button again. This time there was an answer.  
"Hey, Nelyo! How are you?" Just the happy tone of his voice and the lilt in his speech made Nelyo's heart soar.  
"Hello Fin! I'm alright, you know, but it's pretty late over here. What time is it where you are?" What if he'd caught him super early in the morning? Would Fin be mad?  
He wasn't. They talked and talked, on and on about whatever there was to catch up on. At some point the cars stopped passing Nelyo, though he didn't notice much. He was so fatigued he still felt himself nodding off.  
A massive truck came around the bend. "Fuck!" And he swerved out of the way to avoid crashing. But on the rain-wetted road he slid, and for some reason he clenched his right hand around his phone as he hit the guardrail.  
The rail actually bent under the impact and his car went rolling over the edge of the small cliff. The windshield shattered and the airbag deployed, but barely did anything. The Cadillac landed nose first and as the dashboard collapsed his right hand smashed through it. His head hit the steering wheel, hard, and some of the shattered glass flew back at him, piercing through his shirt and into his chest. The car rolled once, twice, and eventually settled right side up, though crushed.

For a long while Nelyo simply tried to breathe. More than twice he blacked out, only to jolt awake seconds later from pain. He opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was his right hand, resting on the metal of the caved in hood, but immediately he gagged and choked on blood. It was mangled, broken and bloody and twisted in a thousand different ways. Then it was his lungs. He could barely breathe because one of his lungs had been punctured by a broken rib, which had broken from the glass embedded in his chest.  
"...-Elyo! Nelyo, please, God please are you there?"  
With a groan he realized Fin was still on the line. He swallowed the blood the best he could and rasped, "...Fin..."  
"Nel, Nel- Stay with me here! Stay awake, focus on my voice. What's happened?"  
Nelyo found it hard to stay awake, but managed to continue. "I- crashed... A car-"  
Another wave of pain sliced through him and he let out a piercing scream. His hand clenched around the phone, at least it felt like it moved, but the pressure and pain built up to too much.  
"Fin..." He croaked, needing to hear his friend's voice but not very able to hear that he was already speaking to him. "...I think... I'm dying..."  
"No!" He shouted, and Nelyo didn't even have the energy to flinch. "No you aren't! You're going to be fine, everything is going to be fine-!"  
All sound cut off. Maybe I've gone deaf, too, Nelyo thought, but soon enough his hearing widened and a fey numbness filled his body. A deep voice, a voice as deep as the oceans and as fiery as a volcano, struck him.

  
_"You are not to tell anyone of this, Russandol."_

Those bright headlights from before, the ones on the truck that had made him crash, we're back. They shone like two massive eyes peering down on him, and for a second he thought he was peering into Hell.  
"-Okay-!" He spurted out finally, and suddenly the voice and the truck disappeared. Nelyo wondered momentarily if they were ever there in the first place.  
The pain came back full force. He choked and gagged on the cruelty of it, and managed to speak through the ever-present line of his phone.  
"...There's- blood... I can feel in... In my lungs..." And he let out a long, wet cough. Blood spurted onto the steering wheel an inch from his head.  
"You're going to be fine, Nelyo, I promise you're going to be fine!" There was the sound of running and a long pause stretched over the phone. Nelyo groaned. "I'm going to drive to you now, I'm coming right now, okay? Do you hear me, Nelyo?"  
That sounded good. That sounded very good. Optimistically he shifted in the partially caved in seat. Shockwaves of debilitating pain overwhelmed him and he screamed out, feeling as if his throat was being torn out.  
"I hear... Sirens..." And he did. In the distance, vaguely and warped, he heard the sharp siren of an ambulance.  
"They're going to take you to the hospital, you're going to be okay!"  
Would he? He gargled something about feeling like he was about to die, but it didn't quite get out.  
"They're going to take you to the hospital, you're going to be okay!"  
He chuckled, or tried to and ended up coughing. "I can't seem to... To escape from that- place..." He paused, swallowing to continue. If he truly was going to die, he had to say a few things. "Fin... If I don't... Survive-"  
"You're going to survive!"  
"...I want to... Tell you... I- I love you..."  
There was a pause. Too long of a pause. Nelyo's heart broke, and his breath hitched. Fin couldn't even lie to him? Just so he could die happy? Voices cut through his brain, and for a second he thought he was going insane. But then the rescue team was there, in front of the car with bright flashlights.  
"I love you too, Nelyo, I love you too-!"  
But he had moved as much as he could to hang up. He couldn't stand hearing that voice any longer. The shouting of the medical team got closer until they were right outside, prying the door off the driver's side. Nelyo had begun trembling, probably from blood loss, and a great chill laid over him like a blanket.  
"Sir," One of the men on the rescue team called, "We are going to take you from the car now. You need to tell us if it is too rough, okay?"  
"...mm..."  
Gingerly they lifted him, and he groaned lowly, trying to move as little as possible to avoid hurting himself more. It worked partially, as he was brought onto a stretcher and carried up the small cliff his car had toppled over. The men and women that carried him and ran beside him shouted and yelled at those in the ambulance, though what they said Nelyo didn't know. He could hear, that much he knew, but the words didn't register in his mind as words. Everything was merely jumbles of blurs and muffled screaming. Maybe that was him screaming. He didn't know.  
He blacked out on the way to the hospital, too. No longer could his body handle the world around, him, and he almost prayed to die. So he could be relieved of the pain. Of the fact that he'd admitted his love to Fin and been rejected almost entirely, save the hasty 'confession' of love. Maybe it was real. Maybe he did mean it. It was too optimistic at that moment.  
He was vaguely aware of being put under while the surgeons operated on him. It took what felt like days. It could've been days, with the amount of effort they put it. Don't put in that effort for me, Nelyo thought, don't try to save me.

It was morning when he woke. Light filtered in through the window, birds perched on branches outside, and bright flowers bloomed. There was a nurse all dressed in white next to him. He recognized her as Betty, who often helped him while he worked. He went to move, to ask what was going on, when pain shot through his right hand and he breathed out quickly, also noticing the strain on his lungs.  
For a terrifying moment he choked on nothing but air, unable to carefully get air in his panic. Betty noticed, leapt from her seat, and placed her hand on his bed beside him as she spoke.  
"Breathe, Maedhros, breathe. Everything is okay. You have assisted breathing, since your lungs are not quite up to capacity. Just breathe, shh."  
He took a long, rasping breath, and finally noticed the tubes in his nose. He went to touch it, but the movement of his right hand made him screech in agony. And he saw the carnage.  
It rested atop a metal sort of tray, pinned by metal rods and staples and long, ugly stitches. He tried to move it, even a little, but it stayed limp and lifeless. It was even hard to move his arm, and shoulder.  
His head migrated to Betty. "What... Did you do to me...?"  
"It was all procedure, Dr. Fëanaro." She assured. "We did the best we could. But your hand was wrecked in the crash, and there was not much to be done. There are some who are working on a brace for your shoulder right now, that you are to wear for the next few weeks."  
"The crash?" Nelyo breathed a sharp intake of air and paused. His memory was jumbled. "What- crash?"  
Betty sent a worried sort of look. "You were in a car crash, sir. On Route 5, right after you left work. You may not remember entirely, you have a moderate to severe concussion."  
He groaned. So that was why his head hurt. "What else have you operated on? Can I see my diagnosis?"  
Hastily Betty grabbed the clipboard from her seat, but hesitated in handing it to Nelyo. "I don't think I'm allowed to let you see this, but-"  
"I'm your boss."  
And so he went to grab the clipboard, and another shock of pain leapt up his left arm. "Jesus- fuck! What's wrong with me?"  
"'Left arm broken, seemingly post-crash.' Your arm was broken after the crash, and your right was- very badly crushed. What do you remember happening?" Betty read off the report and glanced up to Nelyo.  
He racked his brain as he tried to even his breath. Everything was so hard to do, so difficult... "...I don't remember! I don't know what happened, how it happened!"  
"It's alright, sir, I'm not going to force you to remember right now. You can have plenty of time to think over what happened." She placed a gentle hand on his arm. He barely felt it.  
"I want to see Fin." He blurted. There wasn't much he could pick out from last night, but he did remember talking to his friend. "Is he here? Is Findekáno here?"  
"Yes, I think so. I'll go get him."  
Betty spun on her feet and practically ran from the room. Maybe she was scared. Nelyo would be scared if he saw himself.  
"Sir?"  
More doctors and nurses were entering the room upon Betty's departure. He groaned and went entirely limp in the bed, given up on putting any effort into staying awake and aware.  
"Sir, we just wanted to give our condolences."  
Sleepily he looked up and met the eyes of a young man and two nurses. He barely recognized them, and he was sure they barely recognized him too.  
"Get out." He growled. "Thank you for your condolences. Get out."  
They scrambled out quickly. He didn't want to see anyone except Fin. Maybe he could tell him what happened. He had been on the phone with him, right?  
"Dr Fëanaro," Betty's voice rung trough his ears and his heart skipped a beat. He hadn't realized anyone was there. "You called for Fin."  
His heart skipped another beat and he took a long, shaky breath. "Let him in then. Please."  
Fin entered the room slowly, like he didn't want to see what Nelyo had become. And guessing by his facial expression as he looked him over, he really didn't want to see him in such a state. His eyes rested on his right hand a second too long. His stomach lurched.  
"Nel..." His voice was raspy and deep like he'd either been yelling for a while or asleep for a long time. Nelyo watched him pull a chair to his bedside and nearly cried out as his neck locked up.  
"Fin. I can't- move my neck." It was a lame thing to greet someone with, but he wanted to see Fin- and he couldn't find the energy to move.  
"That's okay, that's okay. Just stay in what's most comfortable for you."  
Nelyo let out a deep sigh at the sound of his calm voice. Maybe he would be okay, and maybe Fin would understand and help him remember what had happened.  
Nelyo stared at the white ceiling and licked his dry lips. "I can't feel much of anything right now." And he couldn't. A bit of a slow building panic rose inside him.  
"You'll get better, it'll all be okay."  
"No, Fin." His tone turned stern and his eyes stony. He turned on his friend like he'd slapped him. "You don't... Understand. My hand. I'll never use it again. It's destroyed. My life is ruined."  
"Your life isn't ruined." Fin spoke too fast. "Nothing is ruined. You just got in a car crash, you'll be fine."  
"But I'm not!" He shouted, and cringed at his own strain. That panic grew into a short burst of hysteria. "I'm not. I can never be a surgeon again. My dominant hand is ruined. And no one wants a one handed surgeon. My life is over."  
But Fin didn't answer. Quickly Nelyo thought it was because he knew he was right. That truly Nelyo's life was ruined, and truly no one wanted a one-handed surgeon.  
"...Fin?"  
A gentle pause. "Yes, Nelyo?"  
"Am I actually going to be okay?"  
"I don't know." There was so much truth in his tone. Nelyo shut his eyes in distress. "You've been acting like you aren't. And since I wasn't there, I don't actually know what happened, so... I can't speak for you."  
"You don't know what happened?" He jolted at that. It was his last chance. His last chance to come to terms with what happened. "You can't tell me what- what happened last night?"  
"Do you not..." He trailed off. A look of despair overcame him. "You don't remember what happened?"  
"I can see- light. And rain. And they say it was a car crash, so that must be my car going off a cliff." He scrunched his nose up as he tried to rack his brain. "It was a crash. I hit my head on the steering wheel. My hand went through the dashboard. Do you know- know anything else?"  
Fin was biting his lip raw. "You said your lungs were filling with blood. But the doctors said they fixed that."  
That would be the trouble he had breathing. "I don't- I don't understand. I can't think- I can't think straight. It all hurts, Fin. And I don't even know how it happened."  
"I'm sorry." And Fin rubbed his face in his hands. "This is horrible. This never should have happened. I shouldn't have distracted you from-"  
"No." Nelyo shifted and groaned. "None of this was your fault. Don't you dare do this to yourself. Don't do that to me."  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He sat up and stared into his friend's eyes for a moment, grief and pain threatening to resurface. "It just fucking sucks, you know- and I shouldn't even be talking."  
A moment passed. They sat in a tense silence, Fin unsure of what to say and Nelyo focusing on breathing and trying to remember. After a few minutes Fin stood.  
"Your family will want to see you." He bit his lip and glanced towards the door. In a last minute decision he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to Nelyo's forehead.  
He went to leave, Nelyo realized, and he sat up quickly to reach out for him - forgetting about his dead hand and broken arm. He let out a long scream of pain and pressed his eyes shut.

  
_"Fin... If I don't... Survive-"_  
_"You're going to survive!"_  
_"...I want to... Tell you... I- I love you..."_

A realization formed over Nelyo's mind. Not able to move very far, he called out. "Fin-! Fin, what- what did you say-?"  
"What?" He had stopped short when Nelyo screamed, his blood feeling cold in his veins and his heart hammering like it was about to break out of his chest. "What are you- what do you mean?"  
"I told you I- I loved you-" A rasping cough escaped his lips and his eyes roped in Fin. "What did you- what did you say?"  
A red flush spread over Fin's face and hastily he avoided his cousin's eyes. "I said I loved you back."  
Nelyo laid back with a groan. Relief painted his heart and warmth filled him. He did- he loved him back.  
But then again, Nelyo was near death. If Fin didn't love him, it would still be cruel to not just lie. The hopeful part of him said it was true, that Fin never lied. But the rest of him agreed that he had to have only said that to please Nelyo, so he didn't die in sorrow.  
"...And what do you say now?" He shifted and narrowed his eyebrows. His eyes stung with fear.  
Fin still wasn't looking up. That blush grew further, into the tips of his ears. "I- Nelyo, I think it's a little more complicated then that."  
He didn't. Nelyo closed his eyes and took a long, shuddering breath from the oxygen supplied to him. "It's fine. I understand why you did it. You can leave."  
"What? No no, Nelyo, it's not what you-"  
"Leave, Fingon. I don't want to keep you here longer than you want to."  
"I love you, Nelyo, I do!" Frustration overcame him and he stepped forwards. "I always have and I probably always will! But you know it's more complicated than that. Our families hate each other, I live in Toronto, your life is here and mine is far away, and besides- I know that if a conflict rises between our families you will always pick yours and I will always pick mine. We simply can't be together, no matter how much I want to."  
Despair overcame him. Of course it was complicated. Of course they couldn't be together. "It was a stupid dream," He said, and closed his eyes before tears could spill. Why would he ever think it possible to be with Fin? He always had to know that it was foolish. But hearing it straight from Fin made it too real.  
"It's okay." His friend placed a comforting hand on his arm and leaned down. "You know I'm always here for you."  
"Y-yes." Nelyo turned his neck back just a bit to see Fin, and grimaced. "If I could sit up and hug you I would, but..." A huff of a laugh escaped him. "I feel I might pass out if I try to move more."  
"Yeah, You should rest." Fin promptly placed a kiss to his forehead once more, and finally stepped towards the door. "Do you want me to send in your family, though? They might lose their minds if they have to sit their any longer. Your father might really set something on fire, like the last family reunion we had."  
Nelyo laugh once, twice, and stopped, since his lungs struggled to get air every time he did so. A cough escaped him. "Yes, send them in. I might as well see all you people and rest after."  
Fin sent one last loving smile, and disappeared.  
Nelyo rested entirely into the bed. Exhaustion had crept its way into his very bones and now he found it quite difficult to even keep his eyes open. They shut and all his brain could register was the steady pulsing beep on the monitor beside him.  
There was a knock at the door, but he didn't hear it. He was drifting off when a familiar voice shocked through him.  
"Oh, Nelyo..."  
It was his mother. Slowly his eyes creaked open and bright red hair came into his view, a darker shadow behind it. "...Mother...?" He squinted and the dark shadow moved closer. "...Father?"  
"Yes, Nelyo, its us." Nerdanel sat in the chair beside his bed, but her eyes hadn't left his right hand. There was a look of horror on her face. His father looked sick to his stomach.  
"Don't look." Nelyo hissed, wishing he could move his hand to hide it. "Don't look at it."  
"What happened?" Fëanaro blurted and immediately looked like he wished he hadn't said that.  
Those tears from before pricked his eyes. "It'll never- never work again." He shifted to move it away, forgetting he couldn't, and let out a low groan. "Please don't- don't look at it."  
A sob choked out of Nelyo's throat, and Nerdanel cooed and slid a hand through his hair. "Hey, hey, Maitimo. It's alright, it's okay..."  
"No." He closed his eyes before tears could threaten again, tired of everything that was happening. The pain, the exhaustion, the confession with Fin- and a thousand other things. "It's not okay. Not now. And not for a long time."  
"Don't give up so easily." Fëanaro slid beside his wife and pulled another chair over. "I know you're stronger than this."  
"I'm not." He shook like a leaf, trembling enough that his mother moved closer. "I've been wearing myself down for weeks. I don't give myself a break. The reason- the reason I crashed was because I was falling asleep on the road. I- I hadn't eaten for a day and I hadn't slept for- for a few days. I could barely make it to my car without passing out."  
"You should've called one of us to pick you up." Fëanaro's voice had dropped low at the sound of his son's cries. Never had Nelyo heard such a tone, and Nerdanel hadn't heard it since his father died.  
"You wouldn't have come." Nelyo did sob now, unable to stop from crying and hating himself for it. "I know you wouldn't have. You don't think- think I noticed you were- were wearing a suit? You were at a business meeting or- or something - and I- I- I-"  
"Shh." Nerdanel whispered and bit her lip to stop from crying too. "We were at a banquet. But that doesn't matter, it doesn't matter where we were or what we should have done. It was an accident, it was all an accident."

  
_"You are not to tell anyone of this, Russandol."_

Nelyo jolted. There was a voice. It had to have been from the crash. Slowly he remembered the voice - deep as the ocean and fiery as a volcano. He knew it from somewhere, but he couldn't exactly pinpoint it. All he knew was that the car crash was not an accident. It was certainly not an accident.

"What happened, Maitimo?" Nerdanel murmured, her hand gingerly sliding through his hair.  
"Nothing." He said quickly. "Nothing. I'm just... exhausted."  
Nerdanel stood. "We should let you rest. I don't want to keep you up if it's hard to stay awake."  
"If it's not rude..."  
"Rude? Be as rude as you want, you can have that much." She sent a pained smile at her son and placed a hand on her husband's shoulder. "Come on now. We should let him sleep."  
"I think I'll..." Fëanaro couldn't take his eyes off Nelyo. "I think I'll stay here. Make sure he sleeps well."  
"Okay," Nerdanel smiled and looked over her son one last time before walked out the door and shutting it behind her.  
Nelyo drifted easily off to sleep after that.


	3. dinner gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fëanorians are terrible at family dinners, Tyelko's a piece of shit, and Maitimo is still a salty motherfucker

Nelyo left for work at noon. He avoided the rest of his family at all costs, not wanting to have to explain what had happened between him and Káno. He threw on an old sweatshirt and blue jeans and headed over to the ironworks, an hour south.  
The car ride was essentially silence. A few times a car sped by him and his heart raced until he pulled over and focused on breathing. Driving still felt shaky to him, and he tended to drive like an old man. Often friends would make fun of him for it. It didn't matter to him. As long as he was careful, then what was to make fun of?  
He paused before he entered the ironworks factory, too, making sure his right arm was tied up in a sling around his chest before he unfolded himself from the car and headed inside. It was always better to just keep his useless hand out of the way. Azaghal had actually been the one to suggest it, saying he could get it caught in a machine if he wasn't careful. And so he decided to tie it up.  
"Hey," He greeted to the young woman at the desk. He had never quite caught her name. "Is Azaghal here?"  
"In the back." She didn't look up from her phone. Nelyo nodded, though she wasn't looking and definitely didn't care, and he stalked into the back, under low doorways and through the tunnel-like halls.  
"Az?" He called, knocking on the door to his friend's office. "Hey man, you here?"  
"Yeah!" The gruff voice called from within, and he swung the door open. Azaghal was a short man, but not small- he always wore a stained tan shirt, tucked into dark jeans, and there was always food stuck in his lush beard. There was a golden ring pierced in each ear and tattoos peeked from under his sleeves and collar. "Maedhros! I wasn't sure you'd come."  
"Anything for a friend." Nelyo stood aside in the doorway to let the man pass. "Though you're also my boss, and I couldn't get away from my family fast enough."  
"Yeah, well you have what- six brothers? Seven? I can't keep track."  
"Six."  
"Exactly. Watch your head," They passed under another low archway and Azaghal pushed open a sealed door, to keep the air in the factory sterile. They both grabbed a pair of ear plugs and goggles and Azaghal ushered Nelyo over to a particular table, where a half-finished sword sat.  
"Alright then." Nelyo pulled over a chair to study the fine steel. "Let's get started."

It took more than five hours. By the time the two of them finished, the sword resting in treatment, it was dark outside.  
"Oh, geez-" Nelyo saw the lowering sun and crinkled his nose. "I really should be getting back, otherwise my mother will have my head."  
"'Right then, laddie." The smaller man sent a pat on the back before Nelyo stood (since he wouldn't be able to reach his back otherwise), and took out his earplugs. There was no one in the factory, anyway. "Have a nice Christmas! Tell the family I send well wishes."  
"I will, thanks. Merry Christmas." Nelyo tossed his earplugs in the trash and stuffed the goggles back into their place in the drawer. He didn't exactly hurry out to the car, but he certainly didn't waste time. Nerdanel would have his head for staying so late. But they _had_ done a good job on that sword. It was balanced perfectly, and polished perfectly, and honestly Nelyo envied the man that got to own (or use) that sword.  
He drove faster than he was comfortable with, too. Eventually the incessant pounding of his heart made him pull over and park his car on the grass. He set his head back on the cushion and closed his eyes. Just breathe, breathe like nothing is wrong.  
His phone was ringing. His heart jolted again, as he first though it was a siren (that siren in the distance coming to get him from the wreckage of his car), but quickly realized it was only the chimes of his ringtone and scrambled to get it from his bag. It was Káno.  
"Fuck." He murmured but answered it anyway. Before his brother could even start speaking, he snapped, "I told you I didn't want to fucking talk to you."  
"Maglor says you shouldn't swear so much." It was that kid, the innocent one. Elrond.  
"Well Maglor can go to hell."  
"I called to ask if you could come back over here." He continued on without paying attention to what I said, like he had his mind set on one thought and absolutely had to say it. "Maglor locked himself in his room and we don't know what to do. Elros and I ate all the beans and now we don't know what to eat."  
Nelyo sat back for a moment, thinking. These poor kids were starving while Káno became a child himself and locked him in his room. Finally Nelyo sat up with a sigh and started the car, resting his phone between his cheek and shoulder as he typed in the address for his brother's house on the GPS. "Fine. I'm coming over now."  
Elrond hung up just as he finished speaking. Someone had been yelling in the distance.  
Nelyo still drove in silence. But he wasn't thinking. There were barely any thoughts in his mind, and that was rare. He was angry at Káno for spitting the truth, and he was angry at himself for avoiding it. And that a child had to remind him of being civil.  
When he pulled into Káno's driveway, it was really dark. He checked the time. Six thirty. Fantastic. Now he was truly dead. Merry Christmas family, here's your brother's head on a plate.  
"Maglor!" He rapped his knuckles on the door. "Maglor, open the door!"  
It opened, but once again it wasn't Káno. It was the kid. Elros peered around the corner of the doorway to the kitchen. "He's in his room still. I don't think he's asleep."  
"Great." Nelyo wiped his shoes on the mat momentarily and took a few steps down the hall before he reached the bedroom door. "Maglor!"  
A groan came from inside. He rolled his eyes.  
"Maglor, open the fucking door or I'm breaking it down! I'm not here to fight you. Your kid called me and said you were being a douchebag and locking yourself in your room. It's Christmas Eve, the entire family is at home, and I'm risking my safety by coming here. Mother is going to _kill_ me for being so late. Open the fucking door-!"  
It swung open. Káno slumped in the doorway, his face paler than usual and his hair greasy enough that you could fry bacon with it. He still wore the same pajama pants but his ratty sweatshirt was left on the floor, his chest bare. "What are you doing here?"  
"Wow," Nelyo raised his eyebrows. "I come here to apologize to _you_ and you give me an attitude? I should disown you."  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry- I just didn't think you'd ever want to talk to me again after what I said. That was - pardon my language, kids - really shitty of me."  
"Yeah, it was." Nelyo crossed his arms, though his right was already tied to his chest. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. That was pretty shitty. But I'm not here to talk about that." He grabbed his brother by the shoulders and shoved him into the bathroom. "Take a shower, a _fast_ shower. And kids, come here. You have to get dressed."  
"Are we going to your family dinner?" Elros exclaimed, glancing at Káno almost as if to make sure that was alright. He nodded.  
"Damn right you are. Káno- go shower. You smell like a pile of shit."  
"Pleasant." But he shut the door and soon enough the shower was turning on. Nelyo leaned against the wall and stared down on the kids.  
"Well? Go put on something nice. You know how to dress yourselves, don't you?"  
"Of course we do." Elrond sent a glare as they skittered into their room.  
Nelyo waited. He turned on his phone, to call Nerdanel and tell her they were gonna be late, but decided against it because he didn't want to be punished twice: once on the phone, and once when they arrived. Plus he didn't exactly want to break his eardrums by listening to his mother scream. So instead he passed the time by scratching patterns into his right hand.  
"We're ready."  
Nelyo jolted in his focus and looked down at the twins. They had matching sweaters and khaki pants, which was both hilarious and adorable. A crooked smile spread itself on Nelyo's face, and he kneeled down the straighten their clothes.  
"Mother is going to love you." He said. "Maybe she won't rip my head off."  
At that point Káno stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, and Nelyo forced him into his room to get dressed.  
"Be quick! I'll be in the car with the kids!"  
He looked down at the twins again and raised his eyebrows. They weren't moving. "Am I going to have to carry you? You know I only have one arm, right?"  
"Then what's that one?" Elros pointed to my slung right arm.  
"It doesn't work. I thought you'd at least figured that out." He started for the door and held it open. "Come on. I'd like to get home sooner rather than later."  
He practically did carry the kids to the car, nudging them and pulling them in his hurry. He started the engine and sat in the silence, of course until the kids began chittering back and forth. He forgot how talkative children were.  
"Aha!" He leaned over and unlocked the passenger seat door as Káno ran out. "There he is. Hurry, hurry!"  
Káno had barely shut the door after him before Nelyo had started backing out of the driveway. "You couldn't have gone _any_ slower?"  
"No! Of course not, it's seven o clock, mother is going to kill me!"  
"Okay, then I'd like to know why you forgave me so quickly."  
Nelyo thought for a moment. He was never very good at putting feelings into words, while Káno could write seven poems and three songs just on the feeling of dropping your pizza on the ground. "Uh- well... I thought about what you said a lot, and I think I just realized you were right."  
"I was- what?"  
"You were right. I was over worked and didn't take care of myself and it wasn't responsible. The night I crashed-" He swallowed hard. "That night... I hadn't slept in three days and I hadn't eaten all day. I stayed late at work because... I don't know, I thought I couldn't always just do _better_ , like it didn't matter if my own health plummeted. Sometimes I wonder if I deserved that crash, to put me in my place."  
"You didn't deserve it." Káno said quickly. "How could you say that? No one deserves a crash like that. You flinch every time a car passes."  
"Sure." He admitted. "But admit it. I was a stuck up brat."  
Káno let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, I can't say you're wrong on that one."  
They fell into silence after that. Nelyo had gotten his point across, anyway, and what else was there to talk about?  
Nelyo pulled into the family estate's driveway (next to Tyelko's BMW) at seven thirty three. He was sweating profusely and untying his arm from his neck as he commanded the twins be on their best behavior and all three of them apologize to Nerdanel for being so late. Then they exited the car and walked up the front steps. Káno knocked.  
"Fuck, Káno," Nelyo tapped his foot nervously as he heard footsteps from inside. "We're royally fucked-"  
"Boys!" Nerdanel exclaimed, bringing both of them inside roughly and throwing her arms around them in a hug. "You've _finally_ make it home!"  
"Is Nelyo back?" Pityo's voice echoed from inside the kitchen.  
"They are!" She called back, a dangerous, malicious edge on her voice. Then she noticed the children. "Why, you must be the children Káno adopted!"  
The two of them nodded, but it was Elros who spoke. "Maedhros said we could come along. I hope that's okay."  
"Of course it is! Come inside now, there's a chill in the air." Her tone was genuine and pleasant to the kids, and ushered them inside and down the hall to where the enormous dinner sat. She glanced over her shoulder at her sons and smiled much too wide. "We will talk after dinner." She hissed. The brothers shivered and certainly did not look forward to what was to come.  
"Káno's here too?" Telvo was the first one to look up from his full plate and notice. At his exclamation, though, the rest of the family paid attention. "And- those are the kids that kept Káno holed up pin his condo?"  
"They're twins too!" Pityo added.  
The little ones smiled shyly and sat as Nerdanel pulled more chairs over for them. They were placed right next to her, and quickly Káno sat on the other side of his foster children. Nelyo sat beside him and his father, who was at the head of the table.  
"What kept you?" Fëanaro asked bluntly, taking a long sip of the red wine in his cup.  
"I'm sorry. Work ran late." He picked slices of ham onto his plate. "And on the way home, I got a call from Elrond that Káno had locked himself in his room, and that they wished for me to save him."  
"How very noble of you," Tyelko muttered lowly, not looking up from his stuffing.  
"And what kept you in your room?" Fëanaro turned his fiery gas to Káno, who paused in his chewing to ponder how to answer.  
"Uh- I felt bad about an argument Nelyo and I got into."  
Nelyo held up his right arm, the hand falling limply. "Mocked my injury."  
"Káno," The father had a warning on his voice, and Káno flushed the color of the cranberry sauce.  
"It was in the heat of the moment, though it doesn't excuse what I said."  
"It's resolved, anyway." Nelyo jabbed his brother in the side and smiled. "It's Christmas Eve! Let's turn to more joyful subjects!"  
They did. Pityo and Telvo told their experiences at college (and bickered endlessly about the classes they were failing), and Curvo explained some of his senior year projects. He majored and minored in engineering, electrical and mechanical. Top of his class, straight-A student, blah blah blah. Tyelko tossed a piece of gravy-soaked stuffing at him and declared he was a nerd. To which Nerdanel threatened to throw his dinner in the trash and all quarrels ended.  
Nelyo straight out refused to talk about his new job. A wave of depression had hit him after he knocked over his father's wine glass with his dead hand, and even though everyone comforted him profusely, he still felt like... Like a failure. Maimed and injured and fragile. He hated it. And so he stayed silent. Maybe if he didn't speak at all they wouldn't notice him.  
Káno, however, talked incessantly about all the new songs he was writing and the contracts with record companies and how maybe he was making it in the music industry. Tyelko sarcastically suggested he bring bongos to their Christmas Day celebrations and Curvo being his weed and they could have a drum circle. To which Curvo and Káno teamed up and started an all out food war. Káno and Curvo and Pityo and Telvo against Tyelko and Moryo (who didn't take sides but threw food at both). And Nelyo who stood back and dragged the children out of the way. The fight ended when the eldest brother intervened, after a piece of half-chewed ham hit his face and he tackled Tyelko, Curvo, and Káno to the ground at once.  
"Enough." He hissed and wiped the food off his face with a scowl. "Or I'll gut the lot of you."  
"Fancy words for a simple man," Tyelko choked out with a challenging grin. And a new fight started.  
Nelyo took Tyelko's head in the crook of his arm while his victim thrashed and spat. There was strength in the eldest, though sometimes it didn't look it. Eventually Tyelko got a solid hit to Nelyo's stomach with his elbow and his grip was loosened enough that Tyelko could twist around and turn the tables, keeping his older brother in a headlock. But still Nelyo kicked his way out and pinned Tyelko by his wrists.  
"A lot of strength you've gotten back, Nelyo!"  
A short, _very_ noticeable silence spread over the room. Nelyo let go of his brother and sat back. There was a wide, hurt grin on his face. He pursed his lips, closed his eyes, and nodded just momentarily.  
"Why is it," He hissed dangerously, "That all of you _love_ to ridicule my accident?" He stood and brushed himself off. "For the love of God. If this dinner has to turn into a roast, I will win. I can point out stronger insecurities for each of you than any of you can commenting about my fucking hand." He waved the limp thing in the air.  
"Yes, that's enough now." Fëanaro looked up from his plate, as if he had never even noticed his sons were fighting in the first place. "If all of you don't sit down now I will probably commit arson."  
The nine of them paused.  
" **Now.** "  
They scrambled to their seats. Fëanaro was not to be messed with under any circumstances. Threatening to commit arson was a very reasonable threat. Last family reunion they had, he 'accidentally' set a tablecloth on fire after he had started a fight with Nolofinwë.  
"So," Nerdanel smiled, looking up from her plate, and turned her attention to the two children beside her. "Has Káno been treating you well?"  
Káno went red again, but Elros answered before he could. "For the most part. Sometimes he'll hole himself up for a whole day and only work on his music, but we're in-de-pen-dent enough, me and Elrond." He said 'independent' like he was trying hard to pronounce it right.  
"Elrond and I," Káno corrected.  
"Well I'm glad he takes care of you - _for the most part_." Nerdanel sent a dangerous grin to Káno, who quickly looked away. "I'd love to babysit if you have to work on something, Káno."  
Nelyo sat up. "One of them will call you if they need anything, honestly."  
"Call me? Do they have phones?"  
"They take Káno's."  
"What?" The musician started and peered at the kids. "You take my phone?"  
"Oh, yeah." Elros dug the iPhone from his pocket and handed it over. "I called- Nelyo before." He paused just barely at the name, not quite sure how he was to address the redhead.  
"I like them." Tyelko was smirking deviously, though it wasn't too rare to see that look on his face. "I can teach you a few things at pickpocketing, though - your skills are a bit beginner."  
"Tyelko," Nerdanel warned.  
"Remember that time," Curvo smirked along with his closest brother, chewing and swallowing a bit of ham. "You swiped that dollar from that old woman to get on the bus before your curfew was over?"  
"He's lying!" Tyelko flushed bright red and pointed a finger at Curvo. "He's lying, I didn't swipe a dollar from an old woman!"  
"No I'm not. You told me because I helped you climb in through my window from the sycamore."  
"I didn't pickpocket her!"  
" _Yeah you did_."  
"Well remember that time you broke my arm because I was helping you on your nerd engineering project and it malfunctioned?"  
"Oh, please. I told you it might do that, you were just too stupid to be cautious."  
Moryo groaned next to Nerdanel, rolling his eyes. "Please not this game again."  
"Curvo started it!"  
Fëanaro set his fork down a little too loud. Everyone jolted. "Enough, that's enough from all of you! You're _exhausting!_ I invite you all home from God knows where you've been traveling, and all you can do is bicker!"  
"Dad, I-" Tyelko started, his face pale with caution.  
"No, not another word!" He turned on Tyelko. There was a dark flush in his cheeks. "All you've done is make snarky comments and cause fights! And you, Curvo- you really can't do any better than starting more argument? Pityo and Telvo, all you seem to be able to talk about is how the other is failing a class! Moryo, you've been silent all dinner and everything you've said has been negative! Káno and Nelyo - you show up an _hour and a half_ late, with two children we've never met, and an excuse. I don't know whether to be angry or sad about how little effort this family puts into our reunions anymore!" An unexplainable, twisted emotion crept into his face. "There was more unity at Nelyo's bedside four months ago. What is that supposed to say about us?"  
A heavy silence laid over the air. Nelyo felt a weight like he'd never felt press into his shoulders. The breath left his lungs, as it seemed with everyone else too, and he froze in his spot. Fëanaro's glowering gaze on the eight of them would have unsettled even the hardest of men and made regular men cry. Nerdanel seemed indifferent on the outside, but her heart hammered near a panic attack on the inside. Káno was paler than usual, all blood drained out of his face, and looked as if he was about to faint. Moryo avoided all eye contact, Pityo and Telvo couldn't take their eyes off their father, and Curvo and Tyelko stared at their plates with a weight of shame in their eyes. Elrond and Elros clung to each other, terrified.  
It seemed, for a long time, that no one was going to move. Until Nelyo slammed his right hand on the table and stood so quickly his chair skittered back and fell over. All eight of them started, Nerdanel and Pityo yelping even, and turned to look at Nelyo.  
"Do you want to know what it says about us, father?" His voice bordered on insane and his expression backed it up. "Do you want to know? It's says that we come together when times are difficult, or big events happen. Do you want to know what else it means? _That we don't talk to each other at all_. I had been wasting away for _years_ before that crash. I barely ate, didn't sleep, and no one noticed. Káno took in two children and no one knew. And I know for a fact that Curvo has been to the hospital three times in the past month from collapsing in the middle of a lecture, because he's doing the exact same thing I did. We don't talk to each other. We don't catch up, we don't send a text or a voicemail or even comment on one another's Facebook posts. You're right about one thing, _father_ , and that's that we don't put any effort into our family."  
There were no thoughts in Nelyo's head now. Everything was blank. Everything was so simple. There wasn't any need for thoughts.  
"I'll let you all know one more thing, since it never bothered any of you enough to ask." He stepped back. His grey eyes must've been glowing. "It said on my diagnosis, which all of you saw, that my left arm broke after the crash, from other causes. While I was laying in my own blood at the bottom of a ravine, I heard a familiar voice. It said to _not tell anyone about this_. But at this point, I don't have the energy to care." He took a deep breath to continue speaking. "The car accident wasn't an accident. Gorthaur ran me off the road in an attempt to kill me. I just thought this would be a nice time to share that. I think I'm excused. Dinner was great. Goodnight."


	4. nelyo shouldn't drink liquor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nelyo gets blackout drunk, Findekáno saves him from utter demise (again), and the gang of Angband makes an appearance! Also, Tyelko gets that new gun he's been wanting.
> 
> complete trash, trashelves get drunk and play with guns. read at your own risk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer : none of this is accurate to the book or cannon, just seems like something that would happen in Modern AU let's be real
> 
> also kind of Sauron/Maedhros?? If that's not your thing just ignore it I guess I don't know I don't control you

The family stayed silent and unmoving for a good five minutes.  
Nelyo had escaped upstairs after his speech. He had left everyone shocked and enraged and saddened with what he said, and no one quite knew how to respond. So they just stayed in their seats and stared into their laps.  
Nelyo, on the other hand, called Fin. It was all he could do to not scream and just lose his mind. He hated his life. He hated that he'd snapped at dinner and he hated the crash that had turned everything sideways. He hated the goddamn useless hand attached to his body and he hated himself for hating all of these things.  
"... Nelyo?"  
His heart jumped. "Fin! Oh, Fin thank god you answered. Did I catch you at a bad time? Is Hanukkah tonight or tomorrow?"  
"It's tomorrow. I'm just at my parents now. What happened? You sound panicked. Isn't it Christmas tonight?"  
"Yeah, it's Christmas Eve. But sometimes I can't stand my family, holy shit. I just needed to talk to you."  
"Sure, of course. What's up? What happened now?"  
He let out a long sigh. At least he had Fin. "My father snapped at all of us because apparently we 'don't put in the effort' anymore."  
"Ouch."  
"Yeah. And he ended his whole spiel with saying, 'we had more unity at Nelyo's bedside four months ago'."  
"Oh that's brutal. What'd you do?"  
A laugh escaped his lips and he started pacing. "Then I snapped at them and- uh- said that none of us talk to each other anymore and that's why there was no effort, and stomped away and here I am." He paused (not planning on telling Fin the other thing he said) and groaned out loud. "I hate them sometimes! They're all awkward around me, too, because for some of them the last time they saw me was broken in a hospital bed. It seems my injury was the topic discussion all night."  
"Geez. You know we're all just happy to see you're alright, though, right?"  
"Yeah, I know. But it's still infuriating." His fingers brushed over his framed degree hanging on the wall. It was dusty. "I wish I could stay at your place for the holidays."  
"If only my father didn't hate you and you were Jewish and also didn't have a crush on me, maybe you could come."  
"Now that was brutal."  
"It's true though."  
"Yeah."  
A bit of silence. Nelyo wished he could be with Fin, to feel his presence. He wished he could be with him all the time. He missed him terribly.  
"...You want to get late night drinks?"  
"Yes." Nelyo said immediately. He had been waiting for Fin to suggest something, so he didn't look so desperate. "You know a place that would be open this late on Christmas Eve?"  
"Of course I do. A friend from the synagogue. I'll text you the address. Will you b able to sneak out?"  
"I'll damn try. Besides, I don't think anyone will have the confidence to stop me." He snatched his jacket and scarf from the chair beside his closet and slid it one quickly. Maybe he was being silly with his crush, but he couldn't wait to see Fin. His phone buzzed in his hand. The address.  
"You got it?"  
"I got it. I'm on my way out now. And Fin - drive carefully."  
"Haha. I'll see you in a bit."  
"See you."  
He flew down the stairs and stuck his phone in his pocket. "I'm going out for a bit!" He called. The house was silent. "Hello?"  
His mother turned the corner, her long sweater pulled tight around her body and her arms crossed. "Where are you going?"  
"Out." He opened the door and stepped onto the porch. "I'll be back whenever."  
"No- no, Maitimo you are not going out right now." She stepped towards him with a look of fear. "You just told us someone attempted to kill you. You are not going out."  
He groaned. Apparently he wasn't right about not being stopped. "Hold on." And he leapt back upstairs, and into his room where his old fencing sword lay. He grabbed it from beside his bed and propelled himself back downstairs.  
"See? Now if someone tries to kill me I'll gut them. See you," And he was out the door. Maybe Nerdanel was shouting from behind him, but at this point he didn't care.  
There was excitement flowing through Nelylo's veins when he started his car and pulled onto the road. He typed the address into his gps as he went, not willing to take a minute to do so in the driveway. It was thrilling. He had never been allowed to leave Christmas Eve without his entire family trailing behind him.  
The roads were pretty empty, too. Apparently he lived in a pretty Christian area, because most of the yards were lit up with sleighs of reindeer and blow-up Santa Clauses. He loved how empty it all was. Reduces the risk of crashes, and therefore reduces his anxiety.  
He arrived at the little bar at nine thirty. There was only one other car outside, and he guessed that was Fin's. He placed the rapier next to him on the passenger's seat and nearly jumped out of his car, wanting to see Fin as soon as possible.  
He opened the door louder than he meant to. There was only one person though, and it was Fin, sitting alone at the bar with a beer. Immediately as the door opened his head shot to the door and a wide smile spread across his face.  
"Nelyo!" He exclaimed, and threw his cousin into a hug as he walked to the bar. "It's so good to see you, really."  
"You too." He answered simply, his brain muddled with happiness and unable to produce more greeting words. "Got here safe? The roads were pretty empty around the estate."  
"Yeah, it was alright. I don't exactly live in the 'rich white beverly hills' sort of place, but yeah. It was pretty empty, kind of spooky even." He paused to look for the bartender and waved him over, shouting, "Hey, Frank! Get us a beer over here, man!"  
The man popped a cap and slid a beer down the bar. "Perfect." Nelyo smiled and took a long sip. An idea came to mind. "Hey, hey." And Fin looked up from his own beer, raising his eyebrows in question. "Let's get drunk."  
Fin choked and keeled over onto the bar. For a second Nelyo thought he was coughing, but he raised his head and there was mirth in his smile. He was laughing. "What kind of suggestion is that? You can't be hungover for Christmas!"  
"And why not? I'm an adult, I can do as I please."  
"Like hell you're an adult! You still refuse to book a haircut until it's necessary and cry when those 'in the arms of an angel' animal commercials come on!"  
"Okay, first of all," He took a swig, "I don't want to cut my hair. I like it long. And second of all, you're a heartless bastard if you don't at least get teared up from those commercials."  
"Fair enough." They both paused and took a long sip at the same time. "I still don't think it's a good idea. Besides, we have to drive home."  
"I live like two minutes away!"  
"Of all people, you want to drive drunk?"  
"Okay, so how about I get drunk and you drive me home?"  
Fin scoffed and leaned forward on his elbows. "Really?"  
"What? I want to get drunk. And I should be allowed to, with how everything in my life is going currently."  
Fin thought it over a moment, and a smirk twitched on his lips. "Fine, fine. I'll be your designated driver, and I'll watch you make a fool of yourself."  
"Yes!"  
"Frank, get us some shots down here!"  
And the night began.

Káno sat in the living room at home with a glass of wine in hand and boredom strumming through his body. At his feet sat his foster children, quietly watching whatever was on the tv (he hadn't paid enough attention to know what it was).  
"Káno," Tyelko entered the room and instinctively Káno placed his wine on the table before his brother could spill it. "Do you have any idea where Nelyo went?"  
"No. I thought he told you."  
"No." The blond flopped onto the couch beside him. He poked Elros with his toes. "Hey. Kid. You probably have Káno's phone, right? Has Nelyo texted at all, any clues?"  
"Mm..." Elros dug Káno's phone out of his pocket, Káno scowling above him, and turned it on. "Actually, yeah. Looks like he's been drunk-texting for a while."  
"What?" Káno grabbed the phone out of his hand and scrolled through the outrageous texts. "Did he go to a club or something? On Christmas Eve? Who the hell is he with?"  
"Maybe he's alone. Lemme see." Tyelko ripped the phone from his brother's grasp and bellowed with laughter. "No way! 'Ayyo fukcin hat u smtimes btu sall godo' This is iconic!" Tyelko stood as Káno reached for his phone and groaned when he was denied. "Curvo! You need to see this!"  
"No he doesn't! Give it back!" Káno stood and lunged at Tyelko, but he was clearly no match. The blond held both his brother's wrists in one massive palm and trapped Káno in a headlock.  
"And stop swearing in front of my children!"  
"Oh they don't care." He gestured wildly at the twins. "They probably know all the swears there are. What're your favorite potty words, kids?"  
Káno elbowed Tyelko in the ribs and finally got his phone. There was a devious look on Elros' face. "Don't answer that- do not answer that-"  
"Cunt."  
Tyelko made a face of shock for a moment before howling and falling on the carpet with laughter. "I love these fucking kids!"  
"Elros!" Káno screeched after a few seconds of surprise. "Elros, you never say those words, do you hear me?"  
They had already moved on. Elrond stood and pointed at the phone. It was buzzing uncontrollably. The minstrel held it up and slowly his eyebrows raised. Nelyo was texting him rapidly now, all of them saying 'BoiiiioioOO' or 'oH FUCK HELP'.  
"What's it say?" Tyelko took a long deep breath, steadying himself to sit up, and looked over his older brother's shoulder. "Shit, what's wrong?"  
"Hold on." Káno excused himself from the room and pressed the call button. His heart had begun to patter nervously in his chest. Since the car crash, the whole family had been on edge, anxious and wary of Nelyo. And after he'd just said the crash wasn't really an accident but an assassination attempt, the anxiety had grown tenfold.  
"Nelyo?" He called through the line as soon as it was picked up. There was muffled yelling in the background. "Nelyo?"  
"-Kanafinwë?"  
His heart jumped. "Is that- Findekáno?"  
"Yeah, yeah. I don't know if now is exactly-" There was what sounded like a scream and Fin shouted, "Sit down, Nelyo!" "-The best time."  
"What the hell is going on?"  
"Um- Well Nelyo got drunk and-"  
"Knew that already. What's with the screaming?"  
"Bar fight."  
"What?"  
The line ended. For a second Káno just stood there, stunned - there was a bar fight? And Nelyo must've been at a bar with Findekáno too, then? And better yet, Káno remembered at that moment that they had to go to midnight mass at church in an hour. "Fuck," He swore, under his breath, and turned back into the living room where Tyelko sat watching the same show the kids watched.  
"Well?" Tyelko didn't move his head.  
"Nelyo's in a bar fight, apparently."

Nelyo hadn't meant to start a bar fight, and technically he didn't. It was after five shots of hard liquor that everything started to blur and all he could do was laugh and grip Fin's sweater to stay upright.  
"That's enough now, enough beer." Fin slid the bottle away from his drunken friend, who groaned and pawed the air for it.  
"Noooo!" He cried and hiccuped, the gentle force of it almost making him fall over. A giggle escaped his lips. "Fin, you're no fun!"  
"You're going to pass out if you drink any more." He slid a hand through Nelyo's shoulder length hair and sighed. "Are you sure there's nothing Christmas-y you have to do tonight?"  
"Mm..." He thought, but gave up and turned his attention to Fin's face. "Are you sure I can't kiss you?"  
"We're in public."  
"So...?" He leaned in and pecked his cheek with a giggle and a hiccup. "Got you!"  
"Nelyo..." Fin bit his lip but didn't move away. "You know I can't- I cant do that."  
Nelyo leaned in again and smashed his face against Fin's in a messy kiss. But again, he didn't move away and instead wove his hand deeper through Nelyo's soft locks.  
It was at that point that two men and a woman stumbled into the bar, holding onto each other and laughing. The two kissing didn't bother looking over until the tallest, a dark-skinned man with wild curly hair, called to the bartender.  
"Frank! My man, get us a round, the usual!"  
Both Fin and Nelyo knew that voice. But it was Fin who pushed away from the kiss, holding his friend upright as he peered around the bar. Another man had entered the bar, a tan, muscular man, and followed his three friends into a booth. It was Bauglir and Gorthaur, and Thuringwethil and Gothmog. How interesting that they'd all convened at the same bar, out of the hundreds in LA.  
"Nelyo, I think we should leave." He whispered and grabbed his coat. "We can find somewhere else to go."  
"Why?" Nelyo slurred, practically shouting. "Can't we stay here?"  
"Shh. Let's just go."  
"Whydowe gotta leave?"  
Fin had been hoping maybe if he could keep his friend quiet and escape from the bar. But no, apparently it couldn't be that easy. Thuringwethil's sharp ears picked up Nelyo's yelling, and she quickly looked to the bar, nudging Gorthaur as she saw who it was.  
"Hey, Sauron. Lookit this, look at the bar." She snickered.  
The redhead narrowed his eyebrows and let out a guffaw of a laugh. He had had plenty to drink already, and was planning on getting more. "Oi! Izzat Nelyafinwë?"  
Nelyo and Fin stiffened in their seats. Instead of following what Fin wished what would happen, Nelyo whipped around and scowled at the sight of the enemy.  
"What, are you here to kill me?" He shouted back, only held back by Fin, who cooed things in his ear to calm down. "Here to finish the job?"  
"What're you talking about?" Gorthaur slid out of the booth and took a shot off the tray as the bartender walked by, throwing his head back as he drank it. A wide smile spread on his lips and he moved closer, cracking his neck. "Here to cause trouble, are we?" Excitement strummed through him at the look of fear in Fin's eyes. He loved that look.  
"We don't want any trouble." Fin grabbed Nelyo's arm and tugged him to stand. "In fact, we were just leaving."  
"Oh, come on." He drifted between them and the door. "Stay a while. We're friendly, aren't we Thur?"  
The black-haired woman smiled deviously and raised her glass.  
"We really should be going." Fin insisted, trying to get around the taller man to escape out the door. His grip tightened on Nelyo's arm and kept him from lunging at one of them. "Christmas Eve and all. I really don't think now would be the time to start a fight."  
The three in the booth snickered and Gorthaur simply let out a long, deep breath. The way he stared on Fin and Nelyo in front of him was... Hungry. His chin lifted up to look down on them, but his head was cocked to the side and he blinked slowly like a wolf studying it's prey. A rough hand brushed through his long, wavy hair, shining in the low light, and down his neck and side almost seductively. It rested on his hip, brushing his jacket out of the way to show a pistol in it's holster.  
"Now," He spoke slowly, reveling in the shiver that clearly went down Fin's spine, "I don't really think it's time for you to leave yet. But if you want to..." He unbuckled the strap that held the pistol in place. "...I won't stop you."  
Fin knew it was a dangerous game they were playing from the second the Enemy walked into the little bar. But as soon as he'd shown his gun, an obvious threat, it became a thousand times more severe. He nearly shook as he spoke. "What do you want from us?"  
"Oh, Fin..." The redhead smiled ever-so-gently. "I don't want all that much from you, really. Something small, something that doesn't matter much." A sharpened canine tooth bit down on his lip. "Only... Your lives."  
More of a panic began to set in Fin's bones, but Nelyo still didn't look all that frightened. Just angry. And confused. Did he know what was going on? "Please," He begged, pulling his cousin closer, "Just let us go. Somewhere within yourself find the kindness to let us go. It's Christmas Eve, please please just let us leave and no one has to get hurt."  
There was a bit of silence. Gorthaur smiled further, his white teeth baring and his silver eyes glowing in the light. "I see we are in a bit of a predicament here, then."  
His head turned to his master at the booth, lounging and seeming almost amused at his 'lieutenants' attempt at a negotiation. But Gorthaur's eyes beckoned him over, so with a grunt he stood and joined his friend.  
Fin hoped that maybe, maybe, he could find a way out. But now, there was no chance. Bauglir was the head of whatever gang or mafia he ran, and he fully lived up to his reputation. Standing at at least 6'9, there was always a spark of something evil in his golden eyes. A long pale scar ran over his nose and across his cheek intimidatingly, and his black hair rested wildly on his shoulders and down his chest like a lion's mane. And there was something so wrong about him, something at made Fin's entire body stiffen when he came near.  
"Maybe we should tie them up." His voice was deep, deeper than Gorthaur's, and rumbled through Fin's chest. "Keep them hostage for ransom. Fëanaro will pay a pretty price for this one, as will Nolofinwë."  
"I had bit of a more... Creative idea, sir." Gorthaur was looking Nelyo over, his eyes burning through his clothes. "What if we... Use them?"  
"Is this what you have told me of before?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"Please just let us go." Fin pleaded. His voice did shake now, his whole body trembled with fear. This was all a terrible idea, he should've stayed home where he was safe and Nelyo should've stayed home where he was safe. The Enemy turned their attention back to their potential hostages and Gorthaur smiled, moving closer. His hand no longer rested on his hip, on his gun, but instead went to his cheek, his pinky drifting over his lips seductively. He had to be drunk, at least a little bit. There was something sloppy about his actions.  
"I have a proposition for you, if you might be so kind to receive it." His friends snickered at the booth again, and that smile widened. "You know, I'm not exactly the jealous type. There is nothing of me to be jealous of, since I'm clearly the most beautiful and intelligent person alive, next to the boss here. But Nelyafinwë, there is something about you..." He stepped even closer, too close for both Fin and Nelyo's liking. Fin pulled them back, but Gorthaur just kept moving closer. "...Something that intrigues me. If you would be so kind to let me fuck you, then maybe we might not have to keep you hostage."  
Fin thought he had heard him wrong for a second. "You're kidding, right?"  
"Oh, I'm sorry Fin-" A bitter laugh escaped him. "You're not invited. Not my type. But what do you say, Mae- may I call you Mae?"  
Nelyo was moving back, confusion still etched on his face. "What do I say?" His words still slurred and he glanced at Fin for help. But he only got distracted by his eyes and a loving smile spread across his face.  
"Yes, Mae, what do you say?" Gorthaur moved between Fin and Nelyo, getting close enough for Nelyo to feel his breath on his neck. "Will you let me fuck you?"  
"Nel-" Fin started, trying to get his friend to say something that wouldn't get himself killed.  
"LET HIM SPEAK!" Gorthaur snapped all too suddenly, turning on Fin with silver eyes that truly glowed. After a second or so he turned back to his victim, however, and Fin couldn't stop a cry from leaving his throat.  
"I..." Nelyo stumbled back under the silvery gaze. "I don't- understand."  
"By all means, Sauron," Bauglir gestured to Nelyo, "Show him."  
All in a moment Gorthaur was on Nelyo, one hand gripping his hair and the other holding his throat as he enveloped him in a rough kiss, completely devouring the smaller figure in one movement. Nelyo cried out and jerked in his grasp, but as Gorthaur was much stronger and larger than him he wasn't able to do much. Fin, however, leapt at the attacker and tore him away from his cousin with such a ferocity that even Gorthaur himself was surprised. And secretly, Fin had gotten a hold of the gun and held it under his shirt without alerting anyone.  
"YOU-!" Gorthaur turned on Fin and clutched his braids in a hand. It was all he could do to not just gut him right then and there. He had enough of Fin's intervening, of his annoying little voice and do-good attitude. He looked to his master for permission to kill him.  
"Not yet." Bauglir rumbled. "Bind him. This one we keep for ransom."  
At once Gothmog and Thuringwethil stood to tie him up, and Fin saw his chance and took it. His fired the gun.  
Everything slowed down; Nelyo yelped in fear and fright just as it happened and as Fin yanked on his arm and hastily pulled him out of the bar, running faster than he ever thought possible. Gorthaur bellowed out in pain as the bullet tore through his abdomen, and rage shook his entire being. He took off after the two, stumbling in both drunkenness and sudden debilitating pain. Bauglir held his lieutenant steady and just about lifted him into his arms to go after Fin and Nelyo as well.  
Fin flung Nelyo into the passenger's side of his car and slid over the hood of the car to get into the driver's side, starting the car with a repeated "Fuck fuck fuck"s under his breath. Nelyo's head simply lolled back against the seat as Fin floored it out of the parking lot and onto the quiet neighborhood street.  
"Am I going to have to go to midnight mass now, Fin?" Nelyo massaged his throat. A bruise was beginning to form.  
"Midnight what?" Fin was a bit distracted getting away from the mob bosses (he had just fucking shot the right fucking hand man of the fucking mafia).  
"Midnight mass. For Christmas."  
"I asked you if you had any other Christmas things to do tonight!"  
"Well I'm answering you now. I have midnight mass like every other Christmas Eve ever."  
"I'm bringing you home then! Fuck," He swore as a car passed them and beeped. He turned onto the road that he knew brought them to Nelyo's estate. "I can't believe I just fucking did that."  
A bit of tense silence. Then a buzz echoed from Nelyo's pocket.  
"Káno's calling."  
"Fuck- give it to me!" Fin held out his hand and Nelyo placed it there, already clicking answer.  
"Nelyo?" Káno's voice called through the line as soon as it was picked up. "Nelyo?"  
"-Kanafinwë?"  
His heart jumped. "Is that- Findekáno?"  
"Yeah, yeah. I don't know if now is exactly-" Fin groaned as Nelyo shifted in his seat to press his face to the window, shouting, "Sit down, Nelyo!" "-The best time."  
"What the hell is going on?"  
"Um- Well Nelyo got drunk and-"  
"Knew that already. What's with the screaming?"  
"Bar fight."  
"What?"  
Fin hung up as he saw the black Mercedes in the rear view mirror. They were gaining on him. With a screech of the wheels he took off down the next street, only a minute away from the estate.  
Fin's mind went into the same state he was in when Nelyo had crashed four months earlier. Only focused on getting out of the panic. And lots of swearing. And glancing around. And sweating.  
He pulled into the driveway as expected and yanked the keys out of the ignition. He slid across the hood again as he unlocked Nelyo's door and pulled him out. He ran to the front door and pounded on it, screaming, "Let me in, let me in right now please! Let me in or I'll break the fucking door down-!"  
It flung open, and there was Nerdanel standing there. She gasped as she was shoved aside and Fin slammed the door behind them, leaning against it with heavy breaths.  
"Get down." He panted as Tyelko and Káno turned the corner. "Get down, away from the windows!"  
"Why?" Tyelko narrowed his brows but crouched anyway. Káno lifted a drunken Nelyo from Fin's arm and dragged him aside to rest on the bottom stair. "Is someone following you? Why do you have a gun?"  
Fin looked down at his left hand. It clutched Gorthaur's gun still. There was Bauglir's brand carved into the side of it. "I shot Gorthaur. Holy fuck I fucking shot Gorthaur."  
"Is that his gun?" Tyelko snatched it out of his hand and gaped. "I've been wanting this model for ages!"  
"Wait wait-" Káno looked appalled. "You- shot Gorthaur? How and why and when?"  
"Just now at the bar." Fin slumped on the floor against the metal door. "He walked in with Bauglir and Thuringwethil and Gothmog and I tried to slip out quietly but Nelyo was shouting at them as soon as he noticed them and then Gorthaur stood and started threatening us and they wanted to keep us hostage but Gorthaur- he- he wanted something more creative he said and then he kissed Nelyo and I attacked him and stole his gun and Bauglir said to tie me up and I shot Gorthaur and then I ran and drove here and now we're here."  
Fin was sputtering out the words, not able to speak all that clearly in his hysteria. Nerdanel pulled him to his feet and just held her hands on his shoulders and thanked him for getting Nelyo safe again and hugged him and thanked him again and again but Fin didn't hear it, because he was too busy thinking about Gorthaur with his lips on Nelyo's and his hand on his throat and that murderous glare in his eye when he'd shot him. He hoped he died from that wound.  
Tyelko was babbling on and on about how cool this was and 'wow maybe Fin had single-handedly taken down Angband (which is what the gang called themselves)'. Fin doubted he'd done anything except anger the group beyond comprehension.

Gorthaur, on the other hand, was angry beyond comprehension. He tried as hard as he could in his condition to break free from Bauglir's firm grasp, but to no avail. Blood shone through his shirt and he screamed in rage. He was going to murder those two. Thinking about all the things he could do, the fun he could have ripping them apart piece by piece...  
"Settle down, Sauron, please!" It was Thuringwethil who cooed in his ear now, her thin hand pressed against his cheek. "We'll get you to safety, I promise!"  
"I don't want- safety!" He shouted back. "I want to kill them!"  
"You will, I promise." Bauglir huffed and finally lifted him fully into his arms. Gorthaur's right hand pressed into the gunshot, trying desperately to stop the blood flow. He could feel the gore spilling through his fingers and staining his white sweater and probably his black jacket, too. Damn. He loved that jacket, and the shirt.  
Gingerly he was carried out of the bar, whining about the pain and not being able to go after his shooter. Thuringwethil slapped three hundred dollar bills on the table before they left and grabbed the half-drunken bottle of tequila. They'd need it.  
"Where are we taking him?" Gothmog asked when he started the car and began to floor it out of the parking lot.  
"Home, of course." Bauglir sat in the back with his lieutenant draped across his lap. He was stroking a large hand through his hair.  
"Home?"  
"Yes, home. And quickly, he's losing a lot of blood."  
Thuringwethil spun in her seat and eyed the groaning redhead. "Not the hospital? Isn't he going to die without medical attention?"  
"I didn't take you all for fools!" Bauglir snapped, worry for his friend getting to him. "We can't go to the hospital, we're wanted criminals! Why do you think we 'hired' that doctor years ago?"  
The car fell relatively silent. Thuringwethil turned back around with a huff and crossed her arms, cradling the tequila like a child. What a good way to spend Christmas.


	5. where are your children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Káno has a nice time with his gf . that's pretty much it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is completely self-indulgent and takes place a day after Christmas so clearly this does not line up with where I left off, but I wanted to write this so I'll fix it later
> 
> warning: tooth rotting fluff

It was a nice day. Cloud sprawled lazily across the sky, stretching their arms from horizon to horizon. The perfectly landscaped yard of the estate glittered under the sun's morning gaze, dew still clinging to the grass. The air was crisp. Birds nestled in their homes and didn't dare come out for a full day. Mostly everyone had gorged themselves on food the night before and now rested in a completely worn-out food coma. There wasn't even any yelling in the estate.

At least not for all that long.

"I promise not to be gone too long!" Káno called, making sure he had his phone and his bag with his laptop before he bolted out the door. He was late for a very important date.

"But where are you going?" Nerdanel shouted after her son, holding Elrond and Elros from running out after him. She got no answer. 

Káno took Nelyo's Saab, since his car was at home and his brother was still so hungover he couldn't stand. Fin had stayed over too, since he was too scared to make the trip home, so even if Nelyo wasn't hungover he would have enough distraction with their cousin. 

He pulled out of the driveway a bit too quickly, tossing his bag to the passenger's seat at the same and almost running over the mailbox. He swore under his breath and waved out the window to his mother and sons, and floored it down the otherwise peaceful road. 

He plugged his phone into the aux as he drove, to listen to the song he'd written one last time. He tried to find some flaw in it, something off beat and off key, but there was nothing. It was utterly perfect. Impeccable. Flawless. And so he listened peacefully, content to listen to the music. 

He parked at the entrance of the apartment maybe fifteen minutes later. It was noon, maybe, and he hoped he wasn't too late. Hastily he unplugged his phone, prayed she wouldn't be mad at him, and started inside with his bag tucked under his arm. 

308... 308... Aha! Káno stopped at the red painted door, white and red flowers tucked into a basket hung from the knocker. And with a deep breath, he knocked.

"There you are!" The door swung open immediately, and who stood in the doorway made Káno's heart patter like a snare.  _She's beautiful_ , he thought, and he'd be right. Her caramel hair was tied up in the back, curls framing her face and ending at her shoulders. She wore a sheer white blouse and white jeans with pink and blue flowers on them, and her face nearly glowed at the sight of him. Those shining brown eyes sparked with energy and her rosy lips quirked up in a pleased smile. 

"Sorry I'm late." Was all Káno was able to spit out, before he was yanked in by his sleeve (the door quietly shutting behind them) and pulled into a deep kiss. "Mm. I missed you."

"From when, three days ago?" She chuckled and pressed her forehead against his for a moment, then pulled away and stalked to the small kitchenette through the archway. "Take off your coat and shoes, come on in. I'm making tea."

He did as she said and went after her, placing his bag on the small table and sitting as she poured tea into a steaming mug. She sat across from him with a smile and wound her finger together between them. For a moment he was taken aback by her beauty, as she shone like a star in the sky. After a moment she giggled and he blinked and reddened. 

"So, Kallie..." He reached suddenly into his bag and pulled out his computer. She moved her mug of tea out of the way before he could knock something over. "I have a- um- Christmas gift for you."

"Oh, you shouldn't have." She bit her lip as he typed something quick into his computer and set it a little to the side. 

"It's- a song. I hope that's not unexpected, or-"

"A song!" She exclaimed. "You  _made_ a  _song_ for  _me?_ "

He nodded, the flush of red spreading on his face. "Mmhm."

"Well let's hear it!"

He clicked play and waited the few seconds for it to load. 

It was the best piece Káno has ever written, arguably. It started off with a low crescendo of violin and flute later on, which rung together in perfect harmony. Káno had pictured flowers in a field in that part, and it definitely showed. It melded into something more exciting next, jazzy and upbeat with a string bass and snares and cymbals, a piano accompanying in the background. Kallie began to tap her toes as she often did when she listened to or played music, and shut her eyes to focus more on the sound. 

The song alternated from quick paced jazz to a sort of ambient slowness and eventually blended together to form something more interesting and lovely than Kallie had ever heard. She then swayed as she listened, simply delighted that such music was gifted towards _her_ , that _she_ was worth such beauty. 

And it ended, as all things do. Kallie waited a moment, smiling wider at the thought of the song, and opened her eyes and clapped. "Bravo, bravo! You've truly outdone yourself, Káno." And she leaned over the table to press a lingering kiss on Káno's lips. He smiled as she pulled away and felt truly glad that she liked it. He had been so worried. 

"I can download it on your phone if you'd like." He watched her turn and walk across the kitchen, to peek in the oven. 

"That would be wonderful." She spun, snatched an oven mitt from the counter, and reached into the oven. Muffins. She'd made muffins. 

"Smells amazing." Káno was already plugging her phone into the computer and downloading his masterpiece. 

"I know. I knew you'd make some heart-felt Christmas gift like you did last year, so I made muffins."

"Now how's that fair?" He stood and slid in next to her at the counter and picked at the tops of the chocolate-chip muffins. She slapped his hand away.

"Eh eh." She clicked, as she would to a dog. "Powdered sugar." Leaning across Káno, she reached for the glass jar and tapped the bottom of it to douse the top of the baked good. "I thought," She added, turning to face Káno fully; his hands rested modestly on her hips, and hers cradled his face. "We could eat them in the park. Like we did last year. That was so much fun, wasn't it?"

A smile played on his lips. "Yes, it was, until you soaked my shirt through with snow."

With a sly smile plastered across her face, she jabbed his chest with her pointer finger and said, "Why- don't- you- bring- the- kids?"

Káno let out a full groan. "I can't spend a day alone with my beautiful girlfriend?"

"Where are they, anyway?"

"Elrond and Elros? My parent's house, that's where I'm staying for the holidays." 

"Ooh, perfect!" She turned, spinning out of Káno's arms like she was in a dance number, and spun back in to rest comfortably against his chest. "I can go meet your family, they can meet me, and you won't have to _hide_ me anymore!"

"Okay, first of all - I don't hide you. I just don't know it'd be the right timing, since-"

"It's never the right timing!" She pushed away and crossed her arms. A sense of wariness clung to Káno, for he knew that look. She was going to drag him down if he didn't just simply nod and do what she said. "Every time I ask to meet your family, you say it's 'not the right timing'! You've met my parents and my brother and sister, why can't I meet yours?"

"Well- um- I mean I literally don't think my family would be grateful for me bringing another person into their lives. You see, I-"

"You didn't tell them about the twins, did you?"

Káno swore. "How'd you know that?"

"Because I know you, Káno. We're going after the park, and we might as well bring some muffins. It's decided."

Káno but his lip momentarily. "One more thing..."

"...Yes?"

"Uh- well, you remember I was telling you about Nelyo, the eldest- and his accident?"

She raised an eyebrow, though it was clear she was concerned. "Yes? What happened?"

"It turns out the accident wasn't an accident, but an assassination attempt." He took a deep breath as Kallie gasped audibly. "And yesterday night, he went out with Findekáno, our cousin, to some bar, and the same person that tried to kill him walked in with his friends and they nearly got themselves killed. Nelyo showed up drunk out of his ass and Fin practically carried him inside and ordered everyone to stay away from windows in case the people came by and shot at us."

"Oh, fuck." Kallie breathed. "Oh fuck that's serious."

"Yeah."

A moment passed in silence. Káno's computer beeped with the indication that the song was done downloading, and so they both jolted as if previously asleep and Káno rushed to the small table. 

"All set." He handed over the phone with a smile and Kallie smiled back, though weaker. She folded the device over in her palm for a minute, deep in thought. 

"Is he okay?" She looked up with worry in her eyes. 

"Nelyo? Of course he's fine, he barely even remembers what happened that night. He's _still_ hungover, if you'd believe it."

Kallie stood still for a second, pondering the situation. Soon enough she perked up, stuck her phone in her pocket, and two napkins from a drawer to wrap the muffins. "Here," And she handed one to Káno, who smiled in anticipation. "Let's take a walk. Should I bring Wolfie?"

Wolfie was Kallie's rescue dog, named Wolfie from Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. "If you think he wouldn't be too much." Said Káno, already looking around the corner for the overly-excited pup. He had heard his name and jolted from his bed, and now bounded into the kitchen and jumped up on Káno. 

"Hey!" Kallie pulled him away by his collar and dragged him whining around the corner, to grab the leash from beside his bed. 

"Wolfie, you wanna go for a  _walk_ _?_ " Káno teased, and the dog yipped and pulled himself to the door, crying and tugging. 

"You ass." Kallie opened the door carefully. "You're getting him all riled up."

"A  _walk_ , Wolfie?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

They were out of the apartment in a matter of seconds (after sliding on coats and shoes, of course). Kallie was walked by Wolfie, and Káno chuckled behind her. As soon as they were out of the building and into the fresh air, the dog slowed down a bit and allowed Káno and Kallie to walk side by side. If not for the muffins they both chewed on, they would be holding hands. So Kallie ate hers as fast as she could, sad in finishing the delightful snack but wanting to hold onto Káno more. She slipped her free hand into her boyfriend's after crumpling up the napkin and stuffing it in her pocket. A smile spread widely across Káno's lips and he turned his head to study each and every feature in Kallie's face. 

"I love you." He mused. 

She finally noticed his staring and smirked back. "Love you too, you dork." And she pressed a quick kiss to his nose, turning back around when Wolfie began to bork at a bird. "Hey Wolfie, shush!"

"Always out to ruin our moment, huh?" Káno scowled playfully at the dog. 

They stopped beside a bench, sitting and allowing Káno to quickly finish his muffin. Now it was Kallie's turn to stare, loving the way his long dark hair flowed over his shoulders and those brown eyes seemed so loving. There were faded red circles under his eyes, Kallie noticed, and a ruddiness to his cheeks. He had been awake all night again. 

Once Káno realized she'd been staring, he flinched and met her soft gaze. "What?"

"Am I not allowed to stare at you?" 

A laugh escaped his lips. "It'd be too hypocritical of me to say you can't."

Her hand slid through his hair and fondled it carefully. A frown tugged at her lips. "I still can't believe you have better hair than me."

Káno chuckled loudly. "And that's my fault how?"

She flicked his cheek and sat back. "Fuck you."

"Watch your mouth young lady. That's not how you speak to a boyfriend, now is it?" 

Her head fell back exasperatedly and sent a sideways glare. "You're such an ass, you know that?"

That smirk didn't release from Káno's face. "And you swear like a truck driver, you know  _that_ _?"_  

Quickly and slyly she grabbed a chunk of snow from beside the bench and shoved it down his shirt, standing as she did so and stepping out of his reach. He shrieked out and shimmied the snow out of his shirt and stood also, the cold seeping into his skin and grasping him like frigid claws. 

"I'll get you for that!" He shrieked at the top of his lungs, and grabbed his own snowball to whale at her chest. She yelped back and threw one back. 

"That was right on the tit, not fair!" She was smiling though, and Wolfie barked from beside her. Even the dog was trying to jump at Káno. 

Káno was barely listening. He dove behind the bench, smirking, and began mass-producing snowballs. Kallie saw his technique and decided to do something a little different. She rolled a massive ball of snow, like the base of a snowman, and picked it up in both arms. Wolfie's leash was tied around the bench and Káno was distracted by his own creations. Almost sneakily she slid up next to him and hauled the block of snow, ice and twigs onto her poor unsuspecting boyfriend. 

"AH!" He cried and fell to the side with the impact. If not for the fluff of chestnut brown hair, she wouldn't have seen him. For a moment he laid there, completely still save the heaving of his chest under the mound of snow.

"You know," He wheezed, "This is actually pretty comfortable."

"Oh come  _on_." Kallie coughed a laugh and fell on top of the snow pile. Káno groaned and shifted underneath her. "I got you, admit it. I win."

"Win what?" He choked. "A snowball fight?"

"Admit defeat."

"Never."

She reached over and pulled his ear. He cringed and his lip curled up, but he didn't say anything. "Surrender!" 

After a few seconds he flinched from the pain and tugged his head away. "Okay, I surrender. That hurts."

She fell back into the snow, victorious, and raised her arms to the sky with a shout. "Aha! I win, I win against the most stubborn human alive!"

"Ha." Káno huffed as he sat up, brushing snow off his jacket. "I'd congratulate you, but I'm not actually the most stubborn person alive. That'd be my father or Curufin."

"Fair enough." She sat back on the bench and untied Wolfie, who set his head on her lap. 

"You've never even met them!" He chuckled and stood. He did a little shake to rid the access snow. 

"And who's fault is that?" She elbowed his side. He bent his head back exhaustedly and she continued. "You're bringing me today, you know that? That's what I get for winning the snowball fight."

He was scowling, but not at least in good fun. He reached over and gave the bun on her head a good bonk, at which Kallie yelled profanities and tugged on his ear again. 

"I spent so long doing my hair!" She was scowling now too. "Do you know how long it takes to get this into a bun?"

"A long time?" He smiled crookedly. "And stop tugging my ear, that hurts."

"Aw, you want a kiss on your itty bitty booboo?" She lisped and leaned in to peck at his ear. He sent a more weary scowl and moved out of her way. "No fun. So when are we leaving for your parent's place?"

"Ugh." He moaned, craning his neck back but starting back to the apartment anyway. His hand snagged Wolfie's leash on the way. "After I warm up a bit. That's fair," He added when she glared. "Or do you want me to get hypothermia?"

"Don't be dramatic." 

He bumped into her and broke into a run. "Race you back!"

Now it was Kallie's turn to groan, running after Káno nevertheless. They ran and ran until their legs hurt, and even then they didn't stop. Not until Káno got to door 308 first, stopping to pant breathlessly. Kallie came up on his left and unlocked the door. The two of them fell inside, not able to speak yet. Kallie laid on the floor. 

"That wasn't fair." She said once she had gotten her breath. "You got a head start."

"You sound like one of my brothers." He complained, straightening up. "You're ridiculous."

"Ha-" She laughed exasperatedly. "Says you." 

"What do I do to deserve your torments?" He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the fridge. "Water?"

"Please." 

He poured a glass for both of them and together they sat at the island. Wolfie sat on his bed in the other room. Conversation was inexistent until they finished their drinks, too fatigued in the moment to actually say anything. 

"Is this fine to wear?" She gestured to her blouse and jeans and stood. Maglor looked her over and smiled. 

"Of course. You look beautiful in everything." He stood, looped an arm around her waist and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then backing away and turning to the door. He grabbed his bag with his computer from the kitchen table and swung it over his shoulder. "Are you ready? I'm not."

"Oh, stop being such a crybaby." She playfully punched him in the shoulder and opened the front door. "Goodbye, Wolfie!" She shouted before shutting it behind them, earning a bye-bye bark from the dog. 

They were silent on the way out. Maglor was too anxious about what his family would think, and believe it or not Kallie was nervous too. What would his parents think, meeting her after dating their son for more than a year? She knew their grandchildren better than they did!

The car started with a groan and Maglor tossed his bag and the muffins (carefully) in the backseat. Kallie tapped her foot and noticed that this was not the usual vehicle of choice. 

"Who's car is this?" She tapped the dash. 

"Nelyo's," He laughed. "He insisted on getting some trashy old Saab after- well, after totaling the Cadillac." 

"Why?" She sat back, a smile sneaking onto her own face from seeing Maglor's. "Geez, and a Cadillac? He must've been making some fat stacks."

"Yeah, he made more than I think all of us combine." He shook his head. "Ridiculous. If you want to know  _why_ he wanted this rolling trash can, I'm not the person to ask. Honestly, I have no idea what goes through that mind of his."

"Really? I'd think you knew exactly what he was thinking. I mean, you're both insane, aren't you?" 

"Now now, don't disrespect Nelyo like that." He put on his mock-scolding voice. "It's very improper."

"I'm  _dearly_ sorry, honey." She gasped. "The last thing I want is to be improper!"

Maglor let out a bellowing laugh and took a left-hand turn. "We're so fucking sarcastic." He breathed, sending Kallie a mirthful gaze. 

The car ride was pleasant after that. Music played loudly and the two of them yelled conversationally over it, keeping their minds off the impending doom that surely awaited them at the Fëanorian estate. Maglor had wondered once or twice if Nelyo had even gotten out of bed yet, or if the kids worried about him. But quickly Kallie got his mind off it, ensuring him a pleasant topic. 

He parked the car in the driveway half past noon. With a deep breath and a shared encouraging look from Kallie, the two of them stepped out. Maglor grabbed his bag and the muffins from the backseat and started inside with an arm around his girlfriend. 

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Kallie reassured, though whether it was for herself or Maglor was undecided. He sent her a smile and knocked on the door. And they waited. 

Little footsteps pattered up to the front door, and they knew it was the children before it even opened. Two, small, soft faces greeted them. Identical charcoal hair glittered in the sudden flash of sunlight, and each of them hugged the adults.

"Where'd you go?" Elrond exclaimed, clutching his father. "You were gone for so long!" 

"I was gone for an hour and a half, kiddo." He ruffled his dark hair and stepped into the house with some difficulty. Kallie pried Elros off her legs. 

 "Hey now, where's the head of this household?" She peeked around the corners, nervously looking for another adult. 

Someone did meet them at the door, but no one they were expecting. "Oh, hey Káno." It was Findekáno. "Who's this?"

"My- uh, girlfriend." He answered, and Kallie stuck out a hand to shake. Findekáno took it with a smile and greeted her normally. Maglor sent Kallie a sideways glance of surprise, and she returned it. 

"I'm Káno's cousin." He said. "I'm on lockdown here currently. I made latkes though, you want some?" 

"What're latkes?" She narrowed her eyebrows. 

He chuckled. "They're like potato pancakes. I usually make them for Hanukkah."

"Oh, you're Jewish." And he turned to walk back to the kitchen, nodding. The two of them followed him, with the little ones trailing behind. "We brought muffins."

"Fantastic. I love muffins." 

The kitchen was a massive, empty room with a large island in the middle. On the center of the island was a plate of what had to be latkes. On one of the stools surrounding the island was a crouched over redhead, sleep-eating. 

"Hey Nelyo." Káno greeted, setting the muffins on the table. The redhead let out a low groan and shushed him, suckling on a potato pancake. "I brought my girlfriend. I thought you'd like to meet her."

A bit of confusion spread across his face, and slowly Nelyo lifted his head. His hair was stuffed into what had to be the messiest bun of all time. He straightened his tee-shirt and stuck out his hand to shake, then frowned when he realized it didn't work, and offered his left hand. Kallie smiled awkwardly and shook it. He held the latke in his mouth and blinked slowly. 

"I'm Nel-" He paused to belch loudly. "Nelyo. Nice t'meet you. Wha's your name?"

"Kallie." She raised her eyebrows, and the smile on her face only grew. She glanced at Maglor amusedly.

"Have I ever told you how charming you are?" He jabbed, sitting beside him at the table and placing the muffins on the surface. Nelyo ignored him and went to snatch a muffin, frowning again when his right hand didn't clasp it, and switched hands. 

"Mm." He nodded his approval and got up from his chair. "Imma... Lay down."

He didn't go far. Like he was getting into bed he sunk to the floor beside the island and chewed a mixture of latke and muffin, already asleep again. 

At that moment, Curvo came sauntering in, Tyelko trailing after him, the two of them shouting and arguing. Curvo almost stepped on Nelyo, who'd covered his ears from the noise, and Tyelko tripped over his arm. 

"For the last time, I didn't mess with your precious car!" Curvo turned on his heel, facing Tyelko fully. "Stop blaming me like a child."

"I'm not blaming, I'm accusing you, you piece of shit!" Káno covered Elrond's ears, the child closest to him, and Tyelko pointed a finger at his brother. "I should never have trusted you to 'take a look' at my car! Oromë says-"

"It's always about sugar daddy, isn't it?" Curvo hissed. 

"I'm sorry for having a stable and loving relationship!" He bared teeth. "Unlike you and your secret little trash girlfriend!"

"Oh, so now it's okay to shit on her? After she hooked you up with more pot after you ate an edible, went crazy, and showed up at my dorm like some lunatic? You have no right to be talking, fucker. You and your sugar daddy can go and fuck off and bone in your sugar daddy car or his expensive little Harley!"

"Stop fucking calling him my sugar daddy! Do you have no self-respect, you selfish piece of shit?" Tyelko didn't back down, in fact he lifted himself up to full height and puffed himself out like an angered bird. Curvo glowered. He looked too much like their father. "Back off. Admit you fucked with my car and I'll let you go."

"I didn't fuck with your car!" Curvo threw his hands in the air and groaned. "And you don't control me. I need to go and work on my studies anyway, this argument is going shit."

"I'm your elder and you need to listen to me!" Tyelko stopped him before he could walk away by stepping in his path. 

"Yeah, and I'm the favorite. Better let me pass, or I'm telling father."

A new voice entered the mix. "Neither of you are leaving and neither of you are telling father." A massive shadow crept up behind them, and two arms wrapped around the two brother's necks. Auburn hair slipped off squared shoulders and the face of a killer turned their view to him. 

"Nelyo." Curvo swallowed. "No need to get involved." He actually looked intimidated. Tyelko scoffed and rolled his eyes. Nelyo squeezed the the back of their necks harder with his arms. 

"You're not scary, Nelyo." Tyelko glared.

"And you aren't edgy. We're even." He growled. Those stone grey eyes seemed to glow silver. "Apologize."

Upon further inspection, Nelyo wasn't trying to be intimidating, but was just drowsy. That's just what he looked like in the morning. But he did look feral, and a feral Nelyo was no one to mess with. 

"I didn't do anything." Curvo argued as always. Fortunately, Curvo was on the left, meaning Nelyo could grab him by his collar and wrench him backwards, then forward. "I didn't!"

"Yes you did." Nelyo croaked. "You were being a dick." When Curvo looked away sheepishly, Nelyo shook him and shouted, "Apologize!"

"I'm sorry for being a dick." Curvo managed. 

"Now you." Nelyo turned to Tyelko, who had his arms crossed like nothing was going on. Nelyo shook him, too, but it was clear this brother was going to be more stubborn. Unfortunately, Tyelko was on his right and therefore could only receive a bop to the back of his head with a stump.

"Ow." He rubbed his head. "I didn't do anything either."

"You're being a dick, you're personally attaching him, you're being loud and opinionated and annoying, and of course you're being stubborn and refusing to admit you're irresponsible. Apologize or I'll kick you in the nuts."

"No you won't, and I won't apologize for all those things I couldn't do." Tyelko remained firm in his place. Nelyo glanced at Curvo in good humor, then at Káno and Kallie and Findekáno. Then he did as he promised. His foot came into harsh contact with Tyelko's crotch.

"What- the fuck, man-?" He wheezed. "Fuck off of me!" He struggled in Nelyo's steely grip. "C'mon man!"

"Apologize."

"Why do you care so much?" He questioned. "Why does this even matter to you?" 

"So I can sleep in quiet. Now apologize, or I'll kick you again." 

"You're a psychopath, dude." Tyelko grumbled, but reluctantly turned to Curvo. "Sorry for being a dick and annoying and loud and opinionated and stubborn. And for being irresponsible." 

"Good." Nelyo let both of them go and turned to head upstairs. "Play nice. I'm going to nap, nice to meet you, Katelyn." 

"Katelyn?" Kallie chuckled. "It's Kallie." She corrected.

"Whatever. Kallie." He shrugged and waved as he left the room. Only them did Tyelko and Curvo notice the new person in the room, and started as they did. 

"Who the hell are you?" Tyelko spoke first, turning to face her. 

"Name's Kallie. I'm Maglor's girlfriend." She responded, narrowing her eyebrows when Curvo smacked Tyelko's shoulder. 

"See? I told you I'm not the only one who has a secret girlfriend!" Curvo smirked, unfazed by Kallie.

"Yeah, well at least you didn't hide two children you adopted." Tyelko grumbled, the two of them fistbumping and now teamed up against Maglor. "Boom! You're not a nerd."

"Don't you two have anything better to do than harass me?" Maglor rolled his eyes, used to the abuse at this point. 

"Not really." He shrugged. "I only came down here for latkes and snacks." 

Maglor paused, smelling the air. "How much did you just smoke?"

"I started at seven this morning." He chuckled and stepped past to grab a few latkes. "I'm trying to see how long I can smoke without losing it. So far I'm good."

"You need to stop doing this. Get a job, Tyelko." 

"I _have_ a job." He munched a potato pancake and went to the pantry. "I'm on vacation. I'm taking a break, get off my back. Hey, Curvo, you wanna go to the beach later? High tides at four." He brushed past Curvo, who mentally thought about his schedule.

"Sure." He agreed. They no longer even acknowledged Maglor or Kallie, leaving the room to smoke and snack and 'work' on college assignments. 

 "So," Maglor clapped his hands together. "What now?"

"Now," Kallie turned to face him fully and jabbed her finger into his chest. "I meet your parents."

Maglor groaned loudly and sat at the table. "Why? They're terrible!"

"You're calling your own parents terrible?"

"Yes!" 

"Well you see..." She was clearly up to something, her voice giving that all away. "I wouldn't know. Since I've never met them in the first place." She smirked and winked and Maglor wondered what he'd done to deserve this. 

"Fine." He looked to Findekáno to avoid seeing Kallie's victory dance. "Fin, are they even home? My parents?"

"Yeah." He had been on his phone, but set it down when Maglor spoke to him. "Your father is upstairs, very carefully avoiding me. I think your mother is in her shop. She said she had a super important project to finish and told me to make sure no one walks in. Oh, so make sure you don't just walk in. Knock beforehand." He stood from his own chair and pocketed his phone. "I'm going to go find Maitimo. Good luck."

"Thanks. I'll need it." He muttered, watching him leave before turning to Kallie and swallowing the lump in his throat. "So then, who first?"

"Your mother." She had already decided. 

Maglor nodded and looked down to the kids. "You two should stay here. I don't want you getting trampled by my mother." When they groaned, he rolled his eyes and set them on chairs at the table. "Eat Findekáno latkes and Kallie's muffins."

They agreed happily then. Maglor took Kallie's hand and left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kallie is nicknamed from Kalliope, which comes from a Greek goddess of poetry and translates to "beautiful voice". I thought it fit well.


	6. blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sauron is an angry motherfucker, just call gothmog "Chef", thuringwethil is useless, and melkor is a worried boyfriend. 
> 
> TW: blood, obviously. mild gore.

It had taken hours for everyone to calm down. 

Sauron's screams still echoed through the cozy apartment, sending chills up everyone's spines. It was past midnight but no one dared to try and sleep. Gothmog had pulled a beautiful ham from god knows where and set up camp in the kitchen while he cooked. He insisted it'd make Sauron feel better. Pleasant Christmas music rang through the apartment, and Thuringwethil slow danced with her bottle of tequila. Long story short, Melkor had taken four Advils in the past hour and milked an early hangover with tonic water. 

"Will you please," He called into the kitchen, as Gothmog made an unnecessary amount of noise, "Shut the fuck up!"

"Oh, come on now." Thur smiled drunkenly. "Lighten up, boss. Here, have a drink." She offered her dancing mate. Melkor scowled. 

"I have a headache as it is." He sat back on the leather couch and nabbed a sugar cookie from the tray on the coffee table. "Besides, it's not the time to be dancing and celebrating. If you've forgotten already, Sauron has just been shot."

Just on cue, a blood-curdling scream shot through the home like lightning. 

"He's fine." But Thur stopped dancing and slumped on the couch next to the boss. "Good sugar cookies though, huh?"

"Mm."

"Gothmog made 'em." She snatched one and ate it whole. "'E's a good cook."

The door to the kitchen swung open and the subject of conversation walked out, holding a large plate with sliced ham. "It's ready!" He announced, placing the plate on the coffee table text to his Christmas tree shaped cookies. The ham smelt incredible, Melkor had to admit, and he felt his mouth water at the aroma. Thur leaped at it and tore a piece off, eating it like a rabid dog and dripping juices all over the hardwood floor and leather couch. 

"Thur!" Melkor scolded. "Who raised you, the wolves? Use a plate and utensils, for God's sake." And he took a plate from the pile Gothmog walked in with, cutting off a slice of ham and sliding it onto his plate.

"Ooh, that's a good point." Gothmog sat down across from them on the recliner chair. "The dog could get it this low."

"That mutt won't leave Sauron's side even if the house was on fire," Thur grumbled through a mouthful of food. 

"You're not wrong." Melkor murmured, trying not to think about Sauron trapped in a house fire. He stood quite suddenly, sliding another slice of ham onto his plate. "I'm going to... See how he's doing. Bring him some food."

"Try not to make out with him!" Thur mocked as he walked out. "Might make the injuries worse!"

Melkor rolled his eyes and swallowed nervously. He didn't want to see how his friend was doing. Of  _course_ he didn't want to see how he was doing. He was terrified. He was terrified of having to see Sauron so weak and bloodied. But he swallowed his fear, clenched his teeth, and paused at his door to knock. 

"...Sauron?" He called lowly. "Are you awake?"

A grunt and a bark from inside from inside. Melkor opened the door and immediately gasped. 

It was a good thing he had come at that moment. Sauron had somehow crawled out of bed and across the floor and now laid face-down on the wood. His dog whined helplessly at his side, nudging him and yipping anxiously. Melkor set the plate on the dresser by the door and crouched by his side, shooing the dog away and rolling over the limp body. He was covered in sweat. Soaked in it, really. Red hair plastered to his face and hung like seaweed by his shoulders. His usually golden skin was pallid and slimy, and his silvery eyes had faded to a diluted grey. Gooseflesh had popped on his arms, making the hair stand straight up, and blood soaked through the bandage around his lower chest. His ribcage raised and lowered erratically and frantically. 

"Oh, Sauron, Sauron, what-" Melkor breathed, lifting him up in his arms and speed-walking to his bed to lay him down. His heart drummed in his chest like a rattling snare and his hands shook as he pushed his wet hair away from his forehead. "What were you thinking, getting out of bed? Sauron, Sauron, you're hurt, you're very  _hurt_. You need to stay in bed and rest."

"I'm- sor-ry." He gasped, trembling terribly. "Boss, I- I wanted to- to- to get them."

Melkor shook his head in disbelief. "Sauron, you're delusional. You can't be worrying about that right now, okay? You need to conserve your strength." He swallowed the fear again. "For me. Please."

"Ye-s." His eyes shut drowsily and a clammy hand inched forward and snaked through Melkor's. "So-rry."

"Don't apologize." He croaked, his voice becoming awfully raspy. He cleared his throat and clung to his hand like a lifeline. "Would you- would you like to eat a little something? Gothmog made some ham." 

"Yes." 

Melkor hesitantly let go of his hand and stepped away, almost tripping over the dog and retrieving the plate from the dresser. The dog jumped up on the bed and snuggled in next to his owner as Melkor held the plate on the other side. 

"Open," He cooed, bring a small forkful of meat to his mouth and waiting until he had chewed and swallowed before he got more. He ate very slowly, something Melkor was eternally grateful for. He didn't know what he'd do if Sauron started choking. Probably have an anxiety attack. 

When he had eaten as much as he possibly could (and insisted his pup have some too), he closed his eyes and relaxed. "Sorry for- worrying you."

"I told you, don't apologize." Melkor pursed his lips and paused before he left. "Rest now, Sauron. I'll check back on you in a little while." Another awkward pause. In a split decision, Melkor leaned over and placed a kiss to his forehead. "Merry Christmas. Sleep well."

He left as quickly as he could after that. He didn't want to stay to see how Sauron would react, nor did he want to react to it either. He shut the door behind him promptly and walked into the living room, where Thuringwethil was laying on the floor and Gothmog was singing along to both parts of "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

"Aah!" Thur shot up to a seated position and almost hit her head on the coffee table. Melkor sat on the couch and set the plate down. "He totally kissed him! Look at his face, all red and embarrassed! Ooh, what was it like? On the lips? Or on the forehead like a sissy? Was he all sweaty? Was it gross? You're gross anyways, old man."

Melkor kicked her and leaned his head back, trying to will the redness in his face to subside. "Shut the fuck up. Why do I even hang out with you people?" 

"Uh, 'cause you love us. Now, some kissing tips-"

"I don't want any tips from you, kissing or otherwise." Melkor groaned, shutting his eyes. His migraine had returned, though the image of Sauron laying face-down on the floor only made it worse. His entire head felt foggy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally switching back and forth on different tabs on my computer writing different angbang/sauron oriented fics, send help. also I will add more onto this, just... wow, um I have a lot to do. if y'all want more angbang/sauron oriented stuff, comment and let me know. i'd be happy to upload more, just don't hold me to it if they aren't finished.


	7. the hand part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback number two (I promise I have actual shit planned): Nelyo is still a sad boi but Fin is a charitable man that wants nothing to do with his lack of hope

Nelyo was released from the hospital just two weeks after he was admitted.

He'd gone through speech therapy and memory testing, mostly as a precaution, police interrogations, and questions from life insurance all in that time. Speech therapy was unnecessary, and memory testing was both terrifying and difficult. Little by little he remembered the crash, and that helped with the police, trying to figure out what had happened too, and the insurance company, which was trying to figure out if they really needed to give him money. It was maybe the most stressful time of his life, and he'd been a surgeon specializing in open heart surgery and neurology.

It was the day he was released that he was truly stressed, however. He was a perfectionist. OCD, if you will. He needed everything to be in a certain order, a certain procedure, and he didn't feel like they'd done that with his admittance. While healing, the nurses and doctors that resided over him joked - he'll take over any difficult project, even his own injury. Did he never stop working?

"We aren't sending you back to your apartment, since you still aren't technically allowed to be driving-" One nurse said, Betty, while wheeling him out to the waiting area. Nelyo cringed at the thought of driving. "But there is someone here to pick you up. He said he'd be willing to have you stay at his family home, at least until you're permitted to live alone."

"The police still think I tried to kill myself?" Nelyo grumbled, hating the thought of having to be watched like a badly behaving child.

"You kept repeating 'don't save me' during the operation, so yes, they still think you tried to kill yourself." Betty sounded only a little condescending, though mostly pitiful. Nelyo hated the pity more. He wasn't a child.

"Who's taking me?" He asked, trying to move on.

"That nice fellow from the first night, the one that called in and saved you- Findekáno, was it? He said he had a place for you."

"Finde? I cannot go to his family home, I'll be torn apart." He grimaced, picturing Ñolofinwë harassing him and his wife patrolling him, ensuring their home's safety. Once when he was eight he'd broken a moderately expensive vase, and they'd never forgotten. "Why am I not going back to my childhood home?"

"Findekáno asked first. And besides, your parents said it wouldn't work out. Your father had some big meeting coming up and your mother said she was always busy." Betty seeped in more pity. "Findekáno is apparently taking off from work, and he was willing to take you."

His own family didn't even want him. He wasn't worth enough for them to take off work to aid him after the worst injury he'd ever had, after the loss of his job and confidence. He kept repeating this to himself as Betty pushed open the doors to the waiting area. Findekáno stood as soon as he saw them, smiling supportively. All thought left Nelyo's head, then. Findekáno's smile had that effect.

"Hello, Nelyo!" He greeted, that ever present smile on his face. He went to take the wheelchair, continue pushing his cousin around, but Nelyo stopped him and stood with some help. He wouldn't lose his dignity. Not yet. "Are you sure you're okay to walk? Your ankle was hurt, too, when you got here, is it-?"

"It's fine." He grunted. "Thank you, Betty." He glanced back at the nurse and managed a smile. "Give everyone my thanks."

Fin helped him out to the car with a strong arm around his torso. Nelyo was silent. He had so much to think about. Findekáno got in the car beside him and started it up, beginning the drive. It was too silent for a moment. Nelyo was staring at his hand.

"So," Findekáno said, mainly to cut the tension. "How is the speech therapy and everything going?"

That was probably the wrong thing to ask. Nelyo groaned. "Just as you'd expect. Terrible. I don't need it, I don't need any of it."

A pause. Fin bit his lip and glanced at his cousin. "But you remember everything now?"

"Kind of." Nelyo tipped his head. "I have a concussion. I'm just glad the memory loss wasn't worse."

"I'm glad all of this wasn't worse." Fin smiled, trying to get Nelyo to smile. It wasn't that easy. "Hey," He nudged Nelyo and smiled again, raising his eyebrows. "It's okay. You get to hang out with me for the next few weeks, isn't that something to be happy about?"

At that, Nelyo cracked a bit of a smirk. "Weeks with you? Sounds terrible. How will I survive?"

Fin let out a bowl of a laugh and rested easy. He knew Nelyo would be okay. Now he just needed to convince himself.

The drive from then on was filled with more of a relaxed happiness. Nelyo was nervous about staying at Findekáno's family home, with his family, but felt better just by being with Fin. On the other hand, Findekáno was excited to have Nelyo staying with them. Finally he could force Nelyo to eat his cooking!

It was maybe midday by the time they got home. Turukáno was sitting on the front porch, reading a book, and yelled inside when he saw their car pull in. Nelyo pushed his door open as they came to a stop, but waited for Findekáno to help him stand. Turukáno left his place to step inside, not even waiting for them before letting the door slam shut. Nelyo's hopes depleted.

"So glad Turukáno wanted to greet us," He grumbled, and Findekáno nudged him with a bit of a frown. "Was it a good idea to bring me here, Fin?"

"Of course. Where else would you go?"

Of course, he says. Yes, where else would Nelyo go? Surely not to stay with one of his brothers or his parents. "Sure." Nelyo breathed, his frustration growing. "I just want to lay down. Come on."

Ñolofinwë was there in the doorway waiting for them. It seemed Turukáno had called for him. He opened the door, a strangely unfamiliar smile on his lips, and let the two of them in. "Hello, Nelyafinwë. Feeling any better?"

The question was so confrontational and strange to be heard from his half-uncle that Nelyo barely remembered how to speak. Ñolofinwë raised an eyebrow.

"You do know how to speak, don't you, boy?"

Findekáno made a face, but Nelyo rushed to answer so they wasted no pity on him. "Yes. Thank you for allowing me to stay here, sir." He said, as quickly and tightly as possible. He'd only ever known Ñolofinwë as a hardened man. That's why it was so much more shocking when his half-uncle smiled and laughed.

"Don't be so uptight, boy!" Why did he keep saying that? Nelyo was twenty-nine. "Call me Ñolofinwë. Now do you want to go rest? You look exhausted."

He did look exhausted. Nelyo nodded and smiled back, stopping Fin before he could help him up the stairs. "Uncle, why are you being so kind to me?" He didn't mean to sound so cold. "I mean, I highly appreciate it. That hospital would have driven me mad. But you've always hated my family."

"I don't hate you." He admitted, which should have been flattering except for the fact that he still hated his family. "I want to show my idiot half-brother that I can take better care of you than he ever could."

Ah. So that was it. Nelyo shook his head humorously and nodded. "To bed then." He went with Fin, who helped him and his sore ankle up the stairs. Ñolofinwë, pleased, stepped away and disappeared.

Their home was nicer than Nelyo remembered it. Quieter, too. Findekáno only had three siblings. Fin brought him into his childhood room, looking exactly as it was left. Posters of book covers and framed certificates, diplomas, and trophies filled the walls and shelves. It looked just like Nelyo's room. Two eldest sons of their families. There was a smaller bed next to Fin's, a mattress probably pulled from the garage. Fin had already put a pile of pillows at the foot of the bed, knowing Nelyo wouldn't fit it's too-short length.

"Fin, thank you again." He was overcome with appreciation. He'd gone to such lengths to make him feel comfortable. "I couldn't ask for a better nurse."

"I don't know, I could think of a few with degrees." Findekáno sent back, helping Nelyo down to the mattress. It would have been too springy if not for the thick buffer of blankets Fin had laid down. "Get some rest. I don't want you to strain yourself."

Nelyo smiled and nodded, wiggling under the covers best he could with a dead hand and a broken arm. Fin saw his predicament and helped him. When he was all tucked and settled, Findekáno stood, sent a glad smile, and left the room silently. The door shutting was the last thing Nelyo heard before slipping back to sleep.

 

Nelyo dreams were riddled with nightmares.

All he could hear was that wailing ambulance drawing closer, smell the burning car and taste the blood upon his lips. All he could see was the jagged image of trees through his broken window, swaying harshly in the stormy wind. Feeling was always the worst in those dreams. It was a constant, searing pain, tearing through his mangled hand and bloodied body, the feeling of drowning in the blood filling his lungs overwhelming. He screamed and screamed but did not scream for help. He just wanted to die.

Someone was shaking him. Why was he being shaken? It hurt. He looked up and in the dim light he spotted Fin crouching over him. Over him? He was on the floor. Where...?

 

"Nelyo, you need to wake up!" Fin shouted, jostling Nelyo again until he woke with a groan. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Nelyo sat up with some difficulty and looked around. He was in Fin's room. That's right. He'd been moved there. Aredhel stood in the doorway, her foot in a bandage and her eyes watchful. Nelyo grunted and laid back.

"Hello, Aredhel." He greeted. "How's the foot?"

She seemed apprehensive for a moment but limped into the room anyway. "I was actually going to ask if you could look at it, it's been hurting again. But now isn't really the time..."

"No, it is. Anything to get my mind off- whatever." He sat up again and carefully maneuvered his left arm out of the sling. "Come here. What's been hurting?" He called her over and she sat on Fin's bed beside him, letting him take her foot and wind off the bandage.

"It's my toe, the big one. It's been killing me." She explained, and Nelyo didn't have to look further to know what the problem was.

"That's probably 'cause it's broken." He prodded the bones in her foot and avoided the healing gash. "Who patched you up? Do you remember their name?"

"I think it was Chrys. Like with a 'y'."

"Yeah, that explains it. Chrys is- lacking, to say the least, in these sorts of things." He wrapped up her foot again and sent a smile. "Two broken toes, the big one and the one beside it. Looks to be after the whole accident." He tucked in the end of the bandage and set her foot down. "My advice is to set the toes with some sort of small metal, wrap them up, and rest them for a week or so. Don't use wood to set the toes, my god have I had a lot of splinter-related accidents."

"Thanks, man." Aredhel smiled and patted his shoulder. "You should rest up too. Thanks for the help."

She left Nelyo and Fin quickly, becoming more uncomfortable by the second. Fin helped Nelyo to lay back again, moving so he could sit against his bed while staying right beside him.

"Make sure she doesn't set it with wood." Nelyo said, breathing heavy. Sitting up was still a bit of an effort, since his lungs were still healing. Fin was chewing his lip, a nervous habit. He studied Nelyo's face and took a long, deep breath.

"You miss your work." He concluded. "You miss the hospital."

Nelyo met Fin's eyes and nodded. "I'm never going to be able to go back there. You know that. Don't say otherwise." He laughed bitterly and shut his eyes. "Guess I have to find a new passion. Maybe I'll move in with Káno. Feed off of him like a roach."

"Don't do this to yourself, Nelyo." Fin shifted closer and set a hand on Nelyo's shoulder. "There are other options in your field. You could be a consultant."

"A consultant? What, and never use the knowledge I gained from seven years of college in real life? Fin, I went to school for my specific field. There isn't much I can do outside of that." He grumbled, closed his eyes, and turned his head away. "Leave me alone. I just want to be in misery by myself."

"No." Fin turned Nelyo's face back. "I'm not letting you do this to yourself. I'm going to look for options for you. You cannot give up. You're stronger than that, Maitimo, I know you are."

Using his mother name name him scowl and try to turn away more, but Fin held his face solidly, so he simply avoided eye contact. "Stop it or I'm going to regret letting you bring me here."

"And where else will you go?" Fin hissed, but realized what he'd said a second later when Nelyo choked out a sob. He was an emotional wreck. One word and he's crying. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Fin moved closer, his eyes shining with regret. Nelyo finally shook his head out of his grasp and turned away.

"I wish they'd just thrown me out in the street." Nelyo spat. His voice was more gravelly than usual. "Better yet, they shouldn't have even gotten me from that ravine. Now get out. I just want to sleep."

Fin stood after a moment of contemplative silence, and left. Well, not really. He stood in the doorway, just outside Nelyo's range of sight, and watched him. There wasn't much to see. He cried himself to sleep and drifted endlessly in the prison of his own mind. Fin stood there the entire time he slept to make sure he could be by his side if he started screaming again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know if this is out of place or not but oh well here we are - comment thoughts and opinion and leave a kudos if you liked :)


	8. Intro to the Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ha yeah sorry - I haven’t updated this story in like literal months. I guess time got away from me (it was really just schoolwork, tbh). 
> 
> This is the intro into the next part of this piece, so not very long and a bit of a faster pace, as the rest of it will probably be.

To think Melkor and his gang wouldn't retaliate is a false hope. This is where it all went to shit.

It was Christmas Day and the family (plus add-ons) was planning on going out to dinner. Everyone was dressed up in suits and dresses and fine jewelry. The only thing out of ordinary was how suspicious Fëanor was acting. He was planning something, getting phone calls constantly and looking tense whenever he wasn't. No one really noticed except Nelyo, and that was simply because Findekáno had to leave for his own Hanukkah celebrations and had the lack of entertainment to be watchful.

"We're going to be late!" Nerdanel was shouting, fixing her diamond earrings and opening the door. "Honey, I'll be in the car!" She called down the hall to Fëanor, who was currently whisper-yelling furiously on the phone. Nerdanel rolled her eyes and grabbed the keys, stepping outside to start the car.

Káno adjusted the bow ties on Elrond and Elros' little suits and stood to straighten his own jacket. Kallie laughed at his preciseness and didn't even bother making touch-ups to her red dress or minimal makeup. The four of them left the house next, Tyelko and Oromë following them out.

"Hey! Káno!" Tyelko came to a stop just before he ran into his brother and huffed. "Let me take the kids. Can't I take them? They'll have more fun with me."

Káno thought this over briefly. "Uh, no. I don't want them to die."

"Please, papa?" Elros whined, tugging on his hand. Tyelko beeped the key fob and the lights on his BMW blinked. "It's so cool! Can we please go with him?"

Káno thought this over again and looked to Kallie. She nodded. "Fine. But Tyelko, I swear to god if you go over 80 in that thing you will not make it to next week." He let go of Elrond and Elros' hands and the twins laughed and ran after Tyelko and Oromë.

"Ooh, what're you gonna sing me to death?" Tyelko teased, and Káno immediately regretted letting his kids go with him. Kallie took his hand and led him over to their own car instead.

"Káno, can we go with you, then?" A different set of twins popped up behind him and already started getting in the car. "Amrod is a terrible driver."

"And Amras only knows how to drive automatic."

"Fine." Káno got into the driver's seat and Kallie couldn't help but laugh again. His family was so much more interesting. "Why don't you just go with mom and dad?" He asked, as they climbed in after them.

"They're just going to bug us about schoolwork. You know how it is." Amras buckled his seatbelt and smiled way too enthusiastically. Káno took that as an answer and dropped it.

Moryo and his girlfriend hitched a ride with Curvo and Curvo's girlfriend, which left Nelyo both alone and forced to carpool with his parents. It was exactly why he didn't want Findekáno to leave. He already had a bad feeling about that night.

"Fëanor, come on!" Nerdanel shouted out the passenger's window, as her husband left the house. "We're the last to leave, hurry up!"

"I had a phone call." He excused lamely, getting behind the wheel and backing up recklessly. Nelyo held onto the seatbelt and closed his eyes. "Oh, hello Nelyo. I didn't know that you were riding with us."

"He doesn't have a date like his brothers." Nerdanel explained, making Nelyo cringe and pray this conversation didn't last long. "Maybe he'll get one next year."

If only he was attracted to women.

Fëanor's driving was completely out of control. Nelyo held onto the seatbelt as tightly as possible to try and stay stable while his father zoomed out of turns and flung around corners. His memories started coming up again, his Cadillac driving as recklessly as Fëanor was right then, rain mashing against the windshield and headlights blaring past him. Soon he was slipping out of reality and back to that dark time.

"Father-" He choked. His right hand ached. "Please, slow- slow down."

"We're late for our reservations." Fëanor shot back tersely. "They might give away our table to some smaller family."

Nelyo swallowed his nausea and let his head drop to loll around. He was going to be sick. It was too much, too much-

"Pull over, dad. Please." Nelyo managed, a short little whine. Nerdanel glanced back and saw how green his face was.

"Dear, pull over." She held Fëanor's arm, who glanced at Nerdanel and saw Nelyo in the rear view mirror and paled. He realized his son's dilemma and felt the same guilt he'd felt when Findekáno called, telling him Nelyo had been brought to the hospital.

"You can't wait until we get there?" Fëanor clarified, but Nelyo couldn't answer. He was panicking completely. Fëanor pulled over as quickly as he could and Nelyo collapsed out the door, vomiting into the grass on the side of the road. He felt like he was dying again. His lungs burned. For a moment everything was quiet, as Nelyo panted and threw up everything in his stomach. He tucked his head into his knees and tried sucking the tears back into his body.

"Are you alright, Nelyo?" His mother was calling from the front seat. She was turned around completely to watch him. Nelyo lifted his head, spit to get rid of the taste in his mouth, and turned to face her. For a moment, Nerdanel's heart stopped. He looked the same he did when she first saw him in that hospital bed.

"Fine. I'm fine." He pulled himself back into the car, shutting the door and leaning his head back. He tried desperately to even his breath. "Thanks. Let's go."

"I'm sorry, Nelyo." Fëanor said. He felt horribly guilty. "If you need to stop again, tell me. I'm sorry I didn't listen the first time."

"It's okay. Let's go." His voice was so monotone that his parents still worried, but they started again anyways at a much slower pace.

The rest of the car ride was normal. Fëanor was still as tense as he'd been all night, but Nelyo no longer felt so freaked out by his driving, so it was good in his mind. When they finally pulled into the restaurant parking lot, Nelyo was more than ready to leave that damned car, no matter how slow they went.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Nerdanel stopped him and rubbed his back. He shrugged her off and walked faster.

"I'm fine." He insisted, his face a scowl. Their whole family was inside and waiting for them, which instantly made Nelyo feel better. He could blend into the crowd again.

"Hi, I've made reservations." Fëanor stepped up to the hostess. "Party of fifteen for seven thirty, under the name of Fëanaro."

The hostess didn't even have to look to check if that was them. "This way. We've saved some tables."

The crowd followed after her into the corner of the restaurant, to a smaller room off to the side. This was normal. With a family as big as them it was no surprise to want to quarantine them. The hostess looked as if she were unloading their entire storage of menus as she passed them out, somehow still making sure to give two coloring sheets to the kids. Káno was glad for it. It settled them down after their wild car ride with Uncle Tyelko.

"So," Fëanor turned to Curvo and his girlfriend, who he had just noticed looked to be pregnant. "Are you two planning on getting married anytime soon?"

Curvo choked on his water and his girlfriend let out a massive laugh. "Dad!" He shouted, trying to stifle his voice somewhat. His girlfriend was losing it. Fëanor raised his hands in surrender and turned away.

They ordered and waited. Everyone was joyful except Fëanor, who stayed as tense as ever. He texted under the table and tapped his foot the way he did when nervous.

After everyone had gotten their food and was well in way with eating, the restaurant had just about cleaned out. It was almost nine and everyone was at home, resting. It was then that Fëanor stood and clinked his fork against his glass to get everyone's attention. Sure enough, all fourteen of them looked up and stared.

"I first want to thank all my son's girlfriends and boyfriends for putting up with them and their antics." He said, though with full seriousness. Curvo and Tyelko exchanged a glance of stifled laughter. "But I have a bigger reason for speaking right now. As you may or may not know, Nelyo and his cousin shot one of the leaders of the largest, most dangerous gang around." Fëanor glanced at Nelyo, who avoided everyone's gaze by picking at his mashed potatoes. "Anyhow, I've had to take care of the mess. But to ensure your safety, I need you to take an Oath."

"An Oath?" Nelyo said, thinking about when he got his doctorate and had to say his oaths. "What for?"

"To know you will not back out." Fëanor's eyes glowed with passion. The brothers passed looks between them. "You cannot leave us, not one of you. You will condemn us to exile."

"Exile?" Curvo looked appalled. "Father, what are you going on about?"

"Sign this paper." Fëanor pulled a document out of his pocket and slammed it on the table. Kallie shifted nervously next to Káno and rested her hand on his knee. Curvo stood first and took the pen to sign it. He didn't even hesitate. Fëanor looked around to the rest of his sons expectantly. The Ambarussa signed it next, eager not to be last. They then passed it to Tyelko, then Moryo. Káno and Nelyo looked at each other. They both looked a little confused and Nelyo in particular looked very scared. Káno took the pen and signed it, handing it over to Nelyo.

"Son," Fëanor said, his voice low. Nelyo stared at the pen and in a split decision leaned over and signed his name. "Good." Fëanor took the document, folded it, and stuck it back in his pocket. He sat and looked content. Everyone stared expectantly. "That's all."

The dinner went on normally from there. Nelyo silently communicated with Káno by staring, but Káno had no state to respond with. He was distracted by Kallie and the food. Nelyo decided he was alone again and looked down at his own plate, ignoring everyone and the conversation.

When everyone had finished and were ready to go, Fëanor paid and they all loaded back into their cars. Fortunately, Nelyo experienced a much smoother ride on the way back. He, again, ignored his parents as they attempted a conversation with him, and he quickly escaped from the car as soon as they got home. He just wanted to get into bed and sleep. Ensure this day would end soon. No one stopped him, but his brothers and their girlfriends gathered in the kitchen for dessert and for conversation. Nelyo didn't have the patience for that. He barely slipped out of his nice clothes before climbing into bed and shutting his eyes, blocking out the world.

 

  
He thought that for once he'd have a good nights sleep. Apparently he couldn't ask for even that much. He was halfway into a dreamless slumber when his door burst open and his father threw the covers off his bed.

"Get up, Nelyo, it's time to go!" Fëanor was screaming. Nelyo cringed and blinked awake, thoroughly confused. Káno stood in the doorway with a filled duffle bag. "Have you not heard us? Get up!"

"Get up for what?" He sat up and watched a couple of his brothers file past. "What's going on? It's-" He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. "-Four in the morning."

"I know, we're late!" His father ruffled through his closet and threw a large black duffel bag at him. "Pack everything you think you would need, and come downstairs! Quickly!"

Nelyo had no choice then but to pack, still groggy from sleep and not entirely awake. The whole house was in a commotion, though he couldn't tell why. Clearly something had happened. Nelyo wondered if it had anything to do with the Oath they'd taken the night before. Nevertheless, he picked everything he think he needed (given the panic and confusion), and headed downstairs, now dressed and his hair in a ponytail.

"What's going on?" He placed his bag by the front door with his brothers' and stopped his mother, who was walking past. She was fiddling nervously with her hands. "Ma?"

"You're leaving with your brothers and your father." She said. "Go on into the kitchen, help them out."

"What-?" He gasped, but Nerdanel pushed him forward and he went to the kitchen, where his family was rushing around, Tyelko tossing canned goods to Curvo and Curvo packing them into a backpack. Amras and Amrod were packing fruits and vegetables into plastic bags and tossing them to Moryo to be put into another backpack. Nelyo didn't think there was much else he could help with, and sure enough, the brothers had zipped and shut and closed everything up, and were walking to the door. They patted Nelyo on the back but said nothing. Fortunately, Káno grabbed his hand and took him along with them to the front door, grabbing his own duffle and tossing Nelyo's to him.

"Kallie!" Káno shouted, and his girlfriend rounded the corner. "Come on. We're already late."

Kallie looked like she was going to cry. "I'm not going, Káno.”

“What? What are you talking about, of course you are.” He paused, since Kallie didn’t move, and glanced back at Nelyo. “You can’t- you’re going to leave me?”

“You’re leaving me.” She hissed back, bitter and hurt and avoiding his face. “You’re doing this to yourself.”

“I don’t have a choice, Kallie, I-”

“-Don’t want to hear it.” She finally caught his eyes and the look she sent was unexplainable. “Just go.”

Káno went to step towards her, but everyone was yelling outside and Nelyo grabbed his shoulder. “No! Kallie, I-” But Nelyo was pulling him back, nervous about being left behind. Their mother took Kallie’s shoulder and led her away, out of sight. Káno screamed for her again, but it was no use. Nelyo tore him away to the cars that were already running in the driveway. Curvo and Fëanor were both in the front seats of each, driving, and Nelyo and Káno jumped into Fëanor’s. For some reason, those present didn’t seem quite right - Nelyo, Fëanor, Káno, and Amras and Amrod in the back, and in Curvo’s car - Curvo, his girlfriend, Tyelko and Tyelko’s oversized dog, and Moryo. Why wasn’t their mother coming? And why had only Curvo’s girlfriend joined them? And where were they going anyway?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part is in the works and will be up soon - promise.


	9. Driving, driving, and boats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have this really bad habit of not writing anything for like months and then writing a lot all in the span of a few days, but here you go. I did promise another chapter soon, anyway. 
> 
> Nelyo’s tired of all the driving (no shade to Ohio or Idaho), and Fëanor races his half-brother to a lake in Montana. 
> 
> I’m really sorry for the end.

They'd been driving for fucking _ever_.

Fëanor refused to stop, utterly refused, and refused to tell them where the hell they were going, either. Káno was content to sit back and let the car take them where it took them (still overly upset over Kallie - what the hell had happened?), but Nelyo didn't like the thought of simply following the leader. He never had.

He noted every sign they passed as to clue in where they were at any given time, but eventually gave up on that because it was both too tedious and he'd found a better alternative. The tracker app. Hell yeah.

He assumed that's what Curvo was using to know where the car in front was, and he had to admit it was useful. They drove straight into the morning, day, and well into the afternoon. Only twice did they stop for gas. They'd gone through California into Nevada (passing by Las Vegas, too. Nelyo could almost hear Tyelko screaming at Curvo to stop the car so he could go and explore), briefly through Arizona and up into Utah. What the fuck was in Utah? Very good question. Nothing. Nothing is in Utah. Nelyo wondered if there was a contest on most boring place in the world, because if there was then Utah would win. He could at least appreciate the cool rocks. It looked a little like Mars, if Mars was taken over by aliens and then immediately left because there was nothing there.

They slept over in a motel that night. It was dusty (everything in Utah was dusty), too cramped (they'd taken up three rooms, but it still wasn't enough), and too nasty (it's a motel, come on). Nelyo shared a bed with Káno, who'd become a sniveling, pathetic mess. His dreams had been nothing less than complete torture. He'd been in that ravine again, coughing blood and trying to hear Findekáno's voice and feeling the life draining out of him. He woke three times in the night, and upon the third just decided to stay awake. They left early enough, anyway. Fëanor woke them all at around six and they loaded back into the cars.

From Salt Lake City, which Nelyo wished he could explore more, they entered Idaho for a hundred miles or so. Idaho was even more boring than Ohio, something Nelyo found appalling. And it didn't even have a Salt Lake City to make up for it. Oh well. After Idaho they spent another eight and a half hours driving to Great Falls in Montana. As they swept right past Yellowstone he could really hear Tyelko in the car behind them screaming to stop, because it was so beautiful he could barely stand it. Nelyo laughed at him and watched his dreams drip away from his and Huan's faces as Fëanor didn't acknowledge them and their need to see Old Faithful.

Great Falls would be pretty cool, except that it was in the negatives and the place crawled with pronghorns. The whole family wasn't used to cold temperatures, especially the twins, who complained so much that Fëanor eventually turned and screamed for them to shut up. If only his temper created actual heat, then they would all be warm.

The journey was exhausting. The third day they set off, barely an hour in when Nelyo couldn't take it any longer. This was getting ducking ridiculous, and the brothers weren't told anything.

"Father," Nelyo sat up in his seat and stretched his aching back. "When are you going to tell us where the hell we're going? And what's going on? We've driven nearly halfway across the country, and none of us know anything. Can you please-"

"We has to escape because of you, Nelyo." Fëanor didn't glance back and spoke with bitterness. Nelyo recoiled. "You shot a leader of one of the biggest gangs in our area. Further than our area, even - I'm just trying to get us to safety. Besides, it was time. There were people against us back there." He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "This is for the best."

"Do you mean-" Nelyo paled and held his duffle bag closer to his chest. "We aren't going back? Are we just- moving?"

"We're establishing somewhere new." Fëanor lowered his voice and paused. "And we're here."

The car turned hard and came to a screeching stop, almost making Curvo crash into them. They had come upon a lake in the middle of a river, wide enough that Nelyo could barely see the other side. The day was beautiful, clouds sprawled across the darkening royal blue sky, but it was so cold the air froze anything it touched. There were three large rowboats pulled up halfway onto the beach, paddles in them and groups of people standing around to bring them across. Nelyo climbed out of the car after Káno and noticed another, familiar van to their right.

"Ñolofinwë!" Fëanor shouted, swinging his bag over his shoulder and looked murderous. Their uncle (half-uncle, Nelyo reminded himself) and cousins (half-cousins) had just pulled up too, but they didn't look like they'd been there much longer than them. Among them was Findekáno, Turukáno, Irissë, Arakáno, Ingoldo, and some other men Nelyo did not recognize. Fëanor didn't seem to pay mind to any of them. "You aren't permitted to be here!"

"I am permitted to be here as much as you, brother!" Ñolofinwë had always been much taller, darker, and more muscular than Fëanor, but he struggled to be fiercer. It was not in his nature. Nevertheless he puffed himself up and stood tall as Fëanor approached him. "Our father knew this place as a safety, we both came here as children! You will not tell me to leave!"

Fëanor seemed to have snapped a while ago, and so he whipped out a silver, hand-forged knife and pointed it at Ñolofinwë. Nelyo stepped forward to stop him, but Curvo grabbed his arm. "I will kill you without guilt, without inhibitions, and without consequence, you filthy bastard!"

At that point Nelyo broke free of Curvo and ran for his father, as Findekáno had done the same with his. "Father, come!" He tugged on his shoulder and finally Fëanor sheathed the knife and backed down, not without a psychotic glare to his half-brother. The boatmen were calling them forward. Moryo and Tyelko had already started to load their things into the boats. The rest of the brothers and the father went to them too, settling in and waiting for the boatsmen to set off. Night was falling quickly, and Fëanor wanted to get across before dark. Unfortunately, the journey across the lake was long.

Nelyo hated the way the water looked under the curtain of darkness. It seemed never ending, limitless and deathly under the lake's surface. Káno began to weep again beside him, and all he could manage to do was place his good hand on his leg. On his other side, Amrod murmured, "I hate this. I hate water." And Nelyo remembered Amrod's deathly fear of water.

As soon as they'd docked on the other side, Nelyo took control and ordered everyone around to set up camp. Fëanor was busy pacing. More boats pulled in behind them, boats Nelyo hadn't seen before, and there was a whole armada of them. They were filled with men Nelyo had seen a few times, people he associated with his father's work. They were supposed to be blacksmiths or office workers, but they were armed to the brim and dressed fully in bulletproof vests and armored boots and pants. Nelyo wondered if he'd dressed correctly. This seemed like some sort of militia.

"Nelyo," Fëanor called, so Nelyo left Káno to set up bedrolls and the pots and fires to cook dinner (or what was left of their stock). "Nelyo, you are eldest," His father started. "If something were to happen to me, you're in charge. You would be the leader. The King. Do you understand?"

"Uh-" Nelyo narrowed his eyebrows. "Not really."

"Here." Fëanor pressed a bulletproof vest and armored plates to go over his pants and boots. "Dress properly. These are the wilds, son."

Nelyo did as told, but he felt ridiculous. He still felt as though something were to happen, something important and deadly, but he couldn't tell what. The boatsmen looked anxious too, but that's about all he could tell.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Amrod standing on a boat, unloading parcels and bags. His leg was wrapped in a loose rope.

"Amr-" Nelyo turned on his heel to help out his brother, but there was so much happening that he got cut right off. Fëanor held a thick branch lit as a torch, thrust it up, and shouted to gain attention.

"My sons, my men!" He called. Everyone slowly stopped what they were doing and turned to him. Nelyo saw that all his brothers had donned the strange armor, too, and had knives and pistols by their side. "This time is more important than any you may have faced before! The dire need we have to keep our lands safe is threatened by mistrustful enemies! Though some are assumed, others are treacherous, and all seek to unbalance and tear apart our bonds! But we will not be broken! We are strong, we are skillful, and we are ready to face anyone that stands in our way!"

Everyone cheered and roared with hatred. Nelyo raised his fist since everyone else did, and screamed with them, but the speech did not seem to effect him as much as the others. His brothers all looked furious. The men looked lethal. Was there something he was missing?

There was. The boatsmen were getting back into their boats to retrieve Ñolofinwë and his men, but Fëanor then directed his militia's attention to them.

"And here we have our first opposition, right out in the open!" Fëanor had a much larger gun in his hands, and the red of his torch reflected his eyes as fiery. "Shall we let them pass and ruin us? Or will we stop them and rise above the enemy?"

There was a great, "RAHH!" And Fëanor pointed his torch onward to the boats. "Light the bombs!" He yelled, and the panic begun.

There had been explosives in the boats, balls of gasoline filled the bottom of the wood, and now as the boatsmen boarded them they tried to jump out from the bursting flames. Some men with bows and arrows (really?) fired flaming arrows into the boats and set them aflame, while the boatsmen trying to escape on land were gunned down. Blood and fire formed a concoction of Hellish red, painting everything in agony. Torment filled the night air. The heat of a hundred fires warmed the winter. Nelyo slipped out his pistol and, in utter panic, tripped away from the scene.

On the ground, he could see everything from a much larger, more demanding perspective. Men and women with nothing more than hunting knives slaughtered like livestock in front of him, the sand wet with their blood, the trodden bodies beneath the fighting. His eyes couldn't behold what was happening in front of him, so he shut them and curled up and tried to pretend that this wasn't happening. This wasn't happening.

" _PAAA!!_ "

A screech sliced above the death.

" _MAITIMOOO! TELVOOO!_ "

Nelyo knew that voice.

" _PLEASE! THE FIRE! I CAN'T STAND THE FIRRRE!_ "

It was Amrod. It was Amrod, his leg still wrapped in the rope, still tied down to the burning boat, still terrified of water. He couldn't jump in, he couldn't swim.

" _SOMEONE! PLEASE! IT HURTS SO BADLY! I CAN FEEL IT INSIDE ME!_ "

He probably could. Nelyo opened his eyes and stood, now so desperate to find Amrod and help that the killing no longer terrified him. Amrod was burning. He was going to die. His little brother, his brother. His brother that'd he’d tutored in anatomy after he’d failed his college class, his brother who he’d stay with when he had bad dreams even when Nelyo was exhausted himself, his brother who he’d baked a hundred sugar cookies for the night before his birthday. And there he was, thrashing and burning and screaming, reaching for the cold stars above him.

“ _PITYO!_ ” Nelyo broke his voice and ran through the crowd, blood streaking across his face and body, stumbling through to reach his brother, to get him out of there, to save him before he burned-

Amras has noticed the screams too, and was by Nelyo’s side as they dashed into the water.

“ _I CAN FEEL IT IN ME! THE FIRE IS MELTING ME! HELP! PLEASSE!_ ”

Nelyo gagged on smoke and the stench of burning flesh and tried swimming through the black water, the endless pit of despair underneath him. But the boat kept drifting further and further out, and he couldn’t swim fast enough. Everything was slipping away, reality pulling away like sand through his fingers.

He grabbed a singed rope from another boat nearby and fashioned it into a lasso, and best as he could threw and hooked it around the front knob of Amrod’s boat. He pulled it closer, closer and closer until the burning flesh stung his nOsceola and the smoke blinded him. He didn’t care. He had to get him, he had to-

The screams had ended.

There was nothing left.

Nelyo kept pulling the boat, pulling and pulling it into shore, because there had to be something left of him, there had to be some bit of his little brother left in there. The boatsmen now all dead behind him, a crowd drew in, and Nelyo’s and Amras’ loud sobs and cries filled the air.

The burnt boat washed up on the edge of the shore, sputtering flames dying out and taking all life with them. A small body laid in the center of the ash, so broken and twisted that it looked nothing more than an old mummy. But it was him. It was Pityo. Nelyo’s trembling hand dropped the rope and he fell back, screaming out and grasping the sand beside him, a useless tether to reality. Amras’ screams were breaking and stuttering behind him.

“ _Did you even_ -?” He was going after Fëanor, face curled into horror. “Did you even _check_ that- everyone was out- _out of the boats?_ That we were on _ground_?”

Fëanor spoke high above all the cries. “That ship I burned first.”

That, if not seeing his twin burned alive, broke Amras. “Then you named your youngest child right. Umbarto ‘the Fated’.” He crackled, hot tears running through trails of blood. “Fell and fey you have become.”

Nelyo didn’t know where Amras went off to then, but he knew that not again would any of them speak of this. The night was overtaking them, and yet none had the will to crawl to their bedrolls. The remaining five brothers sat together on the shore, Tyelko holding Nelyo’s hand so tightly he thought it might break. Curvo pushed the burnt boat away from them, and off he went, floating down the river.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was sorry.


	10. Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit o’ background, I guess. And Angbang. All that’s needed. 
> 
> Super short chapter BUT in my defense I’m uploading another at the same time that’s much longer and angstier. Enjoy.

Little known fact: Melkor has nightmares every night.

He blames it on his brother (like everything else in his life), that it's his twin's subconscious coming back to haunt him after a lifetime of teasing. Unfortunately, it's rarely of his brother. Most times, he's in some prison cell, in constant pain but unsure of what it's from. His wrists are chained and his hands are grotesquely burnt, skin twisted into blackened swirls. His leg hurts like a motherfucker, too, and he can't walk without a limp. So he mostly sits agains the wall, staying as still as possible to avoid pain. It's a strange dream, but he's gotten used to it.

Usually when he wakes from a particularly bad one, Sauron will be right there to coo to him and promise everything is fine. But recently, witch Sauron bedridden, he's had to calm himself down, something that's interminably harder than having help. It's fine though. His pain is nothing compared to Sauron's.

He screams so much. So much. Gothmog And Thuringwethil have been staying out of the apartment more and more, not wanting to even think about their boss in pain, but Melkor has to force himself to stay and deal with the heart attacks he nearly has every time Sauron wails. At least the injuries have gotten better. It's been a week since he was shot, and Melkor has a plan to once and for all take down his business rival.

Fëanor isn't really his rival as much as he is his arch-nemesis. Melkor has tried to run him out of the city, his territory, early on, by buying out most of the real estate in the area. But Fëanor had always surprised him. He came in like a Hellish storm, building new sections of the city and surrounding towns and owning it all like the capitalist, Wall-Street bastard he was. He was more of a threat than any other gang, and it genuinely surprised Melkor every time he made a move. They thought almost exactly the same; it was like fighting your identical twin, if your twin was shorter, angrier, and louder.

The weapons were something to worry about, too. Melkor knew what went on in every building in his city, and in Fëanor's factories and facilities they made great weapons he'd never seen before. He didn't even know how to describe them sometimes. But he'd drawn out most of his spies in the past week; he needed every man he could to march north.

Melkor knew Fëanor had left town with his sons. Of course he knew. His plan had originally been to attack those they left behind - Fëanor's wife, his sons' partners, those twins the Minstrel had adopted - but he figured he could fold to Fëanor's hand. They had nothing to do with their war. And he could get them later, anyhow. To really get them, to really destroy Fëanor and his legacy, he needed to focus all his power on him and his sons. They were the real threat, anyway. He knew to hit once, and hit hard.

Sauron needed to be transported too, and that was the only component Melkor was worried about. His right hand man needed to rest more, he needed to heal, but they simply had no time to wait any more. They should have left days ago. Something within him was angry Sauron had gotten himself shot, angry that Sauron couldn't do better. But he needed to patient. Thing is, Melkor isn't patient.

"Thur!" He burst into the apartment, knowing Thurinwethil would be there. "Thur, we leave in thirty minutes!"

Her thin face popped out from behind a wall. "Thirty minutes? Is that enough time?"

"It has to be. Now get a move on." He glared as she started flitting around and gathering her things. "Where is Sauron?"

"Where do you think?" Thur scoffed and flung a suitcase to the door. "The couch. Watching tv."

Melkor stomped into the living room area of the apartment, already frustrated. Nothing had even happened yet, but he was anticipating the difficulties of getting Sauron to move. "Lieutenant." He called, moving around the couch to face Sauron. The bastard was propped up on a hundred pillows and that exhausted look still remained on his face. "Mairon." He called again, and finally Sauron looked up.

"Oh. Boss." He didn't try to move to face him, and instead turned to look back at the tv.

"We're leaving."

"Okay." Sauron was too used to everyone moving in and out of the apartment while he stayed. "See you later."

"God damnit, Mairon." Melkor tore the blanket away from his body and turned off the tv. "The mission. The fucking mission, you dunce. Now get up."

"The mission?" Sauron sat up quickly and winced. "We're leaving now?"

"Didn't you just hear me? Yes!" Melkor grasped his hands and pulled him to his feet. "Get dressed and change your bandages. Meet me by the door when you're done." He ignored the groan Sauron made when he straightened up and walked back towards the front door. “Quickly, Mairon.”

He let the Lieutenant be, but secretly kept an eye on him as he walked about and packed everything they’d need. It wasn’t much. They had already moved much of their things up to their new (probably) temporary base. Melkor was now only worried about the actual trip. But all would be well. Sauron was healing, even if he insisted on acting like he wasn’t.

Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait long. Gothmog pulled up with the car, and they’d just loaded everything in when Sauron finally emerged from his room with a backpack and dressed in clean clothes. Black jeans and a large red sweatshirt. Was that Adidas?

“Come on.” Melkor rolled his eyes. “You’re already making us late.”

A cheeky smile spread across Sauron’s face. He was plotting something. “I’m exactly on time. And I’m injured, anyway, can you really expect me to be running around?”

Melkor had to stop himself from rolling his eyes again. “You’re fine. At least you’re up and walking around and not on that damn couch. Now I said come on, you idiot.”

Sauron, still smirking, stepped towards him and tripped. There was no way it wasn’t deliberate. He landed on Melkor’s chest, cried out a little “oof!”, looked up at him expectantly. Melkor paused. “I know you want to.” His eyes flicked down to Melkor’s lips. “You’ve done it before. The first night I was sick. Christmas Eve.”

Melkor flushed bright red and stepped away. He’d seen that? How? “Stop. We have to go.”

As he turned to leave, Sauron grabbed his hand and whirled him around, clearly having regained some of his strength back, and pulled him into a kiss. The first half second Melkor was freaking out, but after that he fell into it and slid a large hand through Sauron’s hair. Sauron moaned against him and stepped back abruptly.

“My Lord, boss!” He licked his lips. “That’s not appropriate behavior. You’re going to make us late!”

Sauron sent one last devious smile and brushed past, his fingers quickly caressing his cheek. Melkor stood stunned for a moment and went after him. How in the hell had he gotten stuck with this idiot?


	11. A Cruel Trade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m actually like really sorry how dark this story keeps getting, but I promise there’s some good stuff coming soon. Promise. 
> 
> The one in which the Fëanorians are cursed, Nelyo is a real Mom, and Curvo is undeniably strong but has really, really awful luck.

The next morning was rough, to say the least.

None spoke of the slaughter the night before. The five brothers (Telvo had walked off somewhere) woke on the beach of the lake. Nelyo's first thought, as he peered across the wide stretch of water, was if Findekáno would be alright. They'd find a way to cross somehow. Their cars were gone, anyhow. And his own camp had begun to stir, which meant he should get up and help.

Fëanor's eyes had darkened dangerously since last night, and now walked like a ghost amongst his men. Breakfast, a couple cans of baked beans, had been prepared and set in ceramic bowls, but he didn't touch any food. Instead, the brothers ate and the armored men ate granola bars. They were intimidating enough at the moment that the brothers didn't go near them, even if they were all covered in blood too.

Nelyo found Telvo a little ways into the wilds, hand clasped over a bow and arrows over his shoulder. He'd forgotten that the twins were hunters like Tyelko. Telvo didn't seem to have caught anything, but maybe he was just scouting out the area. Fëanor did have an affinity for going complete off the map on camping trips, so it'd be no surprise that he meant to act as if they lived a couple hundreds years ago. Nelyo had never been completely into the... savagery of camping, preferring fine things and comfort, but he could understand the attraction to sleeping in the woods and using a bow and arrow to catch food. It was just a little too 'live action role play' -ish for his taste.

Nelyo'd woken with a terrible cramping in his right hand, and it didn't go away. He noticed Káno looking numb, walking around like a zombie, and Moryo yelling even more than usual. Curvo was talking in a hushed voice with his girlfriend, who was looking very uncomfortable and a bit sickly, and shifting every few seconds. Tyelko stomped around with his eyebrows constantly arched down, a pissed off look stuck to his pale face. Nelyo steered clear of Tyelko and instead went to Curvo to make sure everything was fine - He didn't like the worry on his face. Curvo didn't worry.

"Hey," He caught Curvo's arm and faced him and his girlfriend, who he couldn't remember the name of. "Is everything good? You look kind of... concerned."

"Yeah. Uh," He glanced at the girlfriend as she hit his arm. "I want to get into town as soon as we can, find a- find a doctor or something. Aithien isn't feeling too well, and I just- I don't want some to happen to the child."

Nelyo narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "Have you blocked out the eight years of my life I spent at medical school, Curvo? What seems to be the matter?"

"I don't- I don't know." Aithien answered. "But the baby hasn't kicked for days and usually it's so active. I think somethings wrong."

"How far along are you?"

She considered this. "About seven months, I think-"

But apparently Curvo knew better. "It's been seven months and eight days this morning. Approximately. If I have the right day."

Nelyo huffed, not quite a laugh, and thought. "Do you mind if I-?" Nelyo gestured to her belly and she nodded, so he kneeled and pressed his ear to her. There was something wrong. He could tell. So he stood up straight again and thought.

"What is it?" Curvo asked, a grimace on his face. He could tell that something wasn't right. "What? Nelyo, you have to tell us if it's dangerous. You can't sugarcoat it."

"You know I'm not that type of person." Nelyo leaned on one foot and thought more. "I don't think it's dangerous. At least, not for the baby. But it's hard to tell. I don't have the right equipment. We'll need to find a hospital regardless."

Curvo didn't look even remotely comforted by that, and turned to pace, pressing his hand over his face. "I can't believe this. We need to- we're in the middle of nowhere, we have no way to-"

"Listen. Curvo, stop." Nelyo reaches out to grab Curvo's collar and stop him. "It's going to be fine. This is not an emergency, alright? The baby will be fine."

"You said you didn't have the right equipment." He argued. "Anything could be wrong, the baby could already be dead, Aithien could be in danger. And we're no where near anything, and if she were to go into labor we have no way of ensuring her safety-"

"I can." Nelyo held his shoulder tightly and looked him in the eye. "I can ensure her safety. And we can find a hospital, and if not I can deliver the baby myself. I promise you it will be fine, Curvo, now please do not go off on tangents and scare Aithien more. I'm sure she's had enough of your worrying for three lifetimes."

Curvo managed a twitch of a smile and shut up. Rare, Nelyo noticed, and mentally patted himself on the back at somehow leaving this brother speechless. The rest of the group was beginning to move on, anyway, and Nelyo found he had to at least stay with them all. He kept an eye on Aithien all the while, still worried about her but not wanting Curvo to be any more concerned.

That days travel was worse than all the ones before, since their car was across a lake and they had to go on foot. Only a bit into their day, a couple hours maybe, Fëanor called Nelyo up next to him. He didn't say why, but Nelyo didn't need him to. He was the eldest. The heir. Fëanor had always been a bit obsessed with his legacy, something Nelyo just didn't fully understand, and there was always that pressure to follow his father's every move. If everything was done just right, then everything would fall into place. Unfortunately, the world didn't work like that. If only everything worked. Nelyo looked down at his right hand and scoffed. If only.

"Nelyo." Káno came up next to him, and Fëanor sent a sideways glance, like he was annoyed.

"What is it?" Nelyo ignored their father and looked to him.

"Amras won't keep going." He said, panting and pointing over his shoulder. "He stopped walking. He said he won't go any further."

"We're almost across the border," Fëanor stuck in, then shivered when Nelyo and Káno both looked at him blankly. "Tell him he has to keep going. We will take a break soon."

The brothers ignored him. "I'll talk to him." Nelyo brushed past Káno and headed to the back of the group, where Amras stood frozen, Tyelko trying to talk to him but coming up empty. "Hey," Nelyo greeted, unsure of what else to say. He took one look at Amras and knew he wouldn't get through to him by talking. So he stepped closer and sighed.

"Do you remember," He started, "When you were little, I used to carry you around on my back and you'd pretend I was a horse? And it was really just a ploy to escape from whatever chores mom told you to do so you could play instead, but neither of us really cared." Tears began to stream down Amras' face. "And then Káno would lift- would lift Amrod on his- on his back, and we'd have to battle each other?" Amras sputtered on a sob and Nelyo hurried for something else. "But it was always just me and Káno fighting in the end."

Without another word, Nelyo turned and crouched down in front of Amras. There was a pause, Amras swallowing his tears, and carefully he hopped up onto Nelyo's back. Nelyo hiked him up his back and grunted as he set off forwards.

"No one's getting left behind, y'hear?" Nelyo smiled grimly and faced forward. "No one."

 

They crossed the border into Canada just past midday, and headed in the direction of Calgary. Nelyo was glad since he knew there'd be a hospital there, for Aithien, but just hoped they'd have enough time to stop for her. He'd call ahead, too, and make an appointment, if not for the fact they were literally walking through the wilderness and there was no WiFi. Aithien looked like she was in pain. It worries Nelyo.

He carried Amras all the way across the Canadian border, and didn't set him down until they settled down to rest for an hour. When Fëanor had finally announced it, everyone practically dropped to the ground. Nelyo was just glad to get off his feet.

When he'd eaten some beans and felt a bit more alive, he approached Káno and sat beside him one of the many blankets. "Hey," He greeted, and Káno looked beside him with a slight smile. It was lost pretty quickly. "Why didn't you bring those kids with you?"

Káno rubbed his face in his hands and sighed. "They're too little, too impulsive. They're children. I couldn't- I couldn't do that to them." He stared at his can of beans sadly. "I miss them. But I couldn't involve them."

"Makes sense." Nelyo sighed with him and laid back against the blanket. "Are they with Kallie?"

"Yes." He nodded, and hastily looked for a way out of the conversation. Unfortunately, they were all in a dark mindset and the questions only turned darker. "You didn't participate in the- the burning of the ships."

The _why?_ was implied. Nelyo had to think for a moment, because he'd already completely blocked that memory out of his mind. "I didn't want to abandon Fin."

He didn't know why he said it, admitted to that being his real fear, but Káno just nodded. He understood. They'd always been close. "We're all losing our other halves out here, aren't we?" He commented, sounding a little more poetic than Nelyo could handle at the moment. "I haven't even the heart to write about it."

Of course it was about music. It was always about music with Káno. But Nelyo said nothing, used to his brother and the way he thought. And Káno said nothing either, knowing his silence was merely him thinking. They knew each other maybe a little too well.

When they finally packed up and set off again, it was well into the afternoon. Only an hour had passed, but it was winter and the sun set early. Canadian weather wasn't too kind, either, and the brothers hadn't packed accordingly. They lived in Southern California, why should they have packed jackets and gloves? On top of it all, Fëanor didn't stop until far into the night. Everyone were becoming zombies. At about ten at night Fëanor finally slowed and started shouting everyone around, demanding tents and settling into bed.

"We have another early morning tomorrow!" He said. "Sleep well and sleep fast!"

Sleep fast? Well, they certainly did that. They didn't sleep particularly well, though. All the brothers had nightmares of the burning of the ships, the screams and the blood they still hadn't completely washed off. Nelyo woke as soon as he saw that burnt and blackened ship turn the corner down the river...

Fëanor was screaming outside. He was always screaming, always running around. And what for? What about? Nelyo stood and took off his extra pair of pants, knowing he'd sweat at least a little during the day. The journey was exhausting.

That day, and the next four, went exactly the same. Long walks, short rests, and restless sleeps. It's was repetitive, and not the good kind. Nelyo felt the same he had when he worked at the hospital, droning on day after day after day, solving mysteries and helping people but without feeling the purpose of his own life. Everything he did was a chore, every choice he made was overthought, and every accomplishment empty. He prayed for something to happen, anything, just so he could at least feel alive.

He got his wish on the sixth night. Fëanor had been saying they had only over a day's journey left to get to Calgary, but Curvo had been worried about Aithien. She wasn't breathing right, she walked slowly, and she looked fatigued. She complained incessantly about her back hurting, and Nelyo believed her. He didn't understand why they hadn't somehow gotten to keep driving the cars. She clearly needed it. Walking all day every day certainly wasn't helping whatever was going on with her.

Nelyo tried settling into his sleeping bag beside Káno in the tent, his extra pair of pants on and his hair pulled into a loose bun. The bugs and birds outside chirped and buzzed vehemently, probably angry at the Canadian winter, but Nelyo ignored them as he closed his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, he would sleep peacefully that night.

A scream woke him not minutes into his slumber. It had been dreamless, too. But the scream reminded him too much of Amrod's, pained and suffering.

"What's going on?" He sat up, seeing Káno with a flashlight in hand and squinting the sleep out of his eyes. It had to be past midnight. Just seconds later, before Káno could attempt to answer Nelyo, Curvo burst through their tent with a look Nelyo had never seen on him.

"Come quick!" He breathed, his eyes wild. "Aithien's gone into labor!"

Nelyo didn't have time to think about how and why and oh god, because Curvo was grabbing him and he barely got his shoes on in time before stepping out into the snow and trodding over to the neighboring tent. Everyone was awake and peeking out of their tents, curious. Nelyo paid them no mind.

There was blood everywhere. On the sleeping bags, the floor of the tent, the walls, and trailing out into the snow. Nelyo attributed that to Curvo tracking it outside when he left. He paid that no mind, either. Aithien had her face scrunched up in pain, breathing in and out heavily and erratically. Sweat practically dripped off her forehead. Nelyo had no time to think about how he'd never actually delivered a baby, only seen it occasionally in the hospital, and the knowledge he needed to use he'd learnt years ago in college.

"Shit. Okay." Nelyo knelt by her side. "Keep the tent closed. We have to keep it warm in here." And Curvo did as he was told, looking eager for more directions. "Uh- we need to prop her up. Yeah, sure, that'll work." He parted her legs and pulled her thick pants off. There was even more blood. That's okay. Nelyo was fine with blood. "Let her crush your hand, okay?" He glanced back at Curvo, his face sheet white, and he nodded and sat at Aithien's side. She held onto him like a lifeline. "Actually, go- go tell someone to heat up some water. And get my bag- the red one. Yeah. Quick." And Curvo ran out of the tent. Great, now Nelyo could gather himself a bit and try not to let this woman die.

"Aithien?" He called, and she nodded with her eyes still squeezed shut. "I'm gonna need you to push. Okay? Breathe, 1- 2- 3-" He grabbed her hand so she could scream and nearly break his hand. It's okay. It was the useless one. He didn't feel a thing. "Yes, good- keep going, 1- 2- 3-" He heard Curvo screaming outside and bided time until he returned. He crouched down and hoped to every god there was that he was doing this right.

Outside, Tyelko was boiling water at their camping stove and Káno was pacing, scared but too scared to go and check on them. It was unbearable hearing the screams and Nelyo's shouting and not being able to do anything.

"Do you think they'll be alright?" He asked Tyelko, who stood still. He never stood still. He must be worried too.

"I don't know." He admitted, swallowed, and looked up to meet Káno's eyes. "I don't know."

It took hours for any news to come out of that tent. Curvo emerged at the break of dawn, looking for the boiling water and covered head to toe in blood. He was still pale as the snow around him, and his eyes looked dead. Káno jumped out of the snow-chair he'd made.

"What's happened? Is everything alright?" He asked, and immediately he knew it wasn't.

Curvo shook his head and swallowed. He walked stiffly. "She's- Nelyo's doing a c-section. Something- something medical I don't get." He took the bowl of hot water from Tyelko and avoided all their eyes. He was shaking. "Nelyo said he doesn't know if they're going to be alright. There's- there's so much blood." He turned at that and just about ran back to the tent, not wanting to tell them anything more. The screams grew louder, until they began to give out in the early morning. That was the most terrifying. When everything got quiet, when the only thing you could hear was Nelyo's swearing and moving, until it sputtered back to life. Káno wanted so badly to know what had happened. But it was understandable. Who was really going to run information to them? Curvo and Nelyo were both working, and no one wanted to stand in there with them.

It got too quiet at about five. Káno had built six more snow chairs and an army of mini snowmen, because he needed to keep his hands busy since he was so anxious. Everything had gone silent. It lasted for a minute or two, and then Curvo came out of the tent like he'd been kicked out, Nelyo screaming inside, and he dropped to his knees in the snow, trembling with sobs. Káno and Tyelko, and Telvo and Moryo, who'd only then joined them, gathered him up and just held him and said nothing. A minute later, through sobs, there was the cry of a baby. Curvo cried out and turned back towards the tent. Nelyo came out of the tent, his jaw clenched tight and a tiny bundle in his arms. He was soaked in blood so thick it was hard to see any of his clothing or skin underneath.

Nelyo said nothing as he passed the bundle to Curvo, who held it close and sobbed around it. After about a minute he spoke.

"A boy." Nelyo whispered. "It's a boy."

Fëanor had left his tent and stood somewhere behind them, watching silently.

"Tyelko." Nelyo's voice was hoarse. "Warm some water." And Tyelko ran off, so he turned to Káno. "Do we have any milk?" His eyes drooped.

Curvo held the bundle tighter as it yelled it's baby cry, and Káno took it that Aithien hadn't made it. "I- I think so." But he didn't need to wait for Nelyo to ask him to get it, and ran off to search. Tyelko fortunately returned with a bowl of warm water and Nelyo took it and the baby back. Curvo couldn't follow him back into the tent, not able to see Aithien, and instead held Tyelko's hand tightly. Káno waited with them when he'd found a carton of milk, and then Nelyo was back, the baby cleaner and quieted and warm and peaceful. It was so strange to see amongst all the blood and carnage.

Fëanor had approached them, finally, stopping at Curvo's right. "What will you name him?"

It seemed like a trivial, stupid thing at that moment, but Curvo leaned away from the bundle to look at the baby. "Telperinquar."

There was a short moment of silence, the baby gurgling and Curvo weeping, but everyone still looked too scared to move. Eventually Nelyo, the blood he was soaked in beginning to freeze, took the milk from Káno and disappeared into the tent, returning with a baby bottle and handing it to Curvo.

"We can get more milk in Calgary." He said, rubbing his hands together. "For now we have to move. Tyelko, Telvo, Moryo, clean up your tents and get dressed. Káno, put breakfast on the stove. And Curvo- Let me have the child, you need to clean off and get dressed. Here," Everyone went off to do as told and Nelyo handed Curvo a pile of clothes and a cloth. "Get dressed in my tent."

Nelyo stood there and quietly rocked the baby while everyone went about their business. Everything felt wrong. The frigid air on his face, the dead woman's blood on his body, the crunchy snow under his feet. But there were other things to focus on. He couldn't dwell on these grievances.

As soon as Curvo got back, dressed and cleaned but just as solemn, he handed him his son and switched places, walking back into his own tent and getting out of the bloodied clothes. The blood that'd dried already was harder to scrub off with just a towel, and he wouldn't dare wetting any part of his body in this cold, but he did what he could and dressed as quickly as he could and packed up his things. They had to leave quickly. There was just one more thing he had to deal with.

"Curvo," Nelyo stopped his brother as he passed, glancing once at the baby in his arms and frowning. "We have to bury her."

Curvo froze and focused on the snow. "I'm not ready." His voice was a murmur in the wind.

"I know." Nelyo sighed and took a deep breath. "Tyelko and I will dig. You can- you can arrange her as you'd like." He went to place a hand on his shoulder, but Curvo flinched away. "Curvo, you have to know that we're here for you. We know you're in pain-"

"She's _dead!_ " He burst, finally. Nelyo had been waiting for this, on edge, all night. "She's dead and I'll never see her again! I _loved_ her, I wanted to marry her!" He choked and held little Telperinquar against his chest. "And I can't even be sad. Because I have him. What kind of cruel trade is this?"

Nelyo nodded in agreement. "You are always allowed to be sad. We are here for you. Always. I am always here."

Curvo allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, Telperinquar between them snugly, and sobbed against Nelyo's chest. It didn't last long. Curvo'd nearly cried all the tears he had. After a few minutes, he leaned away and swallowed. His eyes were bloodshot, but he looked a little less crumbled than before.

"I'll-" He opened his mouth, shut it, and opened it again. "I'll arrange her. Y-you'll- you'll dig the- the-" He couldn't finish. Nelyo nodded wordlessly and Curvo met Nelyo's eyes for just a second. Then he disappeared back into his tent, a dreaded Hell that he clearly didn't want to enter. Nelyo took one deep breath and spun on his heel, barking at Tyelko to help him dig.

They used metal bowls to dig a ditch in the frozen earth. It was difficult. The ground would not be pried from it's hibernation under the snow. Fëanor and his men, and Káno and Telvo and Moryo, ended up lending a hand. Soon everyone was digging, and it became an ordeal to simply make a hole deep enough. But they did it. Nelyo was the one who had to bring out the body, having been the one most used to dead bodies (and no one else would volunteer). Aithien was dressed in clean clothes, though not something elegant as she might've if she were at a normal funeral and not one in the middle of no where. Curvo rocked Telperinquar and stayed disturbingly quiet, even as Nelyo placed her into the dug grave. Hot tears ran down Curvo's face, but he didn't wipe them away and instead just let them drop into the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	12. ugh. Nelyo’s such a mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the chapter title says. Nelyo is forever a concerned mom, Moryo gets real, Telperinquar is everyone’s favorite nephew, and Fëanor is still a suspicious bitch. Also Nelyo gives good advice, what else is new? Enjoy. 
> 
> Not as depressing/violent this time. Next chapter will be, though.

By the time they arrived in Calgary, they were all more exhausted than they'd ever felt in their lives.

"We're almost to our final destination," Fëanor said, also exhausted. He'd taken his sons out to dinner after checking in at the hotel (and showering, as Nelyo insisted), and now they sat at a long table eating Italian food.

"And what is our final destination, father?" Nelyo said, indifferent and through a mouthful of chicken.

"A fortress a couple miles north of here." He replied. Káno snorted at that, but Tyelko was too tired to make fun of him. Instead, he went for their father, an easier target.

"I didn't realize the year was 1550." He scoffed. Curvo stood abruptly next to him, the baby beginning to cry again and looking as if he was going to have a panic attack. "What is going on with that thing?" Tyelko groaned. Curvo shot him a glare.

"He's just tired." He rocked the baby side to side, but Telperinquar kept screaming. "And cold." Curvo cooed to the baby and pleaded for him to be quiet, but he just wouldn't. So he sent a look to Nelyo, apologizing, and left the room to go somewhere quieter and calm the child.

For some reason, everyone had started to look to Nelyo as the leader and not Fëanor, which Nelyo found very strange. He didn't mind it, but he wished he knew what his father's plans actually were. But it didn't matter at the moment, so he ate his food in silence and focused on staying awake just enough to function.

Soon enough, everyone had eaten their dinner's (and Curvo's returned to finish his), and Fëanor paid and they left. The walk to the hotel was, in retrospect, barely more than a quarter mile, but it felt like it'd never end. It even began to snow, and then the baby started to cry, so Curvo did too. Nelyo stopped the group and leaned over Curvo, telling him to go on ahead and get a good night's sleep and he'll take Telperinquar off his hands for a bit.

"Are you- are you sure?" He held the bundle close to his chest and sniffled his frustrated tears back into his face.

"I'm sure. Here," Slowly, Nelyo slipped little Telperinquar out of his grasp and cradled him. Almost instantly he quieted down. "Go on. You're sharing a room with Tyelko - tell him to let you have the bed, alright? You need it." He sent a last smile, and Curvo nodded and walked quicker up ahead. Nelyo heard him arguing softly with Tyelko, shouting "Nelyo said I could have a bed!" and causing Tyelko to huff angrily. Why were they so hell-bent on Nelyo becoming their leader? Their father was _right there_.

The younger half of the siblings went off to bed, as well as the father, and Nelyo was left in a room with a very overtired Káno. And slightly drunk, too. He'd had a couple of glasses of red wine.

"Ooh- me and my friends are lone _ly_..." Káno flopped onto the bed and cried out the broken lyrics of a song. Even drunk his singing was beautiful, but the pitch was a bit too crackly for Nelyo to really enjoy it. "I don't know what to do- _ooh-ooh_..."

"Are you done?" Nelyo secured his sling across his chest and held Telperinquar with the other hand. "If you don't mind, if rather not wake him again."

"Is it vexing to wear the clothes that you have bled in...?" Káno sung over him, voice rising louder with every note, knocking his knuckles on the headboard as a bass backing. "I- can't open up to you- _oo-oo_... me and my friends are lone _ly_... I don't know what to do- _ooh_ - _ooh_... I always figured I'd be- _ee-ee_ the one to die alone..."

"I said shut up, idiot, or you'll depress even the baby." Nelyo took a seat on the mediocre-quality chair and kicked off his shoes.

"Why did you have to tell Curvo you'd take his son?" Finally ending the singing, Káno let his hands drop to his sides and groaned aloud. "He's just going to cry all night!"

"Curvo needed a break." Nelyo said, tucking the blanket more securely around the baby. "Plus he's super cute."

"Stop being such a gross uncle, god." Káno rolled over and pulled the bedsheets over him.

"You had kids like a week ago."

"Ten days." He said, more subdued, and his head disappeared under the blankets. Nelyo regretted bringing up his kids.

"I'm sorry." He sighed, caressing a thumb over Telperinquar's fuzzy hair. "I didn't mean to bring anything up. We should both just go to bed."

"What d'you think I'm trying to do?" Káno huffed, voice muffled through sheets, and Nelyo shut up to let him sleep.

Speaking of which, Nelyo couldn't remember the last time he slept for more than an hour. He should get instant coffee if they were heading more north. Maybe that could wake up their company a little more than it seemed to be at the moment, drained and exhausted...

Telperinquar whined against Nelyo's chest and pawed the air with his tiny hands. He was awake. His eyes were so big, so brown, just like his mother. Nelyo smiled and set him carefully in his lap so he could let him hold one of Nelyo's considerably larger fingers in his squishy hand.

"Hi bud." Nelyo whispered, not wanting to wake Káno. "You're awfully cute." And Telperinquar gurgled and giggled and sucked on Nelyo's finger. Nelyo crinkled up his nose in distaste but let him naw on the tip of his finger. It was doing no one any harm. It's not like he was a dog with sharp teeth, or a bird with a pointy beak. Cats bit pretty hard too. Actually, maybe rodents were the worst. Moryo had had a hamster for a couple years in middle school, and once Nelyo tried changing its food and it ran up and bit him. It hurt for quite a while. But Telperinquar's soft teething was nothing like that, so Nelyo sat back and though of all the teething toys he should get the baby.

At around one that morning, Nelyo began to fall asleep. He didn't want that. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the burning boats or the pool of blood in Curvo's tent. So he took out his phone, Telperinquar in a deep sleep by now, and checked to see if Findekáno had contacted him at all. There was nothing.

The last text Findekáno had sent him was as they were crossing the lake back in Montana. " _Goodbye_." What the hell did that mean? Would he ever see Findekáno again? Nelyo spent too long staring at that one word, terrified at what it could mean. Had his father's words yanked their families apart, as Findekáno'd warned him months ago just after the accident? Was some prophecy unraveling?

Telperinquar awoke with a start and screamed. Nelyo got to his feet's hastily and took him outside the room, not wanting to wake Káno. Fortunately, Káno didn't wake, so he took a deep breath and rocked Telperinquar and walked down the hall and outside. Fresh air. He just needed some fresh air. He didn't need to think about Findekáno so much. It would put him in a worse state than he already was, and that's the last thing he needed.

"You couldn't sleep either?"

Nelyo jumped and held Telperinquar tight and whipped around, finding Moryo leaning against the outside of the building. "Oh. Moryo." Nelyo breathed, and relaxed. It was no one to worry about.

"That was nice of you to take the baby off Curvo's hands." Moryo eyed the bundle against Nelyo's chest with a smug smile. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because he needed help." Nelyo leaned against the wall beside his brother and glanced sideways at him. "No one could get through a time like this alone. Why wouldn't I help him?" He rubbed Telperinquar's head and cooed to him. Moryo chuckled. It was a strange sound to hear from him.

"You know we all want to follow you." He admitted, face flushing red. His face was always red, though. "You're a good leader. What you did at the Burning of the Ships, and helping Telvo after and carrying him so long. And with Curvo's girlfriend. This trip, journey, quest - whatever father wants to call it - is chipping our humanity away, little by little. But not you. You've always been like that."

"I'm not unaffected, Moryo." Nelyo furrowed his eyebrows and sighed. "I'm haunted by it too. I haven't slept for more than an hour or two at a time this whole trip. The memories linger. I can't forget. But I don't like dwelling on it. What's the point? I'll only feel sad, and a sad man gets nothing done."

"Maybe that's why Káno does nothing." Moryo huffed.

"Hey-" He started, but Telperinquar screamed again and he shushed him and bounced him. "Don't say things like that. Káno is trying. He's always been very gentle, very empathic. He lost his family, too."

"Sorry." Moryo grumbled, staring at his feet.

"What is it?" Nelyo kept his voice low and soft as to not rile up the baby again. "There's something wrong. Are you alright?"

"No, Nelyo, I'm not alright." He groaned, leaning his head against the wall. "This is such a shitshow, and no one's even been talking to me. I'm just the weird middle child, and I don't even have something super special about me to make me noticeable. Tyelko's loud, Káno's a known musician, Curvo's father's favorite and now a father, and even the twins were always mother's favorite. Who the hell am I? Some stock broker? I'm the angry one, if anything. Just because I like political debates and I'm quick to anger, I'm stereotyped as the angry brother. I _hate_ this trip. I want to go home. I want to go back to my job and my apartment and my armchair."

Nelyo paused, taking in what he was saying. "Moryo, you-" He paused, thinking. "I want to go home too. I really miss my apartment too. And I hate the responsibilities I've been given here. But you're worth a lot more than you know. I don't know what I would've done without you after my accident. You got me back on my feet financially. I couldn't deal with money, I was too... and you came in like some sort of banker superhero and fixed everything. And you did the same thing for the twins all throughout their college. They didn't always seem grateful because they don't understand money very well, but you're a _genius_. Don't you dare think you're a weird middle child. That's something I won't tolerate." Nelyo met Moryo's eyes and stared until Moryo broke down and hugged him tightly. Nelyo made sure Telperinquar didn't get squished and huffed a laugh.

"I'd wrap an arm around you if both my arms worked." Nelyo grumbled, resting his chin on Moryo's head.

"This is why we want you instead of father." Moryo said, muffled into Nelyo's sweater. "He's so mean. And he doesn't tell us anything. You're so..." Moryo pulled away from him and wiped his face, which was now even redder than before. "You're like a dad. To all of us."

No one had ever called him that. Nelyo froze and stared at Moryo. He was serious. He wasn't joking with him. Slowly, Nelyo smiled. "It's late. And cold. We should go inside."

The two of them walked into the building and shook off the snow that'd landed on their shoulders. Nelyo held Telperinquar close to keep him warm, but Moryo leaned over to take a look at him.

"Can I hold him?" Moryo looked up curiously. Nelyo nodded and passed him over carefully, as to not wake him again. Telperinquar was a surprisingly good sleeper, despite only being a few days old. Moryo held him like a fragile glass bowl, tucking him into the blankets more and tearing up. "He's so cute." He whispered. Telperinquar shifted and breathed out, and Nelyo and Moryo sighed lovingly. "I'm gonna knit him a sweater. A thousand sweaters."

"You knit?" Nelyo asked, surprised.

"Of course. You knew that." Moryo handed the baby back. "You're right though. We should go to bed."

"You should." Nelyo shifted Telperinquar and glanced down the hall. "Sleep well, Moryo."

"Thanks. You too." And Moryo turned and went to his room, leaving Nelyo in the middle of the hall. For a few minutes Nelyo stood there, trying to decide whether to stay up or go to sleep like he probably should, but he decided he was used to not sleeping and Telperinquar needed him anyway, and so he went back to the room and sat in that mediocre armchair. Káno slept through the whole night. It was one of the only times Fëanor had let them all sleep a full ten hours. It was delightful for everyone save Nelyo, who was more exhausted than ever by the time 8:00 am rolled around, Nelyo felt like a zombie. He could barely keep his eyes open and his hands shook uncontrollably. Fortunately, the food was probably just a lack of food - he hadn't eaten very well at the dinner the night before - but the complementary breakfast had begun in the hotel. He left Káno in the room to sleep a little more and tucked Telperinquar into his arm sling (during the night he'd figured out how to arrange the baby against his useless hand). The halls were fairly empty, and he saw none of his brothers. Good.

Telperinquar was up by the time he sat with a piece of toast and various fruits. He gurgled and made baby sounds and Nelyo had to stop his own eating to bottle feed him. He was starving. They needed to get more milk before they left the city, too. And instant coffee. And more granola bars, they were low on those too...

"Hi."

Nelyo stopped his list making and looked up. It was a woman with long brown hair and dressed in a blue jeans, a yellow shirt, and a black winter jacket. "Hi." Nelyo replied, already knowing what her intention was. There were three of her friends giggling behind her.

"Is he yours?" She asked, sitting across from him at the table and gesturing to Telperinquar.

"My brother's. He's my nephew." Nelyo send a guarded smile and looked back down to focus and make sure Telperinquar didn't choke.

"He's very cute."

Nelyo held back an eye roll and took the bottle away. "Look, you're pretty-"

"Thank you." More giggles from her friends.

"-But I'm leaving here in about an hour or two, and it's kind of you to talk to me, but this isn't going to work."

She looked disappointed that he saw through her ploy, but he'd seen enough of these to not be surprised. "We can exchange phone numbers, see where we go..."

Nelyo let out a laugh. "It's brave of you to offer, but I don't think so. I'm gay."

"Oh." She flushed bright red. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to-"

"You didn't want to offend me, but you've done no such thing. You're very pretty and I'm sure you're nice, but try and pick up guys somewhere that isn't a hotel. I'd suggest a cafe. Starbucks or something." Nelyo leaned his elbow on the table. "While they're waiting for their drink. Then there's no escape, and they might as well talk to you. Try that out."

She nodded and stood. "That's actually really good advice. Sorry for disturbing you."

"Have a good day." He sent a smile and she left with her friends, head down. Telperinquar was giggling and pawing the air. "Hi bud." Nelyo turned his attention back and let him hold and suck one of his fingers. A pacifier. They needed a pacifier for the baby.

The brothers never really showed up, so he decided to take action and get moving. He didn't want to get wherever Fëanor was planning on going past dinner time. He stopped back at his own room first, since Káno took the longest time to get ready.

"Káno!" He burst into the room. Káno was asleep and groaned as the door flew open. "It's time to go, get up and get dressed and meet me in the lobby!" And he tore all the blankets off the bed, making Káno groan and curl up. Then Nelyo ran from the room to get the rest.

Tyelko and Telvo were already awake and moving about, but Curvo and Moryo were hard to get up. Fortunately, they were all well rested (except for Nelyo, of course). When they were all moving and eating, Nelyo gave Telperinquar to Curvo and went to seek out Fëanor, to tell him that everyone was on track to leave in an hour. Maybe he could tell him what to do next. That would certainly help. Nelyo didn't want to stay still for very long. Maybe he would stop shaking if he just kept moving. So he wandered the halls, keeping his eyes out for Fëanor.

A hand shot out, grabbed his collar, and pulled him aside. Nelyo cried out and struggled in the grasp of whoever it was, but his eyes grazed across who it was that'd grabbed him.

"Father?" Nelyo breathed, relaxing a bit. "What're you doing?"

"Don't give me that bullshit." Fëanor growled. Nelyo swallowed. Why was he grabbing him? "Campaigning around like you're just _waiting_ for me to die."

"What are you talking about?" Nelyo lowered his voice. "Campaigning? You told me- you told me to start being a leader, to start helping. And besides, I've always been like that to my brothers - I'm the oldest. It's always been my job." The grip tightened on his collar. "Father. Please- let go of me."

Fëanor seemed to realize himself and stepped away, letting go of Nelyo. He turned and put a hand to his head and began pacing. "I'm sorry."

"What's going on with you?" Nelyo asked, now genuinely concerned. That was terrifying. He looked the same way he did when he threatened Ñolofinwë. "You've been acting strange ever since we left for this trip."

"I have merely been doing a lot of thinking." Fëanor stopped pacing. "But He's going to attack, and I don't know how ready we'll be."

"Probably not very, considering we don't know who he is. Who are you talking about?" Nelyo asked, stepping away from the wall and straightening himself.

"Morgoth." Fëanor began pacing again. "Our greatest threat."

Nelyo had to think. "You mean," He thought he understood, "The reason why we left home, the reason we took this long trip and why we burned those ships and weren't able to get Aithien to a hospital, was because you were _threatened_ by Morgoth?"

It sounded ridiculous when it was said out loud. Fëanor scoffed and shook his head. "These are dire times, Nelyo." Fëanor said his name as a hiss. "I figured you'd understand, as the eldest. You're little cousin shot the Lieutenant of the biggest gang in the country, you think there would be no repercussions? We're all in grave danger, Nelyo. Why do you think I'm bringing us so far away? So far north? There's a fortress there. We'll be safe."

Nelyo leaned against the wall and thought about it. "I'm sorry."

" _You've_ done nothing wrong, Nelyo." He obviously meant Findekáno. "Besides, both of us will have little to worry about once we get to our fortress." He stopped his pacing again and faced Nelyo. "Go and get the boys. We leave in fifteen minutes."

They did. Fifteen minutes was barely enough time to get out of the hotel, but they managed. Fëanor had been waiting outside, three vans waiting for them. Just like before, they piled in - Nelyo, Káno, Telvo, and Fëanor in one, Moryo, Curvo, Tyelko, and baby Telperinquar in the second, and Fëanor's men in the third. They drove fast, but not for very long. They stopped a couple miles outside Calgary, in some national park, at a horse farm. Nelyo didn't have to guess at this point. The fortress, the traveling by foot; they were meant to ride these horses to wherever their final destination was. Fortunately, Nelyo had some experience in horseback riding as a child, after his father insisted the eldest son had "a full set of needed skills". This also included golf lessons, skiing, poker and other various card games, martini-making, and how to fit and style a suit. It was exactly as ridiculous as it sounded.

All of Nelyo’s rushing around that morning paid off, because they reached the fortress at about four that afternoon. The sun was already setting, so as hurriedly as possible they handed their horses off to stablehands that appeared from no where. Did Fëanor really have an army? Were they going to fight a medieval-esque battle with swords and shields and armor?

“Nelyo!” Káno came running up to him. “There’s someone on the horizon. Giant black trucks. Is someone coming for us?”

“Why are you asking me?” He gaped, pointing over his shoulder. “Tell father! He’s the commander here, not me. And quickly! I’ll go up to the watchtower.”

Káno dashed away and Nelyo ran past him, into the fortress and up the winding stone stairs. He’d barely looked around yet, since he’d been helping the brothers and the soldiers unload their things, but the fortress was truly a beautiful thing. A massive stone structure, paved inside with mahogany wood floors and walls. The whole thing was antique. Possibly priceless paintings lined every possible wall, and the dining room was full of pure gold and jeweled items Nelyo knew his father must’ve made. But he couldn’t focus on any of that now.

He reached the highest watchtower quickly, and stared down below at the mountains and valleys. Káno was right. Through the skinny roads a barrage of huge blacks trucks drove, painted on the sides with the same insignia that was on the gun Findekáno stole from Gorthaur. It was Angband. They were coming.

Nelyo slammed his hand over the panic alarm behind him - the fortress was old, but it was equipped with some of the most high tech equipment he’d ever seen. There was a rack of snipers next to the alarm too, so Nelyo took one and studied it for a moment to get used to its handling. Then he leaned over the ramparts, leaning the gun against the stone, and peered in through the scope. In the third car back, the newest model Tesla, were who Nelyo was looking for. Morgoth and Gorthaur sat in the backseat, the car driving itself, both of them loading and checking their guns. Nelyo aimed his gun. He had extremely steady hands, being an ex-surgeon. He could take one of them out. He could kill one of them, right then. He cocked the gun.

“Nelyo!”

Nelyo’s hand unsteadied and the shot went far wide, missing them altogether. “Fuck!” He cursed, standing and leaning away from the stone half-wall. Behind him was a very rustled Tyelko. “What do you want?”

“Father told me to get you down to the- the armory. Enemy’s approaching.”

“I know, I was just going to take one of them out.” Nelyo groaned, flicking the safety onto the gun and brushing past Tyelko. “Come on then. You have to get protection too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points for anyone who can guess the song Káno was singing.


	13. the battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lethal battle everyone knows. What else is there to say?

Battle was never something Nelyo imagined himself joining into. He'd never had that dream of joining the army like Tyelko and the twins did (though the twins only wanted to join if Tyelko did, to follow their big brother). Even so, Nelyo'd grown up fencing - another one of those weird skills his father made him learn - and whether he liked it or not he knew how to fight.

But he'd never imagined using his fencing skills in the real world, because what was this, some fantasy novel? He had no use for swords and shields and armor. He preferred to stand back, watch, and tend to the wounded after.

"Armor over the Kevlar?" Nelyo grunted as Káno pulled the bulletproof vest tight around him. Káno was already fully armored.

"Yes." He heaved the breastplate from the rack and Nelyo grabbed it so he could hold it up, though lopsided. "I don't know why, but it's what I was told to do. Now get your boots on. I'll grab your shield."

The boots were a fine leather, much nicer than Nelyo'd ever seen, and the shield was strangely high tech. It was Kevlar, like his vest, but woven with steel and other metals. It fit perfectly over Nelyo's right hand, but that concerned him more; his right hand had always been his sword hand, how would he wield a sword? Oh well. He didn't have a choice now. He secured the broadsword around his waist and a pistol at its side, taking a sniper in hand. He'd go up to the very top of the fortress first, since Fëanor said he probably wasn't best suited for hand-to-hand combat. That was fair.

"Keep an eye on us, alright?" Káno clapped Nelyo's shoulder and sent a supportive look, his eyes shining with terror. Nelyo nodded curtly, and Káno left in a hurry. There was nothing left to do in the armory, so Nelyo wished the rest of the men good luck and ran up to the northern ramparts with a group of five other snipers. They set up and stared down at Melkor's forces driving up fast in armored cars. Nelyo stared down the scope, aimed, and took out a tire.

 

————————

 

Melkor and his men didn't need to prepare. They'd demolish Fëanor's forces in one brilliant, brutal stroke.

But as the cars swept through that valley-road, a shot took out a tire of the car driving in front. It swerved to the side, slid on dirt, hit a rock, and flipped. Melkor slammed on the brakes and swerved at the same time, drifting around the second car. They were third - but now leading the group.

"All climbers to the highest tower!" Melkor screamed into the walkie-talkie, nodding in concentration as three of the vans behind split off and went straight for the fortress. As instructed before, the men inside jumped out and rolled while their cars went smashing into the side of the stone structure, not making too much of a dent but catching fire and exploding and taking a lot of stone and rubble with it.

Unfortunately, now Fëanor was completely aware of their presence. Melkor smiled, picturing the look on his face when he caught him and tore his heart from his chest. Sauron grinned next to him, probably thinking the same thing.

The fighting really began when the snipers up above took out almost all of their tires and they were forced to stop and run out. Melkor wasn't worried. He stuck by Sauron's side and sprayed down the first line of soldiers while Gothmog set fire to just about anything and anyone he could. He and the Balrogs - his squadron - swung around to the left while Sauron took his right, intending to close in the enemy. Melkor went straight ahead, mowing down anyone that crossed his path. It was satisfying to see them fall, Fëanor's insignia bloodied and torn. Beautiful, really.

The climbers he'd sent off really had begun scaling the northern tower, though the snipers were good at picking them off. Melkor knew he saw Nelyo up there, and smiled. Oh how he could punish him. All the ways he could darken and twist him into nothingness, all the ways he could violate him and break him until there was nothing left.

 

——————————

 

Morgoth's servants wore burlap sacks over their heads.

Nelyo guessed it was a fear tactic, like in that Batman movie. He hoped he wouldn't get gassed with anything and forces to hallucinate. Was that even a thing? No. Not the correct thoughts. He shot down another climber and reloaded while the other snipers took them down.

Nelyo was unsure if they could even win this battle. Melkor was ruthless in the way he fought. When someone'd finally gotten that machine gun out of his hands and thrown aside, Melkor lunged forward and tore out the man's throat with his bare hands. Nelyo watched it all through the scope of his gun. But then the climbers finally got over the side of the wall and Nelyo panicked.

He'd never killed someone right in front of him. Sure, he'd been shooting down the enemy as they climbed the tower, but he couldn't see their bodies. He couldn't see the way they walked just like people, the eyes staring through holes in their burlap sack. He'd taken an Oath as a doctor to always do everything he could to save a life, and here he was, unsheathing his sword for the sake of another Oath.

The first three he didn't even look at as he brought down his broadsword and slit their throats. Then the fourth shoved him and he made the mistake of catching his eye while he plunged the sword into his torso. Blood ran down the steel and onto Nelyo's hand, still warm and making him want to vomit. What was he doing? He was supposed to not be in hand-to-hand combat. He glanced over the side of the tower and found all his brothers (save Curvo, who stayed locked up inside, demanding to protect his son with all he had) exactly where they were before. Still alive still breathing. Another climber came at Nelyo and knocked him to the ground.

 

———————————

 

Melkor has just begun to breach the fortress. Fëanor had dropped back in defense, but he had not yet been caught in the sandwich Melkor had set up. It was insanely frustrating. Why couldn't this man just make a mistake and die?

He did make a mistake not ten minutes later. Fëanor got separated from his squadron, from his sons, and now navigated the battle alone, only his skill in swordplay and martial arts keeping him alive. Gothmog would catch him, and he did. Fire poured over the hill as the Balrogs came upon it, melting the snow and taking everything else with it. Fëanor stumbled back in surprise and the squadron wrapped around and trapped him. This would be the end.

Gothmog struck him down first with his axe to Fëanor's feet, sending Fëanor flung backwards onto his back. Someone, probably one of his sons, screamed. Melkor paused in his killing to listen and smile. Fëanor tried to fight, he always would, but Balrog after Balrog crushed and stabbed and cut him until he was utterly destroyed, bleeding and wheezing into the muddy snow.

A shot up above began rapidly taking down or hitting every Balrog and soldier around Fëanor, so Melkor guessed it was Nelyo, sniping everyone from above. It worked. A third of Melkor's troops ran, retreating before being told.

"Master!" Sauron screamed through the viscera and waved his arm. "Exercise three!"

At least someone remembered their training. But it was no use. Even as Sauron drew shields and charged, Fëanor's sons fought back hard, a hundred times harder than they had before. Melkor could see Nelyo at the head, face streaked with blood and for a moment even terrifying Melkor. He was everything that embodied pain, every little detail of fear and horror and the primal need for violence. His hair resembled both the blood in the stark white snow and the fires still burning around them. Melkor didn't know which comparison he liked less.

"Retreat!" He screamed back to Sauron, who fought for a moment more but fell back when Melkor called a second time. "Retreat and regroup!"

They would be back. They'd forgotten something.

 

——————————

 

Nelyo watched in horror from too far away as his father was beaten down and stomped into the ground. Something laying dormant, something primordial within him sparked to life and rose, taking over his body. He cut down every single climber that came at him, killing all of them, and stumbled down the stairs to run out and throw everything he had at Morgoth. Fortunately, it worked. His wildness drew away the enemy, and all of a sudden Melkor and Sauron were running after Gothmog, hurrying to get away. Tyelko made a move to go after them. The fire inside Nelyo sputtered a bit and dropped.

"Stand down!" Nelyo cried. "I said, stand down." And they did, because who else's orders would they listen to?

"Father." Káno whispered beside him, making Nelyo remember what he was doing and run for the body that had fallen not a hundred meters away. The brothers followed quickly behind him, the air stiff and reeking of death.

Fëanor was still alive, though barely, when Nelyo reached him and collapsed at his side. He wrenched the shield off his arm and threw his gun aside, tearing off Fëanor's armor to see if he could be saved. It was a fool's hope. There was so much blood, so much...

"Get Curvo!" Nelyo screamed to no one in particular, not wishing to remember what'd happened to his brother's girlfriend. "Someone!" And so a soldier ran off the get Curvo. Nelyo hoped he got there before Fëanor was gone.

"Nng- Nelyo..." Fëanor couldn't move, but still his spirit wriggled, and there was fire in those eyes. Nelyo took his hand and leaned over, listening to hear his father's possibly last words. "Tear apart... Angband... Wring their necks... bring Thangorodrim to the ground..." Nelyo tightened his grasp on his hand, hoping for more guidance than that. How could he lead without his father? "Nelyo... always... always follow... what you know..."

Curvo ran up to them just as Fëanor went limp, screaming and falling to his knees beside Nelyo. "NO!" He went to grab Fëanor, hold him, but Nelyo grasped his shoulders and so Curvo almost aggressively pushed into him, sobbing helplessly. The brothers behind them stood stunned and not knowing what to do, so Nelyo put out his arm and they gathered around, holding each other tightly from yet another wave of grief. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not so soon after Pityo and Aithien. But Nelyo couldn't get up with so many people needing him and pushing against him, so for just a little while he stayed.

 

It was midnight when Nelyo demanded the brothers go to bed. They had shifted slightly in the hours they grieved, away from Fëanor's body as to not see him, but Nelyo could only wallow so much. He ensured each and every one of his brothers were tucked into a bed, although when Telvo asked to stay with him he had to make him at least stay with Tyelko in bed. Nelyo had something to attend to.

For five grueling hours he stood alone in the night, digging and digging. A grave. He couldn't look at his father's broken corpse any longer, he couldn't stand the thought of him left out in the cold. So he did it all himself. He dug the grave and lowered what was left of him inside, burying the dirt back over him. Nelyo felt nothing. Nothing.

The sun rose like an ever present reminder, and Nelyo got back inside just as breakfast was being made. He avoided whoever was in the Great Hall eating and instead ran upside and hopped in the shower. Káno wasn't in their room, so he assumed he was eating. Good. He'd seen people go hungry because of grief. If his brothers lost hope, he didn't know what he'd do.

The shower was refreshing, but he couldn't linger. Nelyo hopped out as soon as he was done, tied his still-wet hair up in a bun, and pulled on thick layers of clothes. He couldn't stay for breakfast, not really. He ran down the stairs and into the Great Hall, where everyone sat, brothers and soldiers.

"Nelyo," Telvo saw him first and stood, looking pitifully small. "Where were you?"

Nelyo took a bite of toast from Káno's plate, but couldn't stomach anything further. "I was-" He thought of what to say. "Going for a run. I couldn't sit around any longer." He avoided their gazes and shifted on his feet. "I'm going to scout around the area, make sure no one from Angband is lingering or stalking us. I'll- I'll be back soon." He turned to some of the soldiers. "Ten of you, come with me. One of you run ahead to tell the stableboy to prepare our horses." And a soldier ran off, so Nelyo straightened his jacket and nodded to his brothers. "Eat. After that... you should unpack your things and clean up this place. It's too dismal." 

Nelyo turned to leave, too nervous to face his brothers any longer, but Káno's voice made him falter in his step. "Be safe, Nelyo. Please come back in one piece."

"I will." Nelyo said without turning, and walked from the Great Hall.

The horses were ready for them just outside, and Nelyo wanted no time swinging up and riding off with the ten soldiers behind him. He had full faith they'd follow him and listen. They may have worked for his father before, but everyone respected Nelyafinwë. He was the spark to Fëanor's flame, the foam left in his wake. And he had control of all the territory, all the finances, and all the power.

It wasn't hard to find Melkor's company. They resided in a mountain, a jagged cliff face, but the gates were impossibly armored and would not be breached. Nelyo ordered for the white flags to be waved, and they kept their distance as riders exited the massive gates. This would be okay, Nelyo had to remind himself. A discussion never hurt anyone. Melkor was a horrible person, but he could be bargained with. Right?

"Nelyafinwë." Sauron rode out in the back, a smile plastered across his face and dressed in full armor. He seemed to have healed quickly, but Nelyo caught the stifled pain in his eyes. "What is the meaning of this... meeting?"

It was probably best not to dismount, not with so many of their treacherous servants, so Nelyo walked his horse just a bit closer. "I'm here to make a treaty."

There was a moment of silence, then Sauron and his soldiers began to cackle with laughter. Nelyo swallowed. "Oh, wow! A treaty! That's rich." Sauron huffed and had to grip his saddle tightly to not fall. "You really aren't the brightest one, are you Maitimo?"

The name sent a shiver down Nelyo's spine. "We've just shown we have the capability to take you down. Why will you not negotiate with me?"

At that, Sauron's smile dropped and he stared right through Nelyo's soul. This was a bad idea. This was a terrible, terrible idea. "I've waited for this moment," Sauron hissed, his voice nothing more than a monstrous growl, "For so long."

Sauron hissed something in another language to the servants, and they howled with laughter and attacked.

How could he have been so stupid? So horribly, irreplaceably stupid? Nelyo cut down all the servants he could, screaming for his men to retreat, but almost instantly they were overrun and knocked down. The horses either ran or were killed with them, and Nelyo rolled as he fell and scrabbled in the muddy snow, struggling to fend off the burlap sack-ed soldiers surrounding him. The way they moved, the way they fought, was nothing like Nelyo had ever seen before. They were savage and bloodthirsty and went out of their way to mangle the bodies more than necessary. Nelyo made a run for it, now panicking and desperate to just get away, to get to Káno and his brothers because he'd promised them, he'd promised he'd come back-

"The little flame is extinguished!" Sauron announced, kicking out his ankles and standing over him. Nelyo kept struggling, moving away, crawling in the snow, but it was no use. "Not very brave now, are we? I must thank you, I did not really want to storm your fortress again just to get you. Your arrival was quicker than Amazon could've done. Bind him!"

About seven or eight men ran forward, grabbing and groping Nelyo, and clasped iron shackles around his ankles and wrists. One of the larger men enclosed his neck in a fine steel collar with a chain attached, yanking on it and sending Nelyo tumbling to the ground and choking. The burlap men laughed and kicked him until blood filled his mouth and gushed from his nose. Then they once again shoved him to stand, and Sauron took the chain to his collar and tugged him inside like a disobedient dog.


	14. adjustment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man this fic is getting long
> 
> The brothers adjust to another missing family member, Káno takes control (and loses it), and all the brothers become super bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about how often (and short-ish) these chapters are, and how dark it is. To be honest, I’m really not in a good space right now - writing something this violent/depressing usually helps me just get through it, and what better way than to do so in a Silm fic? Things will get brighter, eventually. I don’t know when, but it will. Sorry about the rambling. Enjoy more angst.

It was a week of agony.

A week. A whole week without Nelyo, without knowing what'd happened or if he was dead. The fortress was chaos; losing two leaders within a night and a day left the brothers and the army in a state of stillness, not knowing where to go or what to do. Then Káno saw Telvo start sobbing at the breakfast table and he knew something had to be done. Nelyo may have disappeared, but they still needed someone to follow. And Káno was next in line.

Káno had never been a good leader. Never. But everyone else was falling apart, and he was certainly best (next to Nelyo) at hiding his emotions. He knew how to stuff them deep, deep down inside and forget about them. He met with the captains of each squadron in their army, saw to their needs and began focusing on cleaning up the fortress. It was the last order Nelyo'd given before disappearing: "...you should unpack your things and clean up the place. It's too dismal."

So they cleaned. They cleaned for a week, until Káno was sitting at his desk filling out taxes and thinking about finances and a soldier burst through his door.

It was a miracle he hadn't heard the noise earlier. Many of the soldiers had been running around yelling for over ten minutes, and finally one of them had the courage to enter Káno's office. He held a paper and a small wooden box, and his face was sheet white. Káno turned in his chair to consider him and narrowed his eyes.

"What are you here for?" Káno asked, gesturing him forward. "What is that?"

"This morning, we found- we found a letter and a box. On a horse. No rider." The soldier stepped forward and swallowed. "The horse was- uh- branded. With Morgoth's insignia."

"And the letter and the box?" Káno's blood pulsed in his ear and he held out his hand to take the delivery. "Give it over. What does it say?"

"I have not read it, my Lord." Káno hated that they called him that. "But it's signed by- Nelyafinwë Fëanorion."

Káno looked at the soldier incredulously and placed the letter and box on his desk, swiping aside the taxes. It really was signed, although scratchy, as Nelyafinwë Fëanorion. Káno tore open the letter first, and as he read tears pooled and spilled over:

  
"I'm sorry. I thought I could fix it. I couldn't. I'm sorry.  
They torture me here. I'm sorry this is so messy. They broke all my fingers. I'm writing this with mostly my mouth.  
I don't know if I'll see you again. Sorry. If you see Fin, tell him I miss him.  
I lied that morning I left. I wasn't running. I was burying father. I didn't want you to know. Please don't hate me. I already hate me. I lied to you and then got captured.  
Sorry about the bloody paper. It's all I could find but my lip is still split and dripping. I snuck this out somehow. Got it on a horse. I crawled out the air vents. They broke my leg. I could crawl. Sent the horse off. They found me and punished me. I'm sorry.  
Sauron's sending a proposal after this. Don't concede. You can't sacrifice our people for me. Leave me. I did this to myself. I love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

  
Káno couldn't emotionally deal with it. He was shaking and crying and everything felt so cold and rough. He'd had enough. Enough.

He opened the box and inside found father's signet ring, made by Fëanor himself. It was stained in blood. Káno let it drop from his hand and clatter onto the desk. Pain bubbled up inside him, sinking it's claws into every emotion and ripping it apart until it wriggled up his throat and twisted his face. He shot to his feet and turned on the soldier, standing by with terror on his face. "GET OUT!" He screeched, voice high and psychotic. "OUT! LEAVE!"

The soldier nearly tripped over himself running from the room. Káno was glad he slammed the door behind him, because as soon as he was gone Káno swept everything off his desk, screaming, and smashing the lamp. Everything was terrible, none of this was worth it, they were abandoned, cursed, alone-

"Káno?" The door had opened a bit again. "What-?"

"GET OUT!" Káno threw a glass mug and it shattered against the wall beside the door. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

It was Telvo. "What happened?" He wasn't deterred in any way and entered the room anyway, shutting the door behind him. Káno met his gaze, stopping in his rampage but breathing heavy. Telvo watched Káno crumble, tears slowly springing in his eyes and his lip quiver involuntarily. Káno thought he was good at controlling his emotions. But this was too much. He let out a cry of utter decimation and sank to the ground, not sure how else to react what was happening.

"Káno!" Telvo ran to him and held him and Káno collapsed into him, exhausted and mentally drained. "What happened? Everyone's been running around, there's been a huge commotion..."

"There was a letter." Káno breathed, though shakily. "Nelyo's gone. He's gone. Captured. They got him."

"No." Telvo snapped. "He can't have- he wouldn't have- Nelyo wouldn't have left us. Not now. Not like this." But Káno didn't take back what he said, so Telvo fell into his brother and wept with him.

 

But sorrow can only last so long. And the brothers were resilient. Very slowly, they began to function again, were able to live without  crumbling under the dread of grief. Still the weight of abandoning their eldest and not surrendering to the Enemy weighed on them, but they had to live with it. They needed to live with it. Nelyo wouldn't have wanted them to surrender. He would've been furious. So they left him, and they went on with their father's foolish mission while Nelyo was whittled away in a dark mountain.

And years passed. The first was the hardest. The hardest to get used to a life with missing pieces,  a life where they wouldn't be woken every morning by an over-energetic redhead. Then it got easier, or harder, depending on how you look at it. The second year was all work, all of trying to get a grasp of Fëanor's business, money, and territory. The third felt like a dream. Small battles, getting business done. Little things. There was still no news from Ñolofinwë, nor Nelyo, which was both disheartening and terrifying. The fourth passed much too quickly. If someone were to ask, the brothers wouldn't remember one thing from that year. And then the fifth.

Káno didn't even realize it'd been five years until he sat in the Great Hall for breakfast, eating toast and thinking about what he had to do that day. Conversation had lilted and dropped. Káno wasn't expecting it to get up much more. Then Telvo spoke.

"It's been five years today that Nelyo left." He said, voice determined and hardened. All of them had hardened, considerably so. Káno looked up and saw the expressions of shock on his brothers' faces, but didn't say anything. "And father's yesterday. Last night."

They still remembered that night and morning vividly. The discomfort in Nelyo's eyes when he entered the Great Hall that morning, his fighting fingers. Káno had picked the memory apart, trying to figure it all out; Nelyo had meant to fix the feud between their father and the Enemy. It's what he wrote in the letter a week later. He was naive and just wanted to protect his brothers. He always had.

A month later a scout picked up tracks of a huge company heading for their fortress. Káno built the fortress up further and trained the soldiers harder. Two weeks after that another scout picked up just who the company was. Ñolofinwë, his sons and those who came with him from California. Káno fortified anyway, unsure whether they would be directly hostile or not. One always had to be wary. Nelyo hadn't been, and he got himself captured. Some of the brothers didn't like it, like Moryo, who said something along the lines of, "those pussies would never attack".

They didn't. After they settled down in the abandoned fortress a few miles away from the Fëanorian one, and stayed to themselves for another month. They definitely knew they were there. One day in the middle of a particularly warm April, a rider from their fortress rode up, bearing a white flag and the Ñolofinwëan flag. Káno demanded they enter, and found it to be Findekáno. Of course it was Findekáno.

"Kanafinwë," He greeted, much colder than he may have before. Findekáno looked different. His face looked to have aged, even for five years, and his hair was pulled back into a braided bun.

"Findekáno. What are you doing here?" Káno stared him head on and didn't falter. He had work to do, after all, and didn't wish to waste time.

"May I come in?" He asked, and so Káno stepped aside and allowed him in. Káno brought him up winding stairs into his office and was glad for the lack of brothers hounding him at the moment. He needed to hear what Findekáno had to say.

"Now that we're alone, tell me what your business is here." Káno sat at his desk and gestured for the chair across from his. Findekáno sat.

"I- can I speak to Nelyo? Where is he?"

Káno's blood ran cold. He didn't know about what happened to Nelyo, and Káno had repressed the thoughts until then. He leaned on his desk and sunk his head into his hands. Findekáno shifted nervously.

"I know we aren't on good terms." Findekáno said, wanting to explain himself. "I know he burned the ships and stranded us, and I- I hate him for that. For taking part in that. The cold north up here is brutal. We spent so long on ice and brittle ground. But- but I still want to see him. Nelyo. We have not spoken in five years."

"Findekáno." Káno stopped him before he could speak any more. "I don't like you. I don't like your father. And I don't think your reasoning for being here is acceptable, but you need to know the truth."

"Nelyo hates me, doesn't he?" Findekáno sat back in his chair and sighed. Káno bit his lip bitterly, wondering how someone could be so idiotic. So foolish.

"Nelyo doesn’t hate you." Káno started, wanting to just start from the beginning but avoiding a whole lot of painful thoughts. "I need to explain what’s happened, because you won’t understand if I don’t. Pityo burned. He died. We haven’t spoken of it since." Findekáno went to speak, almost frozen with shock, but Káno barreled on. He had work to get to. "A few days later, Curvo's girlfriend went into labor and died. His son survived, but that was all Nelyo's doing. He basically brought him back to life. Then we arrived at this fortress, and Morgoth attacked." Kano faltered here, not wanting to remember the carnage. "Nelyo was a sniper. He saved all our lives, but only after Morgoth and his Balrogs murdered our father. Nelyo rallied and drove them off, then sat with us that night and sent us off to bed. He stayed up all night in the freezing cold, burying our father's mangled corpse. He didn't tell us. He came in the next morning after cleaning himself and said he... said he-"

Káno's voice wilted and broke off. He coughed into his hand and took a long sip of water from the glass on his desk. "He said he was going to scout the area. He wasn't. He went to attempt to end the feud with Morgoth, and rode right up to the mountain they'd taken over."

"No." Findekáno knew where he was going with this, and stood. "No."

"They killed the few soldiers he had with him and took him captive." Káno opened one of the drawers next to him and pulled out the letter, untouched from five years ago. "A week later, after hearing no news of where Nelyo had disappeared to, we got this letter." Káno stood and handed it to Findekáno to read. Findekáno almost broke down right then and there. "He told me to tell you he misses you."

Findekáno clasped his hand over his mouth to stifle a sob. It didn't work. "How- how long ago did this happen?"

"Five years." Káno took the letter back and placed it in his desk again. "It was the end of January. A few days after that letter, we got one from Morgoth demanding our surrender, placing a blackmail on Nelyo's head. We could not afford to agree to his commands. You have to understand, Findekáno- I- we-" Káno walked around the desk, now just wanting his cousin to understand. "We had no choice. It chips away at my soul every day, knowing he's being tortured there and not being able to do anything about it. You have to understand I would never wish this on him. On anyone."

"I know." Findekáno looked up and met his eyes. "He's always been horribly, stupidly naive. I can't believe..." He trailed off, took one look at Káno, and looked away. "I'm sorry about Pityo. And Curvo's girlfriend. And Fëanor."

Káno said nothing to that. After a moment of silence, Káno clapped a hand on Findekáno's shoulder and walked to the door. "I must send you back now. I am mild-mannered, as far as the- the five of us go, but the rest of my brothers aren't. I fear what they may do if they see you here." And Findekáno nodded in agreement and walked to the door too. "Listen, Findekáno... I've only told you this because Nelyo respected you. I do my best to lead as he would have if he were here. But this does not mean we are on good terms. When your father asks what we discussed, tell him we argued territory and then you left out of anger." Findekáno went to speak, but Káno cut him off. "-Don't argue that, because I've seen your discussions with Turukáno. Now go. I trust you can see yourself out."

"Yes. And thank you, cousin. Thank you for telling me." Findekáno sent one last, solemn smile, and left. Káno shut the door to his office and stood in the stillness of the room for a moment, twirling Fëanor's signet ring on his left pinky.


	15. goodbye mr hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ha got eem
> 
> Sorry for the wait, but I’m back with a few more installments of whatever this has become!!! 
> 
> Tyelko is bitter, Turukáno is bitter-er, Káno’s just doing his best, and Findekáno goes on two missions (one for before, one for after).

For two months there was no news from Ñolofinwë and his camp. Káno was fine with that - it gave him time to forget about their existence, about Findekáno's visit. Except that after two months, his brothers had of course gained their own, bitter opinions about the Ñolofinwëans.

"They're just genuinely not that bright." Said Tyelko one night, at the dinner table. He was having one of those angry outbursts again. "If they try and visit here, we aren't opening the gates."

"Ah, yes, I forgot it was you who was in charge." Káno spat, fed up with his attitude. "If one of them happened to waltz through here right now, I'd let them."

There was a loud knock at the doors to the Great Hall. Curvo snorted at the coincidence and nudged Telperinquar to eat his dinner. Káno grumbled, got from his seat, and ignored all the comments from Tyelko. Who cares what he thinks? Káno is the one who's oldest here, he's the one who calls the shots.

It was Turukáno waiting for him, looking frazzled and furious. As soon as Káno opened the doors, Turukáno ran forward and pointed a finger in Káno's face.

"What the hell did you tell him?" He was yelling. "What did you say?"

"Get the fuck out of my face." Káno's stepped back and whacked his hand away. Curvo covered Telperinquar's ears behind him. "What are you talking about? Who did I apparently tell something to?"

"Don't play stupid." Turukáno didn't even look at any of the other brothers. "Findekano! What'd you tell him?"

"Findekáno? What happened to him?"

Turukáno stepped back, looking over Káno's face and just then realizing that he was being serious. "You don't know?" And Káno shook his head, confused and frustrated. "Findekáno disappeared. He left a note saying he was going to get Nelyo back, but that was it."

Káno chewed the inside of his cheek and turned away, putting a hand to his forehead. His phone buzzed. He grabbed it and read the text on the screen. Why couldn't this Chinese investor leave him alone? "I have nothing to say to you." He turned back to his cousin and stared him in the eye. "I have my own responsibilities here. Your brother running off blindly is none of my business, and frankly, I don't care. Is that all you had to say?"

"He spoke to you." Turukáno rolled on. "He was shaken up when he got back, but didn't tell us anything. Nelyafinwë was taken by the Enemy, wasn't he? You told him, and now he's off on some crazed suicide mission."

Káno couldn't have this on his conscience too. He growled with frustration and shook his head. "I can't do anything about that. What do you want me to do, send off troops for the sake of someone who doesn't matter to us in the long run? Bargain with the same people who bargained my brother's head? My hands are tied, Turukáno, even if I wanted to help you. Now go. Deal with this on your own."

Turukáno looked at the rest of the brothers once, scoffed, and turned on his heel. Káno shut the doors behind him and sat back at the table, eating immediately and ignoring the tense silence in the Great Hall. Tyelko broke it.

"Told you." He said.

 

 

Meanwhile, miles away, Findekáno practiced his rock-climbing skills.

He didn't know exactly how he'd get into Angband's fortress, but he could get in through the roof, surely. Smoke rose from many different precipices, which meant there were holes in the roof. If he had to climb down a chimney to save Nelyo, he would.

But the climb was proving to be harder than usual. Soldiers prowled at every corner, at every tower, and steadily Findekáno took out each and every one of them. It was necessary. The assassinating was easier, anyway. These soldiers weren't people, not anymore. He heard the way they talked, so vulgarly and horribly, and their verbal attacks at Nelyo. They kept referencing his "hanging", which Findekáno prayed not to be a lynching. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if he showed up to find Nelyo already dead.

By noon on the third day, Findekáno had stopped to take a break. He'd already checked the area of scouts, but still he had his guns beside him. He could eat a bit of the crackers he'd brought. He could survive off crackers, easy, but the water was a bit of a problem. He'd brought a lot extra, of course, but it was the third day and he was running out. He feared what might happen if his journey took a knee day.

It was just as he'd sat back to relax for a moment that something loud screamed overhead. Screamed? Findekáno shot to his feet and looked around, pistol raised and ready to take out any burlap-soldiers, but to his surprise the scream wasn't any soldier. It was a hawk, circling him and screaming for attention. "Oh." Findekáno sat back down. "What are you doing here, little guy?"

The hawk swooped down to him, and for a second Findekáno thought it was going to kill him. Then it landed on the twisted tree beside him and ruffled its feathers. Findekáno stood again, grabbed his things, and walked up to it. The hawk was leading him somewhere. He knew it. It took off again and flew up the mountain, on a certain path and mission. Findekáno ran after it, hoping it knew where Nelyo was and was leading him to him. It seemed to be true. The hawk stopped every once in a while for Findekáno to catch up and went off again, eventually stopping at a cliff face and landing on a rock to Findekáno's right. That's when Findekáno saw him.

It was Nelyo. Hung by his right wrist in a horribly crooked way, plastered to the cliff like a squished bug. He was naked and unbelievably thin, covered in scars and looking more like a rotted corpse than a person. His hair was grown past his knees and matted, and his eyes were squeezed shut as if in pain. Findekáno's heart had stopped. He looked dead. Then his eyes opened, and Findekáno's heart raced.

"No more..." Nelyo's voice was a crackly, broken thing, like a radio with bad reception. "Please... no more...." His eyes shut again, and Findekáno climbed up to the platform he hung from. There was a little notch- he could get up there and examine the cuff around his wrist. But as he climbed up and sat and looked, Nelyo  just shook his head weakly.

"Just shoot me..." He croaked. "Shoot me. Let me die. I want to die."

Findekáno swallowed thickly. "Nelyo, I'm here, I'm here, I want to help you. I can save you. You can live."

"I can't... live. Not if I'm already... dead..."

Findekáno leaned into the metal at his wrist and saw it was melded right into the stone. "This- this cuff. How did they get it on you?"

Nelyo nodded off for a second, so Findekáno snapped in front of his face and repeated himself. "I've already... told you. He... Master burned it into... into the stone..." He rolled his eyes up to meet Findekáno's. "Kill me..."

"No. No. Nelyo, you can't- you can't tell me to do that. Now how do I get this cuff open?"

"You can't..." His head fell back down.

Findekáno thought for a moment. There weren't many ways he could save Nelyo. He looked at his options; kill him, leave him, and curt of his hand. Killing him was out of the picture. As was leaving him. He hadn't come all this way to not return with Nelyo. So he'd have to cut off his hand.

While balancing on the rock ledge with the hawk watching beside them, Findekáno shuffled his long hunting knife out of the sheath on his belt. "This is going to hurt. I'm sorry, Nelyo. I'm really sorry."

Findekáno held the blade to his wrist for a minute before cutting. Nelyo was drifting off, not truly here. Then a burst of need got a hold of him, and the knife began.

There was so much blood. So much. Findekáno had gone hunting before, and he'd skinned the kill. But nothing compared to sawing through tendons and bones within a human wrist. The cuff had been set up so just the part of sensation was shown, all of the numbed, dead hand in or above the cuff. And how Nelyo screamed. He thrashed in his bonds, trying to grab onto his cousin and tear him away, kicking and tugging away from Findekáno's grasp. It was brutal to watch. Findekáno knew he'd never forget the image for as long as he lived.

As the last bit of flesh was sheared away, Findekáno had to drop his knife to catch Nelyo's falling body. He was completely limp, and now bleeding out. Findekáno looked to the hawk for help, and so the bird took off and led them down the mountain much quicker than Findekáno had before. The whole way Nelyo screamed and thrashed in his arms, crying and holding the bloody stump that was his arm up to his chest. They were soaked in blood by the time Findekáno stumbled down the last rock and into the gallery between the mountain ranges.

"Please." He looked at the hawk, who'd landed on a tree beside him. "Please. He's going to die. I need your help."

The hawk screamed and began preening itself. Findekáno whined and struggled to get over to the tree to beg more. He heaved Nelyo up against his chest and cradled him. "Please!" He yelled. The hawk glanced at him once and stuck it's head into its back. "Please, you've taken me this far. Don't let him die."

The hawk screeched again and looked off behind him. Findekáno turned and found, a bit ways off, stables full of horses. The hawk had already shown him where to go. Nelyo screamed again. "Sorry. Thank you. Thank you." Findekáno nodded to the hawk and ran, best he could with a person in his arms, to the stables.

The place was crawling with soldiers. And Nelyo wasn't quieting. So Findekáno snuck out his pistol and took down each burlap soldier as they came around the corner, until there were none left and Findekáno could sneak into the stall of a horse already racked up and haul himself and Nelyo on her back. They look off at high speed and didn't stop, and while the horse cantered Findekáno took Nelyo's wrist and wrapped it tightly in a piece of his shirt.

The ride back to the fortress was brutal. The canter of the horse nearly threw them both off, but Nelyo more so. He weighed nothing. And Findekáno had trouble holding him down, to not move because he'd lose more blood, but about halfway through the trip he passed out and Findekáno didn't have to worry about his thrashing. But still he worried, because in this state Nelyo didn't look like he'd ever be the same again.

Hours later, nearing midnight, Findekáno finally came into his father's fortress, panting with exhaustion and stress. The horse just about collapsed as soon as he got off her, and gave her an appreciative pat on the neck before running into the entry hall.

"Someone!" He shouted. "Doctor! We need a Doctor!"

Fortunately, no one was asleep - it was a commonplace to have such late nights. A soldier stopped, took one look at Nelyo, and ran off to grab a Doctor. Findekáno had stepped further into the castle then, desperate for any help he could get and needing to save Nelyo. He was dying. Blood had soaked through the shirt tied around his wrist and dripped onto the tile floor. It's okay. He could clean it up. But it didn't matter right then. Nelyo was the most important thing, the thing Findekáno couldn't let go of if he tried.

A Doctor came not long after having being summoned, brining with him two other doctors and a makeshift stretcher they could bring him to the room in. Findekáno followed close behind but stayed at a distance to not disturb them. Nelyo was set into a bed, unconscious but stirring. They made sue to keep him under with anesthesia. Where did they get all these supplies from? Did they bring it with them?

"Brother!" Someone was running up from behind Findekáno. "Brother!" It was Turukáno. Findekáno met him in the hall outside the room and brought him into a hug, neither of them caring about the smudging blood. "I thought you'd be dead. I can't believe this. You- this blood, it's- you brought back Nelyafinwë, didn't you?"

Findekáno nodded. "I had to. I couldn't live with that on my conscious." He parted from the hug but held his younger brother's hands tightly in his. "Please understand. When Káno told me, he... he seemed so distraught. I didn't want to become that. I prepared for the journey for two weeks, anyhow. I was..." He was going to say he was ready, but then he thought about it and realized he wasn't. He wouldn't ever really be ready for something like that. "I got him back. That's what's... important."

"What happened there?" Turukáno held his shoulders so he could peer into his eyes. Findekáno huffed and shook his head. "You're covered in blood. Was he hurt when you found him?"

Losing himself for a second, Findekáno let out a breath of a sob and cringed. He shook his head and tried to contain himself, but the prompted question sent him into a spiral of how to say what he'd done. "I... I had to... He was hung from a cliff." He decided on what to say and went with it. "By his right wrist. He was so- so skinny, so thin. He looked like someone from one of those pictures from World War Two, when the concentration camps were liberated - his body was just scraps and bone. He said- he told me to kill him. He pleaded. I couldn't. I couldn't, I'd gone all the way there and I couldn't leave without him. I-" But Findekáno couldn't seem to finish, he couldn't seem to admit to himself that he'd cut off his hand, that he'd really crouched there and sawed through his best friend's wrist with a hunting knife.

"It's okay." Turukáno saw the terror on his face and shook him by the shoulders. "It's alright. You got him back. You saved his life, Findekáno. Now come - you smell awful and you're covered in blood."

So Findekáno followed him through too brightly lit halls and into Turukáno's bedroom, where he sent Findekáno into the connected bathroom to bathe and shower and wash himself. It was hard scrubbing all the blood off his body, especially when he knew Nelyo was in the other room, in pain and probably being operated on. Fortunately, he was able to finish quickly and walk out into Turukáno's room with fresh clothes, and even let his brother sit him down and oil and braid his hair into two Dutch braids. But that was all the leisure he could take. He ran back down the hall, Irissë and Findaráto having caught on and following him. They wanted to see what state Nelyo was in.

"Will they allow me in?" Findekáno wondered, stopping outside the door. "What if I'm not allowed in? What if something's gone wrong?"

"It's been nearly two hours, Fin, of course they'll let us in." Turukáno raised his fist and knocked loudly. There were footsteps inside, amongst shouting and rustling, and the door flew open, a Doctor with her hair in a bun and looking frazzled answering them.

"May we come in?" Findekáno asked, not knowing what he'd do if he couldn't see Nelyo. The doctor nodded and stood aside to let them in, and shut the door behind them.

The place was chaos. All four doctors ran and searched through papers and books, shouting at each other and running all around Nelyo, who was completely still in the bed. His right arm was out at an upward angle beside him, and the rest of his body laid limp and pathetic. His hair had been shorn down almost to the scalp, revealing gruesome scars, and his now completely revealed face also covered in jagged scars. His eyes twitched in sleep, like he wanted to get up and move.

"My God." Turukáno stepped forward and glanced at Findekáno. "You weren't kidding. And- his hand."

It didn't take a genius to know what he was talking about. His right stub was wrapped supremely tightly in bandage. Findekáno stepped forward as the doctors stopped and ran to one book on the right side of the room. It was silent for a quick moment, then everyone was running around again.

"What's going on?" Findekáno asked, as the doctors began shifting around Nelyo. What were they doing?

"One moment." One of the doctors said. They waited for a few more seconds, then the same doctor turned around and stepped towards them, away from Nelyo. They turned with him and stepped away.

Not a second later the screaming started. Nelyo had woken, and whatever pain drugs they'd used obviously had done nothing. He screamed the same way he did when Findekáno had cut him from that cliff, brokenly and sorrowed. The Doctors were shifting the position of his arm, and in that little change Nelyo calmed and instead rolled his head and whined. Findekáno stepped forward to see him, so the same Doctor as before stopped him and shook her head.

"He's weak." She said. "He needs rest. And he really shouldn't be talking."

"Why?" Findekáno peered over her shoulder. "Is he alright?"

"He's fine, we just need to run some tests first. I'd get some work done in that time." The Doctor sent a sympathetic look and turned to help the others.

"Yes, Fin." Irissë patted his back and took his hand. "Let's go. I'd assume father wants to see you."

That was the last thing Findekáno wanted to do at that moment, but he nodded and followed his siblings and cousin out anyway. He mentally prepared himself for the screaming that was about to happen.

The hallways were silent. Perhaps everyone really had gone to bed. Nevertheless, Findekáno's nervousness did not cease, his and Turukáno's boots clicking down on stone. Findaráto and Irissë has decided to leave, go off and sleep a bit while Findekáno got chewed out. They didn't want to deal with Ñolofinwë's wrath; no one did.

The door to Ñolofinwë's office was left open, as it always was. He said he liked the background noise, that chaos made him focus better. Findekáno knew it was also because he wanted to put on the illusion of being welcoming to the men living at this cold, dark fortress. And Ñolofinwë was welcoming, in a sense. But he was also very serious, tense, and terrifying when angry. Turukáno left quickly, as soon as they'd reached his door, preferring to not come anywhere near their father when the shouting started.

"Hey, uh, dad." Findekáno knocked on the open door and came through, his father sitting at his desk with his head buried in his computer. But as soon as his voice ring throughout the silent room, Ñolofinwë shot to his feet.

"Son." His eyes widened. "Findekáno. You're alive."

Findekáno looked down at himself and nodded. "I'm alive."

Ñolofinwë lunged forward and crushed his son in a hug, holding him tight for just a moment. But he has to pull away sometime, so he let go and shut the door. His mind was racing. "I can't believe you just- with no notice, Findekáno, you can't just be running off! It's much too dangerous, and I can't even believe you'd think to do something so reckless - and for what? What was your purpose? Why did you leave?"

"Nelyo is back." He stepped back and swallowed. "I- rescued him."

"You..." Ñolofinwë considered this. "You ran off on a death mission to rescue your cousin? Have you completely lost your mind?"

Findekáno stared at his feet. "I'm sorry. But I couldn't live with myself if he died there and I did nothing."

"He was a prisoner!" The father went on, beginning to pace. "He was locked up, you said the brothers hadn't heard anything for five years! And all of those five years, son, we were marching across ice and mountains because of of his father did, leaving us behind and killing all those people. What gives you the right to save someone who'd wronged you so greatly?"

"Nelyo, he..." Findekáno shook his head. "He wouldn't purposefully wrong us. Never. He's a kind man, almost a mother to all his brothers. He didn't deserve to be there, father, as a prisoner. You have to understand."

"No, I don't." He stopped his pacing and faced his son. "I don't have to understand. But if it's something you believe strongly, then... I'll just have to live with it."

At that moment, one of the doctors broke through the door, his face sweaty and his hair slicked back. "Sirs, Nelyafinwë has woken!"

Findekáno glanced at his father. "Already?" He asked, but followed out the doctor anyway, Ñolofinwë trailing behind them. The halls always seemed much longer when one was in a rush, the stone stretching out and the clicking of boots echoing eerily. It was past midnight, anyhow. Well past midnight. And the screams only added into the spookiness.

The screams were a desperate scream, a violent scream, and the rawest form of emotion. It was the breaking of will, the primitive lashing out in danger, backed into a corner and rabid. It didn't fit the organized, empathic and motherly cousin Findekáno'd known.

"Through here," The Doctor stopped and held the door open into the room holding Nelyo. The screams only grew, but Findekáno entered fearlessly, simply wishing to see Nelyo.

"Nelyo?" He called in between a dip in the screams, which then fizzled out for a moment. He stalked forward, not looking at the white walls and bedsheets and ceiling and bandage. Then the form in the bed shifted, and Findekáno could see the start of the cowlick in the back of his hair. The doctors had cut his hair down, which was dirty and greasy with a few grey pieces poking out. Findekáno walked up to the bed as quickly as he could, needing to see Nelyo and needing to see him now.

It wasn't what he wanted to see. His skin was a grayish pallor, freckles diluted to a darker grey, his eyes dark and almost black in the dingy light. His lips were curled into a scowl and he was restrained in the bed, his right wrist held in a specific position against the bed and the rest of his limbs tied down to the mattress. He didn't look very happy about it, but Findekáno supposed it was for the best. As soon as Nelyo caught his gaze he froze, stopping in his screaming to stare. Tears glinted as he shifted, narrowing his eyes and blinking slowly like he wasn't sure if this was really happening.

"Fin?" He squeaked, his voice tiny and broken. Findekáno choked out a sob and ran to the side of the bed.

"You're home, Nelyo, you're home." He grasped his left hand, tied down but able to be grasped anyway. "I had to get you, I had to save you from that place. You're home now, you're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you again."

Nelyo sobbed against him. Ñolofinwë kept his distance, not wanting to interrupt whatever was happening. "But- but you-" Nelyo cut in, unable to speak very clearly without his voice shaking. "You- I wronged you. I left you. And my brothers- my brothers - are they safe? How are- you here? How am I- am I here? I thought I was dead, they- they told me I was dead."

Findekáno stared and wondered how in the world he could answer that. "You aren't dead, Nelyo. And- don't you remember what happened? I rescued you from that cliff, I freed you-"

Nelyo cut him off with a thrash and another scream, trying to tear his right arm free. Findekáno stepped back hastily to let the doctors fill his place, shifting around his arm and inserting a needle into the crook of his arm. It must've been some sort of drug, because his scream lessened to a low moan. His right shoulder twitched painfully but he looked back to Findekáno nevertheless.

"My- brothers." He croaked. "Get them. Please. Please. I want to- see them- before... before..." He faltered and dropped away, flicking his eyes down from Findekáno. A second later he gathered himself and stared back up. "I want to see them before- in case I die."

That was fair. Findekáno stumbled to his feet and looked to his father, who gritted his teeth and nodded.

"Be careful, son." He patted his shoulder as he passed and didn't lift his eyes from Findekáno's face. In case something went wrong again. Findekáno nodded and sent back his most determined look. Then he was gone again, running down the hall and stairs without stopping. He had to move fast. The chance that Nelyo could die hung over his head like the dark storm cloud it was.


	16. damn. shoulda gone to business school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I probably should’ve balanced this out better cause the last chapter is super duper long and this ones... not. Oh well. 
> 
> Basically Káno wishing he’d gone to business school instead of music school. Also Tyelko is bitter pt. 2 feat angst

Káno had spent yet another late night arguing with investors. He'd finally gotten that prime real estate on the seaside, the port factory they could use for overseas trade, but he'd lost what had been an important factory before. Fine, it was fine. He could deal with it. Even if Tyelko has been screwing him over all month with his ambitious building of the kennels, even if it might help in the long run. Those damn dogs barked all fucking night. Káno didn't have time for sleep, but if he did he'd be supremely annoyed.

Ever since Turukáno's impromptu visit the brothers had been remarkably cold towards him. As if he'd done something wrong. He was running this whole place, and maybe he wasn't perfect but at least they were falling apart and they could hold off the Enemy's threats well enough. That was all they should ask for. That was all they could ask for.

"Káno," Telvo stood in his doorway. "I can't sleep."

This was common. Káno sat back in his chair and decided he could use a break. "Alright." He stood and shuffled the papers around to organize a bit. "Get in bed, I'll be there in a moment."

Telvo left and Káno stood in the silence for a second, glad to have half a minute of time to quiet his mind. He checked his watch. Ten of one in the morning. What was Telvo doing up so late? Never mind. Káno walked out of his office, shutting the door behind him (he was done for the night), and down the hall and up to stairs to his room. In the closet, carefully packed away under dirty laundry, was his harp. How he'd crossed the country and mountains without it breaking was still a marvel to Káno. Fortunately it still got a little bit of use, although it'd been about a month or so since he had to play for Telvo. The kid was twenty-four by then, shouldn't Káno just teach him to play for himself? Ah, he didn't have time. Not with so many other brothers to take care of too.

"Here." He announced as he entered Telvo's room. It was a habit they'd all developed - after years of war and traumatic memories, it was easy to set someone off with an unexpected entrance. Telvo laid in his bed, the covers tucked up to his chin. It was storming out. Oh. "Telvo, you really must overcome this silly fear."

"I can't help it." He squeaked. "I don't like it. The thunder sounds like gunshots."

"And what has Curvo told you before? We're in a stone castle. Stone is what?" Káno stared expectantly.

"Very bad at conducting, I know. It doesn't help with the fear though. I just don't like it. Can you play your harp now?" He stared back with large blue eyes, inherited from their mother, and settled back in the blankets. Káno sighed, rolled his eyes, and began.

It was a lullaby Nerdanel had taught them all as children, except that only Káno had actually remembered it. And he only played it when he felt completely hopeless, the feeling of being a ghost wandering the halls. It was interminably nostalgic. And it helped the best when Káno saw his brothers gloomy. So he played for Telvo, over and over, until he fell into a deep sleep. By that time it was well past one and almost two.

Káno stood and shut the door to Telvo's room behind him quietly, padding down the hall to his own room. The harp was tucked back in the closet and he slumped on the edge of his mattress, unsure if he should stay up and get more work done or attempt to sleep. On second thought, he knew he couldn't sleep that night. His brain was too wired. He decided on laying in his bed and thinking, which was perhaps the worst of the options he could've chosen.

Thinking too hard wasn't the best idea for someone like Káno. He found himself starting off with the usual worry for his brothers, then into thinking about Nelyo; dead or near enough somewhere, corpse rotting or still suffering at the hands of that bastard Enemy. He hoped if he was still in the clutches of Sauron that he was dead. He didn't deserve any of what he got. Maybe a bit for abandoning them on an idiotic suicide mission. And maybe a bit for making the brothers cry over him. And not teaching Káno at all what he might do in his absence. But no, he had to go off and try and make a treaty with the most dangerous and stubborn people there were. Yeah. That would work.

His thoughts them shot to a completely separate topic. The twins. Not his brothers, but his sons, technically. He wondered if Kallie was still looking after them. Were they safe? Or did they still cause trouble? They had to be thirteen by then, so they probably still caused trouble. Did they hate Káno for leaving them just as their previous parents had?

Eventually, Káno slipped off into a quick and quiet sleep. The usual. He woke with the sun, not four hours later at six thirty. The hounds were barking again. Of course. Káno dragged himself out of bed and sat on the edge for ten minutes, thinking and mentally waking himself up. He felt a bit embarrassed about the past night. It was usually at night that he got the most emo. He should probably keep all his thinking a secret from his brothers. They'd tease him too much.

The fortress was much too loud for him in such an exhausted time, so he decided to at least take a shower before starting the day. Unfortunately, the atmosphere of the bathroom was dismal - the LED lights were too white and unnatural, and the red shower curtain cast the water streaming out of the shower head as bloody droplets. At this point, Káno was too tired to care. Besides, bathing in blood surely couldn't be the strangest thing he'd ever done. For a moment he reveled in the image it created; his hair soaked a Hellish red, dark and wet around his pale face, dark eyes inherited from his father as red as the fire within. Crimson rivulets racing down his chest, across taut muscles and scars long forgotten. 

Curvo was waiting for him outside his room when he'd finally climbed out of the shower and dressed, not bothering to dry his hair and instead twisting it up into a bun. As put-together as Káno considered himself, it was never anything compared to Curvo, though. He wore a fine button-down shirt, black slacks and wingtip shoes nearly everyday, and his hair was always (though Káno had no idea how he did it) trimmed neatly and slicked back, giving him the appearance of a '50s mobster. 

"I need you to watch Tyelpe today." He smoothed out his shirt and nudged the child forward, who stared at the ground and held his small wooden toy train tightly. He was halfway through being five-years-old already, but he was a small and shy boy. From what Káno could tell, he was more a studious type than a loud and physical type like most of the brothers. Káno could appreciate that. 

"You want to do paperwork, Tyelpe?" Káno asked, getting down in a crouch to look Telperinquar in the eyes. He looked a bit scared. "I'm kidding. Let's go to my office, you can read all those stories you like, yeah?" 

At this, Telperinquar nodded enthusiastically. Káno smiled and lifted him onto his shoulders. Curvo nodded and departed, probably off to patrol with Tyelko. That's what it usually was. Káno was actually glad. It got those damned hounds out, along with the dogs too. Tyelpe giggled as Káno raced down the hallway, a childish laugh well needed in the dark and melancholy castle.

It was work all day again. A few times Káno was able to take breaks, sitting and reading with his nephew, but mostly it was paperwork, phone calls, and paying taxes on the buildings they still owned. The near-ancient corporation, Valarin, was buying out all the spaces they had left in LA. Manwe, the head CEO, wasn't very happy with what Feanor had done. That was fair, but Káno didn't like getting into bidding wars with the guy. He was ferocious. 

Káno was forced to stop his work when Tyelko and Curvo returned with dinner. They'd apparently been out hunting, something far less appealing to Káno than patrolling. At least he got a good meal out of it. 

"Moryo," He remembered, as they were finishing up, remembering something. "I need you to help me with finances after dinner. There are some numbers that just aren't adding up."

"I thought you'd never ask." Moryo nodded back, the light in his eyes sparking back up at the mention of finances. Tyelko, however, groaned and chewed raucously beside them. Couldn't he ever be quiet?

"Kano, you need to take a fucking break." Curvo covered Tyelpe's ears as Tyelko bit off another large piece of venison. Surprisingly, there were still caribou in the area. "You're a workaholic." 

It was times like these that Káno wished he had Nelyo running the place instead of him. "What am I supposed to do, Tyelko? Just take a day off? You do realize that this isn't a job that comes with vacation or sick days, right?"

"I'm just sayin' you need it." He raised his hands like he'd never said anything rude in the first place. "God, why you gotta be so aggressive about it?"

Káno breathed deeply and tried to control his temper. "Because you love to get on my nerves for some reason. Please just do us all a favor and fuck off, Tyelko. I don't need any of your bullshit on top of the problems I'm trying to handle." He stood, his stomach churning with anxiety, and didn't pause to give Tyelko the chance to slip in a few condescending comments. "Moryo, meet me in my office when you're done. I've lost my appetite."

Tyelko shouted behind him, but he ignored it. There wasn't any reason for him to pay too much attention to Tyelko's profane ramblings. Not until he crossed the line. 

"You're just angry because you know Nelyo could have done a better job!"

Káno froze in his step. The Great Hall got silent, real silent, and Tyelko shifted to perhaps take back what he said. None of them ever spoke of Nelyo. Ever. He was the one they all felt too guilty to think of, the one they'd left for death even after he'd been the blessing they needed. He was their greatest sin yet. 

"What..." Káno turned on his heel and looked Tyelko in the eyes. "...Did you just say?"

Tyelko looked like he wanted to disappear. "I'm sorry."

"No. No. You aren't allowed to say that." Káno stalked forward, footsteps heavy on the stone. "You crossed the line and you know it. Or would you really like to talk about Nelyo? How he's probably being tortured still, to this day, and because we decided to leave him there? How he's probably cut up into a bunch of pieces because of what we collectively decided? Or maybe how you still think - and we all do, secretly - that he left us here to rot?"

"Káno-" Telvo started, standing. 

"No." Káno shook his head again. "Don't. We all think it. He was a great leader, and he was our brother, but he left us. That's one think I'm doing better than him." Káno shifted on his feet and looked back at Tyelko, who was avoiding his gaze. There was a horrible truth plastered on his face. Bitterly, Káno laughed. "I'm all we have. I'm the only other one father trained at least a little in how to handle his business. And I'm the oldest. Therefore, all rights cede to me. Now, I have some paperwork to do. Moryo - you know." 

It was pin-drop silent as he left. He could hear Tyelpe's tiny voice echo behind him. "Was Nelyo my uncle?"

Káno had only ten minutes to wrap up what he'd been doing before dinner before Moryo came up. Neither of them said anything about the argument, and stuck to the books instead. It was arduous, but Káno appreciated the brainlessness of it all. And Moryo was all too quiet when focused. But it was needed. They worked well into the night, up until midnight when Moryo said he needed to go to bed. 

"You may be our leader, but I sure as hell am not." He huffed, standing from his seat and stretching. "Hey, uh, Káno..." He stood straight and fidgeted, something he rarely did. Káno sat back and nodded, worried. "Why is it that- that we couldn't return home?"

Káno hadn't been expecting that. "You mean- LA?" And Moryo nodded, so Káno gave him a strange look. "Don't you remember that contract we signed on Christmas? It was some serious shit. We've broken laws. Many laws. The police know about our actions, and we're painted in a disgusting light there - I've watched some of the news broadcasts. They think we're horrible people, murderers and- and whatever else you can think of." He didn't elaborate. He didn't think he needed to. "The police have been ordered to shoot on sight. We go back, we die."

"Oh." Moryo looked down. "I hadn't looked into it. Then what are we- what are we here for? Why, exactly, are we fighting?"

Káno was honestly surprised it'd taken five years for someone to ask. He knew- of course he knew - because his father had told him the morning they were packing to leave, over five years ago. “Father said it was- he’d built three buildings in the middle of LA years ago, like over a decade at least, and that’s where he ran most of his operations. They were his pride and joy, but he didn’t really talk about it much with us. Mom didn’t like it when he did, because he was way too aggressive about it. We’re here to reclaim the property of them from Morgoth. But I’m not surprised you didn’t know why we were here. He didn’t tell any of us.” Káno stood with him and stretched his arms. “We should go to bed.”

Moryo nodded and spun on his heel, quickly walking from the room and down the hall to his own. It was all a rouse so Káno could finish the deal he’d been working on with the Swedish investor. Káno turned and walked down the hall too, but turned at the last minute turned and padded down the stairs, taking out his phone and going to the contact and pressing call. He turned into the Great Hall and sat at one of the tables. There was no one left in there, anyway, and Káno liked the big open space.

“Hallo?” The investor answered, and then Káno was off, negotiating a deal with him for next month. After finishing with him, Káno moved onto three more people associated with the company that had lots of money to spare. It was time well spent. He got a solid amount of work done in just two hours, but by then it was already two in the morning. Káno set his phone down on the worn wood and rubbed his face in his hands. He was so tired. So fucking tired.

Something was banging and yelling outside. The yelling was mostly from soldiers, and the banging was mysterious. Horses’ hooves clomped loudly on the stone in the entrance hall, much too close indoors. Maybe it’d gotten loose and made a run for it inside? Sometimes the horses just got spooked for no reasons, and once in a while Káno entertained the thought of the fortress being haunted. Nevertheless, he stood from his seat, pocketed his phone, and walked towards the massive doors at the end of the Great Hall. A small fear within him hoped it wasn’t a sighting of an attack from the Enemy. That would be disastrous.

It was quite the opposite from the Enemy. In the entrance hall stood a group of about five soldiers, all holding back cousin Findekáno, who looked faint and was sweating profusely, trying desperately to get inside. Káno stopped short, breathing out heavy and letting a long “ha!” escape from his mouth.

“What the hell is going on here?” He stepped towards Findekáno, then back, because he’d socked one of the soldiers in the chin.

“Let me past, I told you-!” He kicked the shins of another soldier, then let out a roar of frustration. He finally broke free of the men holding him down and lurched forward, but went too quick and tumbled into Káno. They fell to the floor with a thud.

“Findekáno!” Káno breathed, sitting up and shoving his cousin off him. “What in god’s name is going on here?”

“Kanafinwë!” Findekáno stumbled back and got to his feet, sending glares at the soldiers as they made a move to restrain him again. Káno raised his hand for them to leave him be, so they did. “I rode all night and day and night to get here!” That was evident by the horse panting and staggering wearily behind him. “I don’t know how much time we have left!”

Káno stood and brushed himself off. “What are you talking about? Findekáno, you’re shaking- come inside, explain what’s going on. We have beer left over from dinner-”

“There’s no time!” Findekáno whined, his voice rising in panic. “I’m telling you, he’ll die if we wait any longer!”

He made a move to grab Káno and pull him outside, but Káno took his arm back quickly and stepped away. “Tell me what you’re talking about!”

Findekáno paused, stopping short, and looked Káno up and down. “It’s Nelyo. I brought him back.”


End file.
